Well that sucks.........

Okay I went back and did some look up with my feedjit and yeah it's disappearing. It shows me the same info as my stats from blogger.com - so really it's not worth it. The website boasts of letting you see who visits ONLY if they are other feedjit members....pfft that's stupid.

So skip the line that says Did YOU KNOW on my last post :) Thanks for trying Beck! lol

♫ Stormy Weather............

It was a dark and stormy night............Lol, isn't that what Snoopy is always typing on the top of his doghouse? Well, it isn't night yet but it's dark and stormy :).

I found a new author...I started on Sunday evening and am half way through my second book now :). The name is Janet Evanovich. The series is the Stephanie Plum Novels, all about a Jersey girl turned bounty hunter who really doesn't want to be but needs money. These are just as good as the Catering Mystery Series that I read - yes from the same friend...she has good taste! These are funny and have some adult situations without dragging you INTO the adult situation...yay! Yes, this is what is preoccuping my time these days and I'm okay with that.

Did YOU KNOW that you can click on my feedjit on the bottom right of my blog and tell me who you are?!?!? That would be AWESOME cuz my girlfriend *cough cough Beck cough* swears that she doesn't stalk my blog twenty times a day >] so I guess I'm needing to find out who my other Layton visitors are. This blog is on my info on facebook so if I didn't want you here, it wouldn't be there..make sense? Good - I wondered. If you are another blogger and get here from your blog it tells me, how cool is that, which reminds me to go read your blog which is awesome! Hmm, that must be my word of the day.....awesome - how awesome is that? oooh, like totally dude - AHHH an 80's attack!

Okay, enough corniness. While at work today I am still $4.97 off matching my insurance bill to the remittance I made to turn in with it...really? How stupid. I DID find my $49.75 that I was off on payroll :D :D and it wasn't even the weird payback, owed over, underpaid, etc etc stuff I had to do! Yes, that was awesome! >)
I enrolled people on insurance, filed, blah blah boring stuff. However, in the background this morning we had movies on :D. I saw and remembered how much I love Hidalgo and than we watched one I haven't seen - Fly Away Home. It was such a great movie, I've heard that before but never been in the mood to really sit and watch it - today I had no choice. Lol, Susan hadn't ever seen it either and unfortunately it was rather distracting for the two of us :D. My neighbor is a duck/goose hunter when that part came on I sent Dean an IM that said something about being angry with duck/goose hunters cuz of the movie. He just laughed at me and said "their dogs too?" =0 NEVER...I love Tessy, she's an incredible dog. =0 I didn't use awesome! he he he What? You didn't catch that? Sheesh.

There is nothing in my house to just take out and eat - my poor kids and niece. You have to MAKE something and that takes time and effort and they would rather at times just starve.....good grief. Yes I know, I have those days also - usually during my cycle - but sometimes when you have take a quick trip to Oregon, there isn't a whole lot left over to go grocery shopping before payday. Don't get me wrong, my cupboards aren't bare at all....like I said, you just have to COOK bah ha ha ha ha. Friday is payday so they only have to suffer 1 1/2 more days without their precious junk/fast food.

Anxious but not engaged.....

Heard the term anxiously engaged? Yes a lot of people use it for those about to get married and can't wait; however, it's really meant for being involved in something that you are excited about. Yeah well, that isn't me at the moment. I don't know why I'm anxious, I hate my anxiety. One of the best ways to describe it is a constant feeling of nerves: if I'm laying down I feel like I have to use the bathroom, if I'm sitting up I feel like ...ok you don't need to know that one. Let's just say neither feeling is pleasant and makes the feeling more anxious. I really didn't expect my anxiety to come out after the funeral, I thought more the depression and a little of that has - however, it brought a companion - yippee! -_- Not.

I went to the garden yesterday with 6 teenage boys (ages 14,16,17,&18), 1 teenage girl age 16 and my daughter (10). Let's just say that these boys don't weed as well as girls and if any of them had a complaint about being there I didn't hear it. It was really nice for once to have company out there that was just chatting along, cracking jokes, making fun - it was more fun and seemed to go quicker. I paid them all in Slurpee's from 7'11 since Chevron's Icee machine was broken. $20 for 1 1/2 hrs work from 8 kids? I consider myself LUCKY and blessed. Anthony is FINALLY, finally finding some really good kids that like him for who he is and that he has a good time with. Just like his mom poor kid, took me until I was a senior also. He posted on facebook tonight how his Great Grandma's funeral has helped change him and he finally feels free to be himself around everyone. I don't think it was the funeral but just being with the cousins he normally doesn't get to see, getting to hang with just them, doing service for Grandma & Grandpa with them and sharing a little bit of the responsibility in the driving. The last time he went to see Sarah my reflexologist, she commented how he is MUCH improved emotionally, which I'd already seen - now we are working on confidence in schoolwork :).

