November

So this month I decided to join Jojo in trying to write a novel. It's the National Novel Writing Month (nanowrimo) and once I figured out how it worked =P, I started. They really should give clearer instructions to those of us slightly denser first time users...but I did figure it out after playing around some.

For those of you that were reading my first book, "Learning to Love Myself"...I haven't given up on that. Actually, this new book is kind of like an adaption. It's called "Strong Women...perchance to Love". The idea behind it is that as strong women, sometimes life seems more difficult. We may believe in ourselves but not have a self esteem, we may be loved unconditionally but not know the full measure of it. Sounding familiar? =D yus, cuz it is the concept of my first book. What I'm attempting to do is take the advice from all of you, the counselling, etc and put it into a fictional character's life. Something that she is going through and will learn from.

I've decided I hate writing dialog >[. It pains me, so I am grateful to a wonderful niece, Lisa, who will eventually, when I send it to her ;], take the time to help her dear old aunt, grammatically speaking. He he. My self esteem is in process...a bunch of things that came about from my therapy, if your interested, ask....so I would ask that you not squash whatever little bit is there by making any comments. Positive comments are always welcome =]; however, I know that I've made typo's and run on sentences, and I know that romance isn't everyone's cup of tea...so, please don't reiterate =D.I'm hard enough on myself, more than all of you combined actually =].

My enthusiasm isn't quite where it was a couple of weeks ago, but that's okay. I am still writing and taking it day by day. Thankfully the kids leave for school and I stay up at night, nice quiet times to write. I am still looking for inspiration from any of you out there. Please know that most of you "are" my inspiration for all the strong women that I write about. I count myself blessed to know you and love you. =] You can access the book from the upper right box on my blog. Remember that its in blog form so start at the very beginning in the blog archive.

Paix

So many thoughts rumbling around

(Its amazing how much a sunrise means...to one who's had a terrible night.)


The one thing about these zoning treatments is that it releases more than my stress but it wakes up my spirit and all these new thoughts and idea's pop into my head. Joining things together so that more of my world, religion make sense. I just want to come home and blog before it all leaves but just like waking up at 2am with an idea - its always gone or different once you find the piece of paper.

So - Sarah (my zoner) and I chatted about what I said a couple of blogs ago about "feeling" people in our dreams. She totally believes me and what she told me is somewhat in line with what I had written. Our spirits (souls) are made up of energy...energy is universal..therefore you do not have to be in the same room with someone to feel their spirit. Now that she knows I have this ability she's going to work with me so that the spiritual contact in my sleep is kept appropriate. Haha...interesting comment. ...how often do we think of our dreams as just being dreams? Our minds and spirit working together in the night to sort out what we've heard or seen or done during the day, processing information and trying to rejuvinate the body while making sense of sometimes nonesense. Yes, I believe that most dreams are that way - most of mine are anyways. I did a poll on fb with my friends and most of their dreams are that way too.
However, every now and than when something is going on in someone's life and their spirit needs support or to share good news - I believe that is when connected spirits reach out to each other in our sleep.

I made the mistake of telling someone about being friends in the pre-exsistence. Well, they don't believe in anything but an after life so I was "freaky" and yeah wasn't a good thing. =] However, with what the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us, we know that we were born as spirits before we were born with bodies. So if we were spirits before, where were we? Would we not have made friends and had companions while we awaited our time to gain a physical body? Our was our intelligence (spirit) born with us? It is not cellular like our physcial bodies and it had wisdom even as an infant, just watch a child and marvel at how fast they learn and grow.

Anyway...lol, why I mention that...I have had about 6 ppl in my life that I have instantly connected with, those I believe were best friends in the pre-exsistence. Some have come into my life and vanished again but we just the fact that we retouched here - gave us both the understanding of there. Those people that you meet that you don't have to try to be friends with - you suddenly just ARE. Those that it feels like you've known them forever - well........you have =P. My Dean is one of those...people wonder at our getting engaged 2 weeks after we met and married 3 months later...no mystery - I knew him and he knew me. There was a sense of familiarity, deja vu if you will at certain times, and nothing had to really be thought about. We met and everything just fit, and it still does. He understands me more than anyone I know and what he doesn't - he tries to....I have never met anyone more patient and I can tell you, with me I'm sure I have pushed him limits. But he loves me, and if I ever doubted that, I just have to look at the fact that he is still here with me, trying to solve problems, helping me to overcome my own, and giving of himself at my time of need.

