The difference a day makes...

I say this to no pun intended, I state this as pure fact. I also admonish the fact that there is no household quite so blessed as the one when a teenager finds love and starts believing in themself.

Saturday, we as a family were invited up to a co-worker/friends family cabin in Kamas. We have never been to Kamas and this is reported to be one of the older cabins built long ago...Dean likes that stuff. The drive was beautiful, the leaves are already starting to change in the canyons. Echo resevior was such a wonderful shade of blue, it looked clean and wow, it was a gorgeous site. It took us a bit more than an hour to get there, so really, not very long. The tahoe did great even without the 4 wheel drive working (thankfully we didn't need it!). My son, the 16 yr old grump, did not want to go on this family adventure. He was in all kinds of grumpiness when we left and he had been complaining for over a week. We found out, the 15 yr oldest of the friends, did not want to come either. She had been grumping around and doing her thing also. Well, my picture up at the top should say everything. Needless to say, they are both really happy that we "forced" them to come on a family activity and we are very grateful that they both have unlimited text! =] The cabin was fun, just the right size, had a great fire pit with old swing and lots of stumps to camp our rumps on. =] Dave made really, REALLY yummy dutch oven rolls with chicken parmesian...mmmm...and we provided the drinks, the fruit and potato salad. Their 2 yr old, Kelly is a riot! She has no fear! I think she about gave Dean a heartattack maybe oh, 15 times? ha ha ha. Becca kept apologizing and asking if Dean was okay...he he.

They have a son Brandon that is 1 month older than Ben so they had a great time with his bow shooting arrows and Ben's laser pointer....Brandon had left his home, yeah enough said. The other two boys weren't quite sure about Olivia, she fit (age wise) right in between them...so maybe after a few more get togethers they'll decide each other is okay. The kids took the dog and the baby on a walk, the adults tried and almost succeeded in playing a board game and than we cleaned up and headed our ways. It was a great day with awesome friends. =] Thanks Dave and Becca!

Our evening was not over however, for as we approached Coalville we took note of a SUV Navigator that was passing us. It didn't take long for us to start worrying as he literally almost sat in the back of the truck in front of him, kept swerving into the pull off (like to see around them), drove down the center on and off and just generally was drunk. Dean called 911 and we followed him until the UHP pulled him over. Dispatch had asked us to and we dared even get close enough so that we could read his license plate for them. It's not always nice to be so blind >.<. Thankfully the cop that U turned in the grassy middle was very nice and actually saw the drunken driving and could smell the alcohol. That meant we didn't have to stay, didn't have to file a compliant, and Dean didn't have to go to court to testify. I must say, it was a scary occurance! I would be nervous if it were just me but to have my whole family in the car and know the percentages and so forth that occur with drunk drivers here....I just wanted Dean to back waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy off and stay that way. We all cheered when the UHP turned on his lights and pulled the guy over...=] it was like one of those scenes in the movies where the good guy wins=].

My nose is itching............

My mom was from Mississippi....therefore, we grew up with the silly superstitions - knowing they were silly but still said them anyways. Like my nose is itching, supposed to mean that someone is thinking of me. Interesting, I usually just say "It's my hubby" that keeps it safe and sound and out of trouble >].

Interestingly enough, when I am in a good mood I normally don't want to write. I figure there isn't anything to write about. he he I'm sitting here in the family room (the room I hate) because my wireless is being stupid and helping Ben with his homework before I start doing my work. His english assignments are plays on words, which makes you think - he hates that. =] I am very impressed with my children thus far in the school year. School just started I know; however, in the past that could still D's or F's simply because not enough assignments were recorded or turned in. They all seem to be trying hard and doing well =], let's hope it lasts!

I sit here (in the room I hate) staring at an incomplete project (grrr) that I am just going to HAVE to fit in somewhere. All the clutter in this room is getting to me....UGH I HATE IT~! Working on it =] =] =].

Idjit

Nope didn't spell it wrong it says "idjit". My word for an idiot but doesn't quite sound as mean, especially since I'm normally referring to myself. =P

Decided I would come blog to get all the junk out of my head before I even try to go to bed. I foraged around the kitchen for something sweet and actually found something! A frozen Twix....om nom nom, did you know that frozen twix are easier to dissect? :D Nope, I don't have a diet coke either =0, k everyone up off the floor and knock it off. I got up a little after noon today; had a night like I haven't had in ages - tired, restless legs kick in - wander like a zombie around and around the house- drink milk, stretch, try the couch....yeah it wasn't a whole lot of fun until 4am.