I digressed lol, like that isn't normal =P. The garden is doing REALLY well, I'm so excited to see that things are growing and taking shape. I harvested all the lettuce - 2 full baskets (large baskets) full and it should start regrowing again. There are flowers on my tomato's already, my zucchini plant is getting HUGE, the pea's are nice and tall - in fact I think I need to go get some ladybugs, I think I've got some aphids. Besides the raccoon, the SNAKE - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - ahem, that the kids just found yesterday - it's all good :)....gulp. I don't do snakes...just saying. He can stay just as long as I never see or hear him. ugh- shivers. The raccoon was actually kind of cool but BIG. There are a couple of densely populated tree's on the neighbors acreage so it wasn't really surprising. I haven't seen him since and Tyson hasn't said he caught him; however, I'm sure he'll come back around once my tomato's and corn start coming on. >/ than he won't be so cute. I have about 1/3 of my basket of lettuce left to wash and put away. Unlike carrots or cucumbers, my lettuce will wilt if I leave it so I can't *sigh.

We're home...

Once again I've gotten very good at controlling my feelings/emotions on the outside. I am sure that is not what the PTSD has tried to teach me, in fact, quite opposite I'm sure. However, when given an assignment at someone's funeral it's a little hard to break down before or during so that you know you tried your best. I sent flowers to the funeral home, wrote on the card without Dean knowing what it said. We visited the funeral home about 2 hrs after arriving in Pendleton. Grandma looked like my parents did - plastic and felt the same. That always helps me - to see them as I remember but to feel them and know that the personality and spirit that I loved is no longer trapped inside that "shell" but can still be with me if it chooses. I showed Dean the flowers I had ordered - they had them out front next to the viewing book. The card read: To our most treasured natural resource we love you and will miss you Grandma; with all of our names. Okay, Dean lost it. His grandma pretty much raised him from the time he was born until he was old enough to go to school - so until about 5. They always lived close enough that she was a constant in his life and attended everything. Grandma was an only child and only gave birth to two child, Corry and Tod. Her grandkids were her life - she loved being surrounded by them, taking care of them and helping them in anyway she could. At 70 when she came to visit us, she would play hide and seek with my boys - wow, the energy and love that woman had.
We didn't sleep well the night before the funeral - Dean kept running his talk through his head and trying to push emotions back, I never sleep well in hotels and my song was bugging me. I had met with Dean's mom for about 45 min that night to show her what I had done to the song and for us to practice. When we left the shiver had left my voice, it was coming out stronger and she FINALLY had it down lol. We were to meet at 9 am the next morning - the funeral home would be there than and family prayer was at 9:50am. She didn't arrive until 9:40 - no time to practice and that didn't help me AT ALL. I said a prayer and I think only because of that was I able to even get words and notes out. I swear it was not up to par - my contacts were blurred and stuck to my eyes and I could NOT read the freaking hymnbook! Good thing I had taken out the lines that I had a hard time memorizing >.<. My legs were shaking uncontrollably and it showed in my voice - ugh - no matter WHAT I tried. I looked at the wall, the clock, the book - didn't matter - still shook - shit. And was breathy, what the heck! I took an allergy pill, used BOTH inhalers! grumble grumble...I TOTALLY could not find my alto note - gone from my head when I got to "I need thee every hour" so I sang Soprano which is okay, I would normally sing that but hadn't been able to hit the notes lately ...I was blessed to hit them that day so that one part went well. =P gadzooks.
Dean's talk was wonderful, I knew nothing about it and he brought up some memories with Grandma that he had never even told me about...I like that part of funerals. :) Everything else went smoothly...this funeral home was different but I won't criticize, I will just be grateful that it is over and that Grandma is now at peace.
Trip pitfalls? Hmm, almost being hit by a car cuz Anthony didn't look before going out >.<, Anthony over correcting on the way home and scaring the living hell outta me!, Ben losing his camera out at the cemetary but thankfully they found it:) and just ALOT of running people around, other people's kids to watch and little down time. But we are home now, safe and sound - no accidents THANK YOU, THANK YOU! - no injuries except for Anthony's self esteem when all the family left and really didn't say goodbye even though they knew we were leaving the next morning....I'm used to, unfortunately he's old enough that now he cares and understands..ugh crap. Dean's father had knee replacement surgery the Monday before Grandma died - he got out of the hospital Friday afternoon and she died Saturday afternoon. He did remarkably well for only being out of the hospital for less than 5 days and getting around where he needed to. Family from the other side came down for the funeral so we got to see cousins that Dean used to live with when he married me, that was fun.
All in all it was a short trip but hopefully we now have a weekend to recoup or heal or both. We are grateful for friends and neighbors, many comments and nice thoughts sent our way and someone even mowed my lawn! That in itself made my boys weekend! lol..paix

