Reclaiming me.... 20+yrs later

Okay so today has been an astonishingly good day - not because of anything I've done - pfft I sooo need to start refocusing >.< , rather a good day for peace. This 17 yr old girl on the right, as many mom's think - has been lost. Or so I was letting myself believe. I now really don't believe that I was ever lost - though some days my brain feels gone 0.o-but that I was tucked away and saved. =] All mom's go through a period of what happened to me? Do I even remember that I have hobbies? Free time? HA HA HA your joking right? A moment of peace? Not even in the bathroom >.<. [This is gonna sound a little sparodic so bear with, it will make sense in the end.]

I've mentioned before that I'd lost contact with a precious friend of mine, that - I've never met. Things happen in lives, the world moves on and we just have to have HOPE and FAITH and continue to pray for those we hold close and those we've lost. A day or night hasn't gone by that I don't pray for Ty - that he'll be happy and successful on the road he's chosen. I can't explain - I'm sure you've all had those times, where you just KNOW that everything will be alright - yes, I can hear Dean, that's the spirit. =] (I'm tired =P) Today crumbles started to show up in the wall built between us, some small but others - really milestones. Faith and prayers are starting to show on my side as my hope in his free will continues. What does this have to do with finding me? HA ha- it does make sense I promise.
I was looking through my dad's book he gave each of us children, that has a section of his favorite poems, the ones we heard every monday night. I found some great ones and forwarded them on appropriately and than I found my patriarchal blessing. I honestly have not read that in perhaps years. As I read it tonight - certain points still apply to my life today - as they did 20+ yrs ago when I received it. Certain people now stand out to me in certain parts but I realize, the part of me that's lost or buried? It's my spirit - what makes me ... me. The girl above, the one Dean married had a strong testimony of the gospel and shared it often, was strong in the church and unyeilding.... I have let time, energy, and the world close in and bury... ME. But not forever, just until attention could refocus to where I needed to be.

My children are the greatest work I will ever do and my greatest responsibility. I need to refocus more on what they are learning from ME than what others are teaching them. They need to hear my testimony, they know my firm stance but some things I've let slide. I didn't lose ME while raising my kids, I got too busy with the daily things that I simply pushed myself aside. Now that my kids are older and don't require the great length of attention younger ones do - I now need to refocus and teach my teenagers how to stand tall, how to be proud but not pretencious, and how to be a witness for Christ. All the things I knew and showered forth 20 yrs ago before my attention was drawn away. Ladies and husbands.... for every time there is a season and a reason under heaven. It's true.

It's Monday.... Drag myself to work.....=]

It's Monday, it's 9:19 am and I've been up - let's just say forever =]. Finally just got up, decided it wasn't happenin. That's okay I have work to still catch up on and phone calls to make all day - ohh Yippee! I think I've confused poochie though, lol for months I've been still asleep at this time and today, up and dressed he thinks we're heading somewhere - poor poochie.

So I really hate it when you have an embedded youtube video and suddenly that link isn't found anymore >.<, what a pain. So sorry, my really cool Linkin Park song is gone. If you aren't fond of rock and roll, don't even attempt the Nightwish video. =D I think that's one of the things that link me and Dean together so well, ha ha we're both rockers. If you don't know us very well, you'd prolly think goody goodies or something like that. We do what we were taught, go above what's required and than when we get home or in the car - WE JAM! LOL, we've laughed so many times and said "What would so and so think if they saw us now?" I'm not talking any soft rock sissy stuff - nope this Nightwish is right up my alley, along with Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Lita Ford, need I go on? Dean goes a little farther than I do - I won't mention his, lol he's prolly already thinking - why did you have to mention that? he he sorry honey.

It was great seeing who I was able to at Sarah's shower! Sorry we had to leave before presents were totally opened =[ but I had appts at home. We missed all of you that were unable to come and tell miss Sarah and mr John - CONGRATS and GOOD LUCK! She is due Feb 2nd. Okay, I've put off work long enough - XD.

EMO

Lol, well I've never considered myself EMO before but if it does truely stand for EMOTIONAL - here I am. =] Unfortunately I think I've passed it on to one of my kids and I know it's needed in this world today, but I am so sorry. Yes, I cry at songs, commercials, movies, poetry - yes I take some things too literally when they aren't meant that way. Many people say they don't understand but its true the opposite way also, we can't understand why you wouldn't understand. Ha ha. =] Isn't life fun?

People don't understand why I would care if I was lied to, why I care that a friend doesn't act like a friend, why work gets in the way of friendships when something happens on the job, why there's never enough time to do the things you dream of in your head.. and so they stay there, unaccomplished. We were sent here to learn, not to sit on our duffers and watch life go by us. At times I think that's how I feel when days come and go and repeat nonstop the same again and again. However, what I'm not realizing is that my job right now is to help my CHILDREN learn and go and strive and be better, hopefully making the world better. I think as women that's the hardest thing. Men, unless they've reversed roles and some need to for uncontrollable reasons, but men - let me see if I can phrase this correctly. My husband works hard to provide for us, even at times working at jobs he hates or projects that don't work. He completed his education, has great friends he's made through work and church and its great to see when he is recognized for the worth he really has. Many of you have completed your education, than started your families - lol, I don't know, this isn't coming out like I wanted it to. I suppose, since I'm 40 in 2 yrs, that FREAK I'm prolly having a mid-life crisis! ROFL, interesting. I suppose I don't think I'm complete, where I'm concerned - that I don't have to give all that I could to my little part of the world =]. However, do ANY of us TRUELY, feel like we've EVER done enough?