Susan and Lyman bought a new bedroom set - heavens, months ago - so Dean and I finally went up last night with our trailer and took the two "towers" as they were called. I have plans for our two night stands so no D.I. trip there- yay! Can I just say that my house is cluttered and I can't stand it anymore! Okay, I just got a coke out ...shup. My children don't seem to understand that our house is SMALL 1400 sq ft. I have friends (and family) that could fit my house into their homes and still have room left over. I am not complaining so don't misread that. I simply have no garage and no storage except for a crawl space. I'm going no where NEAR that crawl space >.< Dean doesn't even want to (that says ALOT!). Dean would love to sell our home and buy a bigger one - one that maybe has a garage and oh my gosh!- more than one bathroom =P. I; however, grew up in home that was 6000 sq ft upon completion. No thanks...I hated cleaning that house and it was only my mom and I for most the time! We have HUGE backyard that is green weeds (not lawn), 2 overgrown-not treated- we want them GONE- plum tree's, and a rickety old shed. The kids and the dog LOVE the backyard, it's great to run, play football, baseball; it's the reason we bought the house - we have 2 boys. We have lived her 12 yrs and we still have done nothing with the backyard. *sigh* Since I refuse to move (was I talking about clutter?) Dean has decided it would be great to build on. He would extend into the back yard with a bigger kitchen, a REAL family room, master bedroom with bath and a garage. Yep, I do have room for that in my backyard and I would still have some left over! =] I'm just hoping that maybe - possibly - some of it - could get done before Olivia is off to college. Maybe not, it would be bigger to have kids families come back =].

Olivia has lost her glasses. >/ I think I jinxed it. I went to pick up my new contacts on Tuesday and they were asking about her frames coming in so they could put the new rx in. I had made a comment about unlike my boys, she was the only one who hadn't had to get new frames >.<. Really?!? I KNOCKED ON WOOD...geesh. I started cleaning her room but Dean made me stop...erm, it was only 11pm and she wasn't asleep....oops. Psh....since I can't organize cuz everybody is ASLEEP but me =/ I turned my rearranging - fixing mood to my farm on Farmville which is on fb. It looks pretty dang good right now I must say =]. Yay, I'm getting tired. =]

12 yrs and we've never replaced the carpet, only 1/4 of the house has been repainted - but I do have a 4 yr old kitchen and bathroom =]. Yeah, they still aren't finished either - shup! They are functional, I'm just saying that yeah, my backsplash isn't up, my crown molding isn't up, the framing needs to be touched up and Dean/Anthony's paint splotches need to be removed. You ever get to that point where you can't take the mess/clutter anymore so you binge?!?! Yeah, I'm there... too bad I don't have the money I need to fix it all at once. =] Line upon line...it'll get there.

Sigh....Really?

It's Tuesday....only Tuesday...huh. It feels like it's been an entire week or more. In my not so perfect world like any other mother I deal with my children's problems also.

My mama bear claws came out yesterday at a selfish 16 yr old girl. Yes she's cute but really? My son is not ugly, he's super sweet, way too nice and for it he gets walked over time and time again. This doesn't help much with me trying to bolster his already non-exsist self esteem. ugh. This mom is at a loss, he deserves better but if the kids around him aren't going to admit that, there is little I can do or help with.

Sigh #2....Ben. It's week 4 of school and I thought we were going to not have the problems we did last year. Silly me. They didn't go away but his new pills seemed to be working for 3 weeks straight I got him out the door with no crying, no panic attacks and he was great after school. Really? He started again yesterday...crap. Nothing like major drama at 7am in the morning, every morning. >.<

Olivia is sick with a fever and home also. This really isn't too bad since my kids can really take care of themselves. I went to bed late Monday morning and she got up shortly afterward....ugh. One of those fun mom things. It would be more fun if my body still decided it could handle that but it doesn't handle half of anything anymore and its really, REALLY beginning to annoy me. How am I supposed to be a good mom, a good wife, a good employee and all the numerous other things if my body can't handle me going grocery shopping by myself? I mean really?!?! That's my word for today....REALLY?!?! It seems to fit most of the situations going on =P.

I'm not looking at my world and saying why me, I looking at it and saying really?!? REALLY? Fine. I mean what else can you say? It's life, it happens, you could hide under a rock and be the most selfish person in the world but I'm not made that way. I don't look at that as a bad thing in fact once upon a time, I could handle all this and more...sigh.... ah pooey.