Arriving.......

We’ve stopped for lunch and gas in Mountain Home….the normal half way mark for us. I keep telling myself that I can’t have a problem until after the funeral on Wednesday. Mentally I am listening to myself; however, physically my body is not. One of the things I hate about PTSD, you cannot control what your body is deciding or doing – it just does it. On a lighter note, I have figured out my song. Grandma wanted Hymn 108, The Lord is my Shepherd and for some reason I’ve been having a hard time memorizing the 3rd verse and it doesn’t feel like it fits to me. I brought the Hymnal with me and have been practicing while Anthony has been driving and it finally dawned on me. I will be mixing Hymn 108 with Hymn 98, I need thee Every Hour. The verses will go as such:
The Lord is my Shepherd, no want shall I know; I feed in green pastures, no want shall I know, He leadeth my soul where the still waters flow, Restores me when wandering, redeems when oppressed; Restores me when wandering, redeems when oppressed. I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord, no tender voice like thine, can peace afford. I need thee every hour, most holy one, oh make me mine thine indeed, thou blessed son. I need thee, oh, I need thee. Every hour I need thee! Oh bless me now my Savior, I come to thee. Thru the valley and shadow of death though I stray, since thou art my Guardian, no evil I fear. They rod shall defend me, thy staff be my stay. No harm can befall with my Comforter near, No harm can befall with my Comforter near. I need thee every hour….the Lord is my Shepherd….my comforter near.
Maybe spending another day in Oregon will be a good thing in case I crash after the funeral. This is beginning to feel like my mom’s funeral – I was fine for little while.

The Wait is over.....

Dean texted me at 3 pm today to tell me that Grandma had passed away. I've been with my sister all day and the kids due to her son's birthday party. Now, sitting at home with Dean on the phone/computer making travel plans, confirming funeral details with his parents it's starting to get real. I have to be able to handle this funeral - I just may be overly doped up to do it. Dean's grandma accepted me as her granddaughter in full force when I married Dean. I felt more love from that woman, only compared to my own parents. No, sorry, I don't feel it from my in-laws - not the siblings or the parents but that's okay. Grandma was 5 yrs older than my dad and when they met at our wedding they hit it off and were instantly friends. Same generation, same guidelines growing up, you name it. It was always fun when grandma would come visit to see her and my dad or her and my mom sitting over in a corner having a conversation and laughing. Like my dad, grandma didn't laugh often. I have heard over the past 20 yrs that she had a hard childhood, followed by a harder adult life - sounds alot like my mom's mother...getting married to get out of the frying pan only to end up in the fire. Grandma outlasted her parents, two husbands, and a boyfriend. I'm not sure what her reunion is like but I know she will love seeing her boyfriend- the one who saved her life 4 yrs ago again. According to family she was stubborn, slightly OCD, and very persnickety. Okay yeah so - aren't we all in some ways? Grandma never showed those sides to me, of course we didn't live right in the next town either.

My memories of Eledice....may she rest in peace and love. Grandma used to play hide and seek with my boys when she was in her 70's. Grandma would sit at the dinner table with us and laugh at me trying to teach two boy toddlers table manners. Grandma would always make her homemade chocolate chip cookies to send home with us each time we came to visit. She always had her camera, her kisses, and her arms ready. I remember she used to drink potassium each day. Each year until the final 2 yrs each member of our little family would receive a card for each holiday and birthdays, on Christmas the kids would receive chocolate advent calendars. When Grandma got ready to move out of her apt that she'd had for over 30 yrs she started divvying up her items. It was my honor to receive her one Christmas book to add to my collection, "A Cup of Christmas Tea". For the first couple of years after she sent it to me I would call on Christmas Eve and read her her story. I will miss you grandma, more than you know. Love you.