My sister is literally very old. Not in body but in spirit. She has been told that hers was one of the first spirits created....she waited a long, long time, but thankfully I was blessed to have her in my family. I mention this because some people think it strange when you have friends older or younger than you...but your aren't friends because of the physical body, you are friends because your spirits reconnected. Who knows how old that person literally may be? I have found that I have very few friends around my age...=] my best friend Steph who is always there bless her heart and maybe one or two others. I tend to migrate to either older (7 yrs plus) or younger friends. Not sure why, not really sure that it matters, atleast it doesn't to me. We all need friends in this world, to survive, to grow, to learn, to love, and to just get through life with. How sad it is that the world has evolved to the stage that innocence has turned to shamefulness or looked at with crude eyes.

I've been thinking about the dream I had a couple of weeks ago, where I was with my friends and family and upon leaving, saying goodbye...actually felt one person kiss me goodbye. Yeah, lol that was different...and startling enough that I woke up. But not before I think I met this spirits protector. I've really been trying to figure this out...not that its bad, it was not felt that way -but just interesting. Interesting that a protector felt needed or maybe not needed but was just observing...hmm idk. After hugging and kissing ppl goodbye (see family parties for visual =] ) this person who had not been in my dream until the very end, showed up. Shook my hand and held my gaze. A kind, concerned, gentle face that I thanked for bringing my friends to me. Out of my entire dream...the kiss and that person's face were real. The new spirit didn't touch me as my friends did, but was real and it was actually pretty cool.

My blessing tells me to be my own teacher. To teach others - lol youth specifically (no wonder I become friends easily) - and to listen to the holy spirit. If nothing else, I am grateful for my zoning to reconnect me with my poor sick spirit that I have been neglecting. For helping me to feel the holy spirit more often and be receptive of its teachings. To be grateful for the blessings of my life, my troubles, and those that fill my life each day - with happiness or sadness or anything inbetween.

paix

So it's good =D

Ha ha..he'll shoot me IF he ever reads this -(he he). Ok so to the left is my Brandy. Yeah, NOT a girl =P...just like the rest of you I have nicknames for Jojo, Isha, Boo, Hedgie, etc etc...this is Brandon. This is my "illustrious" friend in Michigan that I've now known for 3 yrs. We didn't think we'd make staying friends for 3 yrs - not always easy being a mom and having a best friend who's a teenager - one either side - haha- but hopefuly both of us have learned alot. For example, I have gained a lot of knowledge on what guys go through and hopefully am a little more prepared for Anthony to hit these ages now- >.> here's hoping. This is the young man who's wise comments I post on here every now and than and he turned 18 yesterday! Congrats Brandy. We sent him a box of candy - sour patch kids and airheads and are hoping if he ate it all today that the sugar rush lasts him through his hockey game tonight. he he he.

Ok this pic to the left kinda says a lot =]...yes I'm feeling amazingly better! This is only after 3 visits with Sarah - Dean can tell a HUGE difference and wishes we could afford for me to go twice a week but at $50 an hour - and I do 2 hr sessions - yeah- its totally worth it. We are working with essences as well - I have one called Dreamtime that is helping me to get to sleep and than go back to sleep at night. (hoping I don't jinx myself) I've gone from going to bed at 8:30am the day to going to bed at 2:30 am. =0 I start my nutritional supplements on Monday - AHHHH no more diet coke - AHHHHHH! I can be brave 0.o pfft. So what is going to happen is I am going to start a nutritional supplement called Equilib (of same formula as True Hope) and K48 (Krill Oil). I will still take my medications but I am being monitored daily and weekly by a representative of the Equilib company. They chart my progress and forward information to Sarah and to my regular family doctor. After a month or so if my symptoms have gone down, I will start weening off my prescription drugs. =D...I have wanted to do that since I started them, because they have never fully worked. Plus I would rather not have to take med's period. If I can do stuff to help me and my family with the herbs and essences - I'm excited. =]
(Ha ha...I just realized that the pic with Anthony is almost identical to one I did with Jason when I was 16...so he woulda been ...about 7? Thanksgiving and someone wanted a pic - HA HA HA- so they got one - except my mouth was full of pie ;] )

So, I am in good spirits, I am very, VERY hopeful that these treatments will continue to give positive focus and that I can not only reclaim myself but maybe claim a better me along the way. =] sooooooooo - NO PICS at Thanksgiving - MAYBE Christmas...Alisha hopefully you and Cory will be at both =]...but I'm thinking this will be a great kick start to not just a new mental me but physical also.

paix