9/11 is not forgotten...Happy Birthday Daddy

Many conflicts of emotion today. Before 9/11 became 9/11, September 11th was my father's birthday. It was the day I was wanting Olivia to be born but instead she came on the 10th, my brother James's birthday. My father passed away in 1998, 12 yrs ago this coming Thanksgiving (28th).

My dad instilled in me a great love and reverence for country and state. He, among many others that do so currently, put his life on hold and on the line so that I could enjoy the blessings of freedom today. I sit here in a crowded, messy family room - watching a football game on TV. I have internet, wireless internet, cable, computers, pets, food on the table, jobs for my husband and I, and a roof over our head. Many people in the United States alone do not have those blessings or priviledges, let alone the world.

Nine years ago today I was working in my office, a kindergartner in the other room watching TV, and a one yr old in a walker with her brother. My husband calls and tells me to turn on the TV and wants to know if they are giving any more information from the rumors going around. I walked in, took the remote from my son and have never been the same. As I sat down, I simply could not stand anymore, my 5 yr old wanted to know why I was crying. To him, he thought I was watching a movie and it was a "cool" effect...than I told him it wasn't and that there were real people in those buildings that would not have had time to get out. I'm not sure what his little understanding made of that but it definately made an impact. I don't need to watch the documentary of it on the History channel but I think I will have my kids watch it after the Utes game. I say I don't need to watch it simply because it's burned into my brain, into my heart, and into my emotional being. We can't take the pain away, the loss, or the damage done to millions of families not just in the United States but from other countries as well. American's were not the only ones killed that day, but it was an attack on American soil...directed straight at the American people.

I was happy to see a street full of flags as I drove to my sisters today. I was saddened that not ALL streets and houses had flags flying. Yes the war on terrorism has lasted nine long years, but can we honestly say that it will ever end? Our rights and priveledges that our brave men and women leave their families to protect and that brothers, fathers, sons, and husbands have protected from the first time they landed on North American soil....they give us the right to criticize them and our government. Kind of an aximoronic thing isn't it?

Rise and Shine.....do do do do do do do....♫

Don't know why that song just popped into my head but okay. It feels like FALL today and I LOVE IT! Just cool enough to get away with wearing a hoodie, windows in the house open, windows/sun roof in the Tahoe down....this is MY kinda weather!

Tomorrow is Miss Olivia's birthday. She wanted a slumber party but pretty much all of her friends, even her cousins, have soccer games on Saturday. Therefore, figuring out what to do for her isn't going to be easy. One brother is going on a scout campout, the other has dress rehearsal for a concert the next night. If it were Christmas time I could say Bah-humbug =P. She wanted a "camp" theme for her bay- a what? Psh. The cake should be easy though, I'm making a it a tent and than adding little monsters. I'll post pic's after it's decorated, it's in the freezer right now. I would really love to start learning how to use fondunt. I have a recipe in my cake decorating book but it was published in England and some of the ingredients I've never even heard of. 0_0 Think a puruse the internet tonight now that my printer acknowledges my laptop again. My cute niece has started her own cake decorating business....her cakes are so cute! I love the monkeys on the bed, it's my favorite.

So, another $100 down toward my child's education. I printed out a "customer statement" from my school district's site. It has all three kids, doesn't count lunch, but tells you how much money you've paid to the schools since the beginning of this school year. It even includes cash or check that the secretaries at the front desk take. Here I thought last year was bad with Driver's Ed for Anthony >.> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! With the purchase of the Texas Graphics Calculator that the Algebra 2 teacher demanded each child have, not including school clothes, paper or that junk, I have now spent $300 in 3 weeks for only Anthony. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who said I had $300!!! For Ben I believe we've spent about $90. >.> I hate "free" public school. On the upside, Olivia IS FREE, except for the treats for class parties and any other donation you wish to give the classroom. I have one more year of paying the Jr High and the HS, than I have just ONE yr of HS, than I go back to Jr High and HS for the next 2 yrs than just One in HS. Yes, I am that old. My oldest is a Junior is HS 0_0. I remember being a Jr.....crap he shouldn't be that OLD! and neither should I!