Do do do...♫

We are preparing for Grandma's funeral. She has not gone yet but we are pretty sure that she will go sometime this weekend, she keeps crying out to go home. :[ She can't swallow and won't eat, but today she was told that her son Corry (Dean's dad), who had knee replacement surgery a few days ago, was home from the hospital and doing well. We are hoping that will give her the peace and release she needs. Therefore, I can no longer put off trying to regain my voice and sing.
Let me now state that I actually broke down and went to the Dr today. My wheezing was not from my allergies but from a sinus/ear infection - yay joy joy....AND of course my systemic Candidias. So I have 2 antibiotics, my Dr is treating the Candidias for a month instead of the normal 1 to 2 weeks, yeah it's that bad =P. He also have me an antibiotic that would feed the yeast the least and I have that one twice a day for 2 weeks - yeehaw. What finally got me to the Dr? Well, it was obvious my yeast was worse and than when I almost passed out last night and threw up -it kind of decided it for me. Yeah, I'm that stubborn. :] But I got out the Hymn book tonight, did some warm-ups, which include a couple of my opera songs and I could actually sing! I sit in church or in the car and try to sing but I barely have enough air to sing a line or hit the high notes....it's very aggrevating, yet that didn't happen tonight, I am looking at this as a blessing. Dean is getting things secured at work since he is in charge of a project that starts this upcoming week and this week is not payroll for me. However, death is never convenient and we will go to her when we need to.

The time is coming........

Five years ago in November I believe, Dean's grandma had an episode. Thankfully her boyfriend who was coming to get her knocked on her door and when she didn't answer he went in. She was collapsed on the bathroom floor from loss of blood due to a bleeding ulcer. We almost lost her and to me that was just too soon. My mom had died in May that year, first collapsing in the bathroom. That was too much for me and I admitted to her that if she was still here than she could blame me since I was refusing to let her go so soon after my mom. Since that episode Dean's strong, independent grandma lost her independence due to acute arthritis. After sitting for even 5 minutes she was unsteady on her feet due to the pain of standing up. She has continued to have falls, even in the retirement home. The wonderful woman who avidly listened to her police scanner, still drove herself around at 82, and still baked her wonderful chocolate chip cookies, chocolate pie and deviled eggs.

As many put in hospice she has gone slowly downhill ever since, she now weighs 80 lbs and has shrunk to around 5'ft tall. It's always sad to see someone you love wither away with old age, becoming less and less of themself. She can no longer swallow, she rarely opens her eyes, and they've started her on a morphine drip. May God bless her and keep her, may her departure from this world be quick and painless, knowing that she is loved by many. Love you Grandma.

Ten Days.....Day 7, 8, 9, & 10

Day Seven....Four moments that changed my life.

These are going to sound cliche' so I'm going to add explanations =P. I have moments of inspiration which are often to personal to share so I'm going to put "events" that changed my life.

1. My Wedding: I didn't date in HS, I sort of dated out of HS. The guys I did date usually got one date and than I'd kinda freak on them...lol don't ask. Never having had a "boyfriend" but tons of guys that were "friends" I was ready to be married and not be on my own anymore. According to those that worked with me, it was a good day when I got married - I got nicer. ;)

2. Birth of my Children: To me every birth is a miracle, there is nothing ordinary about child birth, the risks on the mother and baby, or what happens to your body when you become pregnant - you are never the same again.... physically or emotionally. My children are my life - I would do anything for them and constantly have to stop myself trying to so that they can experience and discover for themselves.

3. Death of my Parents: My parents died 8 yrs apart but I KNEW when they were both going. My husband also knew about my dad, my mom shocked us all and rocked my little family's world. It was shocking to have my dad die but he was in so much pain it was good. My mom had been my best friend since it was just she and I left at home from age 16 on. She and my dad came to dinner every Sunday, Dean and I took over the responsibilities of fixing things, etc when my dad passed and she still came to dinner every Sunday. We talked on the phone every day. When she died I became an orphan. I have 7 brothers/sisters and I have never felt so alone in the world.

4. Buying our home: We bought our first home 13 yrs ago and haven't moved. Before that I personally had moved 6 times from the time I moved away from home - in 3 yrs. Dean and I than moved another 3 times. It's always been my experience after about 3 or 4 yrs that I get fed up with the someone in the ward, become unhappy with neighbors or landlords. When we moved here I expected it but I've never felt it. I have my issues with the ward but that's me, not the people. My neighbors are our anchor to our home....Dean would have sold our house because of all it's problems after only 3 yrs but our neighbors are so wonderful that we just put up with them. (the problems not the neighbors) As a cul-de-sac we get together every July for a Firework/BBQ - kids and their kids keep coming back - now it spreads through 3 yards :)...until we all got snowblowers there used to be a race each snowfall with the men to see who could shovel first....and you've never seen a nosier bunch - I mean, we have the ABSOLUTE BEST crime watch ever! lol...yep, I'm the head of the busy bodies. ;)

Day eight: three favorite foods, movies, and colors.


Three Favorite Foods:
1. New York Style Cheesecake
2. Southwestern Bean Dip (Pampered Chef recipe)
3. Pull apart beef brisket

Three Favorite Movies:
1. White Christmas - I can recite it almost word for word...including songs...a must every Christmas
2. Purgatory - The only thing that would make this western any better is if John Wayne were in it :)
3. Sabrina - the old and the remake. They couldn't have picked a better stand in for Humphrey Bogart than Harrison Ford. He did an amazing job and the remake can stand on it own two feet. :)

The Favorite Colors:
1. Purple
2. Green
3. Blue

Day Nine...Two words to describe my life right now.

Getting Better.


Day Ten...one confession

I'm an illusion. I'm not who people usually think I am. There are times that's a shock - good or bad. But I can only be me and when you get down to finding the real me than hopefully your staying for awhile.

Ten Days....Day 4, 5, 6

Day Four.....Seven things that cross my mind alot.

>.< SERIOUSLY?!? You guys know I'm going to break my own rule and totally LIE right now right? You don't need to know me THAT well =P.

1. When can I get back to the book I'm reading. I wish I could write this well.

2. What the **** set me off now, why am I so sad/cranky?

3. Is my garden still alive? Does it need water?

4. Where are my children....it's too quiet!

5. Diet Coke...do I really want one? or do I want the idea...hmm...gets diet coke

6. Chocolate.....mmmmmm......milk chocolate.......mmmmmmm

7. Sex...ok YES I admit it...are you happy now? geesh.


Day Five ......Six things I wish I'd never done.

Wow...narrowing it down to six hunh?

1. Stepped on a sewing needle in my bedroom when I was 5. It went through the soul of my shoe and into the bottom of my foot.

2. Listened to my dad when I was 7 and he was saying I was "too skinny drink more milk" ...pfft look at me now!

3. Answered the door when I was 14.

4. Walked away at graduation.

5. Moved in with Dawnella before I got married....that's okay, she knew I had a gun under my pillow.

6. Blew off college to work in the "real world" so early....kinda sucked.


Day Six.....Five people you couldn't live without.

1. Dean
2. Anthony
3. Benjamin
4. Olivia
5. My Mom - but, she's already gone...there's part of my problem.

Ten Days.....Day One, Two and Three

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now. Hold on.....

To Deano: You are my rock and my strength to live each day. I couldn't have gotten through the past 20 yrs without your understanding, wisdom, strength and love. I know I don't see what you see; therefore, it makes it hard to believe what you - but never doubt that the words are listened to and appreciated. I love you.

To Anthony: I am SO proud of you and the young man you have become. You make me smile with joy when you don't realize that I'm even watching you. I love your silliness, your playfulness, your geekiness, and your delight in things that others don't see. I wish that everyone could know my son as I do...but I'm grateful that I get the chance and just feel sad for the rest.

To Benjamin: You are my funny little bug. No one see's the world like you do and it's wonderful and refreshing! I love that you are becoming more open with me about things and letting me see a little more of your silliness. I am truely blessed with good boys and you make me more proud each day as you try hard to accomplish your goals. I know its been tough this past year but I also know that you have it in you and there isn't anything you can't do!