Insanely Tired

Ever have one of those lives where you are soooooooo tired and your body is ready to crash but your mind starts coming up with the BEST idea's EVER! Ya, WHY?!?!?! I would like to flip a switch that takes all those thoughts and "stores" them for later in my brain so that I can get some great sleep and not feel guilty. Don't get me wrong, most of the time I tell myself to shut up, I refuse to get up and eventually - who knows when, my brain minds me and I fall to blissful sleep. Erm, yeah let's go with that. >.< I've heard of authors and musicians who sleep with a note pad next to their bed for when they get inspiration in the middle of the night. Yeah there is one there for me but see I have this nagging, yack yack yack brain that just keeps going and going...I think it'd out run the energizer bunny if there were a contest. I do know that it definately lasts longer than my arthritic hands trying to write stuff down that comes pouring out in the middle of the night - or in this case, mid morning when I am trying to catch some zz's. So what is so profound that I got up, came down here yet still wishing I was in bed? Good question! Now that I have started to write this, the good stuff that sounded great and inspiring for my Learning to Love Myself book......well, yeah it's POOFED! grumble grumble grumble However, I would bet you apples to oranges that if I went back upstairs and laid down, it would come back. I however, am too tired to mess with it, if I go back upstairs I stay and no I'm not taking the computer with me! nah

Sunday,... the Sabbath

Amazingly and shockingly, I went to church yesterday. For some of you this is a shock simply because you didn’t know that I hadn’t been going. For others it is a shock because I have not been going. ;) Got it? Last year church started at 9am. When you don’t go to bed until 6am from the day before, 9am is a little too early. On the days it was my turn to teach the lesson, I would stumble in just to teach class, go home and crash. Well, church is at 11am this year….I had full intentions of going, my body said no. Rude how it wins arguments all the time! Needless to say, I was released from my Sunday School teaching job and put in as the Visiting Teaching Supervisor. Yay for no more zombie teaching Sunday’s . So if none of this has made any sense or if you are new to reading my blog I should explain. For the past year I have not been able to sleep. No I’m not a typical insomniac, my body and my brain have been arguing for a long time. I’ve been to Dr’s, reflexologists, done all the book “self help” things. Sleeping pills are like Nyquil for me, I am a walking zombie with my body crying for sleep and my eyes wide open. Yeah, no fun. Therefore, yesterday, I went to church for the first time in oh maybe 9 or 10 months? No, I am not proud of that and no I am not gloating…..I’m saying YAY ME I went to church!

I’ve always known who it was that missed me while I was gone and it was nice to see them again. Interesting part about it is that they are ALL older than me, some could even be my mother. I think I have a few friends in the younger than me set but it’s hard to tell. They seem to stick together in the nearly dead or young married/newly wed set. There are 1 or 2 though that are my age =0 shocking I know that were glad to see me. Now, why did I go? Anthony got ordained a priest. My in-laws were here from Oregon and came up from Eagle Mountain. I would have gone even if they had not been there. I’ve actually tried to go the past 3 weeks but the first week I ended up with a lung infection, the 2nd week Olivia was sick and last week, everyone was sick – including me. I love the gospel but I am not one of the contributors to “we have to go to church no matter what”. If my kids are sick – they stay home. If my hubby is sick he dopes himself up and than the Bishop sends him home, via the fact he’s the Executive Secretary to the Bishop and the Bishop is a germaphobic. Hmm, I believe I started typing this just to say how nice it was to be missed. I was in fear of the dreaded, “look who’s here!” but it didn’t happen. The people who greeted me knew I’d been having health issues and asked first how I was doing, than shook my hand or gave me a hug and said they were glad I was back. Being welcome is always a good thing, especially when it doesn’t go too far.

Getting Ready...........

Officially by Monday I will be dead. My body is majorly complaining at me for everything I've tried to get done this week, let alone today. I used to be superwoman and this would have been nothing and I still would be going. It really stinks when you can't push yourself just a little bit more to be kinda "normal". =P Thankfully I've been kinda sleeping this week which has allowed me a bit more energy to tackle the stuff I have. =] (YAY) Dean has made 1 trip to DI, 2 to the school recycling bin and has returned from picking up the borrowed chairs. Chicken is trying to thaw in the sink >.> I need it thawed by tonight so I can put everything in pans, cover it with foil and leave them in the fridge for tomorrow. :D Shoot - I just cleaned the kitchen and realize I have to make bread >.< crap. Guess I'll be "re-cleaning" the kitchen tonight. The blank spots left on the wall downstairs are just boards needing to be cut- WAHOO! It's not perfect, you can tell a pro didn't do it but my hope is that it just looks better than it did! (the hole is gone now!!!! YES! can you see my happy dance?)