To Olivia: My little girl, in some ways, the little me following me around. But I hope that you take my good qualities and not my bad, my good habits and not my worst. I love that you are gaining more courage to be yourself in expression and activity - don't ever let anyone put you down for who you are or what you want to be - the world is open to you and knowing you, all it's wonders will be discovered well before their time. I'm very proud of my smart little princess.

To Mel: Next to Dean you have been my truest best friend in my life time. I wish we weren't so different, that our worlds didn't clash so that we could truly understand each other better and never fight. I wish I could take back last August, even though I still will never ever take back caring enough about you to do what I did. I love you Mel, our distance is hell but I don't know that I can say it would be any better the other way.

To Brandon: Lol....wow, what could I possibly say to you Brandy that I haven't said like twenty times in the past five years...or even last week! For some reason you and I stick...we can't deny that on a deeper level we are friends, even though on the surface we struggle, part, come back and struggle again. You will always be there for me and I for you - we just know that and I think we just need to keep reminding ourselves. Love you.

To Tyson: To a great neighbor - who now has moved and to what I hope is becoming a great friend. You are an extremely nice guy, amazing neighbor, hard worker, and I would LOVE if my boys treated me the way you treat your mom. Any woman will be blessed to finally snag you so don't give up and don't let any of those that aren't still around tell you otherwise.

To Cherisa: My beautiful boo. I can't tell you often enough how grateful I am that you decided to move in with us. It has done my kids such a world of good to get to know you, to have you as an influence and a friend. I know life seems kind of stuck right now with every direction calling yet not a clear path. Hold tight love, when the time is right, you will know where to go, what to do and maybe even who to be with. :) I love you!

To Rebecca: My friend I don't have words to say. I wish I had arms to heal and love to suffice and the strength to give so that everything could be fixed and right in your world. I don't know why some things are harder for some people than others, I don't always understand why pain must be repeated but please know that I am always...always here for you, no matter the time of day or night. Pain isn't convenient it just hurts. ♥

To Eledice: Bless you Dean's grandma. Even if I could say this to you, I'm not sure you would hear me or acknowledge that you understand. I never really had a grandma. My dad's mom died 17 yrs before I was born and my mother's mom lived far away. When I married Dean, you welcomed me as if I was your own granddaughter. You loved me and treated me like no one but my own parents ever have. I know you have had a hard life and I will treasure you forever and always. You are my grandma as much as you are Dean's and I am proud to say that. I told you four years ago you couldn't leave because I couldn't handle losing you and my mom so close together and in almost the same way. I will hold you prisoner no more, I am sorry for my selfishness. Be happy grandma - for once go and be happy.


Day Two: Nine interesting facts about yourself...0.o

1. I grew up in a haunted house. No joke, no lie.

2. I love to sing but due to my reactive asthma haven't been fully able to in years. I need to fix this, I have to sing at a funeral that people think isn't going to be far off. >.<

3. My oldest brother is 19 yrs older than me, my oldest niece (his daughter) is 5 yrs younger.

4. I eat "garden" (must be garden) fresh tomato's on my peanut butter toast....yummy!

5. I LOVE to cook and bake. Someone should really hire me so all I have to do is hang out in an A/C kitchen all day :)

6. I love being outdoors but get heat exhaustion very easily and have horrid hay fever - *shrugs w/e.

7. I don't do seafood....it looks good, shrimp scampi smells incredible but no. The closest I'll get is Tuna, Halibut and Mahi Mahi.

8. I finally found my happy place..you know they tell you "picture your happy place"....which interestingly enough is floating in the water looking up at a wooded canopy and blue sky. Umm..I don't swim or float.

9. I grew up with a military dad and know how to fire a gun. My grandpa was a police officer in SL, don't be knocking on my window at 2am.

10. I am easily bored. However, that doesn't stop me from whiling away a few hours on a computer game or stupid fb. =P


Day Three: Eight ways to win my heart....hmm.

1. Don't lie or tease. Honesty is always the best policy with me and if need be, be "gently" honest.

2. Be willing to listen. Worst thing for me to admit but it's true, I love to talk.

3. Love to dance.

4. Love music...all kinds.

5. Don't get bored when I read....or grumpy.

6. have integrity to what you believe in and who you are.

7. Have a sense of Humor.

8. Chocolate and flowers are always nice >].

Long day....

I must be having a sugar crash. Okay, so for those that don't have facebook/don't get on facebook often or just don't read my posts :) I have Candidiasis. I knew I had Thrush about 2 months ago when my tongue was coated white and my tongue started to hurt. I've only had Thrush once before and I feel really sorry for little babies who have it because it really does hurt to "suck" if you have it. I have been countering it on my own with pro-biotics and it seemed to be going away with only a flair up every now and than to remind me. I went to see my reflexologist - maybe 3 weeks ago - and my feet have NEVER hurt so bad in so many places as they did this time. OW! Grrr. (And my feet STILL hurt on the tops...boo) She stopped after a bit and asked if I wanted to be Detoxed first or should she treat the Candidia first? Rofl...I love Sarah - straight to the point and no I did not tell her I had Thrush, you can't smell it and my tongue is no longer white =P. She body tested (yes sorry to my friends who don't believe in herbs - cover your eyes Dr Becca ;) ) me and gave me all this stuff to counter my yeast. The yeast is all over in my gut, having descended from my mouth and starting a party for a normal yeast infection below - can you say WAHOO?!? Me neither. =P My body is SCREAMING for sugar and I really haven't felt the cravings - thank heavens! But today I will admit to about 3 baked s'more's and a 32 oz cherry diet coke. The DCoke doesn't have sugar but I'm sure the cherry flavoring is ONLY sugar. :D oops.

Today was Olivia's big day at the Periodontist. Mouth surgery at 12 noon and she's been freaked out, for good reason, for the past week. Dean gave her a blessing last night to help calm her down and she actually DID sleep - YES! When I got up I gave her the generic Valium and about 45 min later we headed in. I really wonder if it's just something with her bones or if these are just her trials in life but my poor baby. Head surgery at 2 months old (for which she still has an extra hole in her skull from), gum grafting surgery, teeth too large for her little mouth resulting in braces with brackets to pull her jaw even (starting in August :( ), and her wisdom teeth are already making an appearance. Seriously? She's only 10! :( Like I said, my poor baby. However, she doesn't get sick nearly like the boys did and do...I guess everyone's trials are different. She did really well in surgery. It lasted less than 30 minutes, only pulling her out of anesthesia took some time. She'll want to know so I'll put on here: she saw three of me, wanted to know when Dean and I got an extra TV in the bedroom ;), wanted to know where her glasses went - freaked out about it actually, didn't even remember getting a shot but did remember the prize from the prize box they were trying to distract her with. Within 45 min of being home she wanted to on the computer or calling her friends...and than she would pass out again :). She's thrown up twice - getting rid of the last effects I assume but keeping some liquid in her - her biggest complaint? The temporary retainer they put in the top of her mouth to guard her graft pull spot. "It's weird to talk with this on...I can't swallow with this in". I'll remind her of this when she' out of braces and LOVING only having a retainer ;).

Here or facebook?

So Mrs Sarah has a cool thing on her blog that I have just copied so that I can do it. However, I'm thinking that I may do it under notes on facebook since more people are there that I would be talking to. If you are interested here it is:

Day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
day two: nine interesting facts about yourself.
day three: eight ways to win your heart.
day four: seven things that cross your mind a lot.
day five: six things you wish you’d never done.
day six: five people you couldn’t live without.
day seven: four moments that changed your life.
day eight: three favorite foods, movies, and colors.
day nine: two words that describe your life right now.
day ten: one confession.

Yes it would give me something to blog about for 10 days straight, hmmm...I will have to think about it.

Spent most of the day out at the garden. Poor Tyson's mom (I really need to find out her name :( ) is sick with the crud and sounds horrible. I swear the woman is ADD and OCD so she NEVER stops - not even when sick! I know some other women like that, I fortunately or unfortunately -idk, am not one of them these days. When I am down, I am usually down for the count. We planted some potato's today, watered and weeded, aerated the tomato's. Ben and I than went back later so that he could help with some weed-eating and I could replant the potato's per the mom's instructions so that we actually will hopefully get some to grow this year. :) We've never planted potato's so here's hoping! I than went over to try to dig around some of the irrigation pipe and a bit of a trench ...that didn't go so well. I really, REALLY hate not being able to do things that I should. Let's just say I was sweating like a pig and it took me a good hour or more to be able to breath again. >[...yes, that's after using my inhaler and a shower. Grrr... Okay, it's 1 am :) and I haven't taken ANY pills today 0.0 and I am feeling it big time. Time to see if I can sleep at all or if I've used all my energy elsewhere today. Paix