Left on the docket today......call and receive remaining visiting teaching reports - go to the church and do the report >.>, make bread, re-clean the kitchen >/, scan pictures for the Eagle boy and for myself, entertain the in-laws, get the wood cut, oh yeah- TAKE A SHOWER =P......it's almost 4 I think that's all I'm going to be able to squeeze in. Toodles!

Alien Abduction....=S

Have you ever heard yourself say something and wondered why it was coming out of your mouth? Felt yourself react yet it isn't what you were thinking and you can't stop it? Okay, well that is happening a little too often to me these days....I'm going to blame it on an alien abduction. =] See, I'm not going crazy - it was an alien >]. The scary part about that comment is the fact that the actions really are alien to you if that isn't what your thinking; therefore, that statement is true 0_0.

I don't know why I'm blessed with the friends that I have. A really good friend I haven't seen for 20 yrs until this year =] sent me some good advice. It wasn't advice I didn't know, it just needed to be heard again. Thank you. However, it still hasn't made the aliens that have taken me over leave. Last night, once my brain was functioning logically again, I realized and had it confirmed that my friend was simply trying to invite me to the fun. He wanted to include me but for some reason my pea-brain decided I don't know what and made it physically hurt. =/ I'm really confused by this one, am I getting Alzheimer's? No that's not the one - bipolar? split personality? Those sound really scary 0_o we'll forget I said anything =].

Mr Junior, (my life is possessed and I don't want it to be I still want to be a kid) has a big weekend. He stayed after school to practice for the concert next week, the artist performing came to practice with them. He's now currently at the Layton Lancers Football game (GO LANCERS!) where he marches the team out with one drum and than switches to a different once the band hits the bleachers. Than he heads to his favorite place - Susan's cabin - his grandparents come tomorrow sometime from Oregon and Sunday is church, his ordination and everyone at our house for Linner (lunch/dinner) afterward. I think I'm REALLY glad that Monday is a holiday for ALL OF US! He complains he has no time to do anything but honestly, he is Mr Schedule...he has always had to have something to do or he goes nuts and takes it out on siblings. So, sorry fb fans...he can vent there all he wants but know that at home he's just busy and not spending 4 hrs a day on his xbox =P. I told him if he can pull a C or higher from Alg 2 and Chemistry than I will consider letting him get a job. Right now he is helping to clean up at Susan's house so that they can finish their remodel.

Yummy pancakes for dinner again. I hate the last pay week of August to Sept. It ends up being almost 3 weeks before payday and I have 2 kids bdays in the middle. >.< Anthony received his presents before his birthday so all he got was a cake and his new rules (curfew, etc). Previously he received an xbox harddrive, game controller, 2 games....yeah he got enough. Olivia wants a sleepover for her bday next week and hasn't decided on her cake yet so that will be interesting to tackle. Okay, back to the mess in my house before my mother-in-law arrives =].

I'm beginning to hate the word "whatever"

Have you ever noticed that the word "whatever" is always said derogatory when used by itself? Whether said by unhappy teenagers in response to a parental decision, teacher assignment, punishment even....or said by adults- it never means a good thing.

Lately I've been hearing that word alot. Partially from Anthony who has suddenly realized that sitting on his butt after school is no longer an option and is grieving for his younger days and partially from those I consider friends. Yeah why would you be friends with someone who seems to repeatedly be saying to you "whatever, I'm sick of the bs". Yeah, hence my status on fb. It seems that I am the bs, they aren't saying specifically that I am yet when one hears this term used liberally enough and they are associated with the matter - one tends to start to believe it. So, how do personal feelings, thoughts and actions of one person turn into the bs spoken of by another? I don't exactly know. I don't know that I want to know. You know all this soul searching and learning to love yourself really hurts. There are parts of everyone that you hide from the world. Sometimes you allow a few people to see that, hoping for acceptance, hoping that what you hide isn't as bad as it seems to you. nuff said.

So, now it's 2:30 in the morning and instead of sleeping I'm crying. I hoped and I prayed and felt good about talking out differences with my friend and sort of beginning again. Maybe that's not possible, maybe this person can't forgive or let go. I know that when I hear those words out of their mouth it stabs me in the heart. "You have to re-earn my trust", maybe trust wasn't the only thing - maybe they didn't realize that they really had no idea how much bs I was capable of or made of. Maybe we all are.