I think these are really hard cuz while I'm writing I can't think of anything and when I stop my mind floods...geesh.
1. My toothbrush has to be wet before and after I put toothpaste on it.
2. I brush my tongue and rinse my mouth with a "hand" full of water - not a cup.
3. My current music fetish depends on who my current best friend is.
4. I really am an amazing chef...if I'd just do it.
5. Each night I search for another soul calling me before I go to sleep.
6. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of arachnids - they give me the creepy crawlies for days!
7. I talk to my dog and truely believe he understands me.
8. I make friends easier and keep them longer if they are male. *shrugs
9. My teeth chatter uncontrollably at 66 degree's.
10. I collect cookbooks.....but I don't use them. >.>
11. I CANNOT wear just socks. I either have to have shoes on or go barefoot.
12. I still LOVE to dance but only when no one is looking.
13. At one point I could hit a low C- middle C -and high C vocally (yes with all inbetween =P)
14. I have to sing at Dean's Grandmother's funeral when she passes. >.>
15. I have actually written piano music.
16. I used to sleep with my 22 under my pillow. (psycho roomie)
17. I cannot see to shave my legs. Ha Ha - I don't wear my glasses in the shower! It will be nice to get contacts again.
18. My clutter is organized...DON'T TOUCH IT!
19. I nibble all the chocolate off of Twix or Snickers, than eat the cookie/nougat and save the caramel til last.
20. Being around people gives me an "up" whereas being alone gives me too much time to criticize myself.
21. I have finally finished writing my first book!
22. My eyelashes are naturally curly too - stupid things.
23. I am addicted to my online friends. I will sit on fb or msn until one says hello.
24. I tend to get too involved in people I don't know's lives.
25. My dragons love to sit under my shirt between my breasts. It's warm there =P.
Tag*
Facepalm
Chocolate Frogs
A little doot will do ya
2010/08/08
2010/08/06
Wow....I'm SO WHINEY!
You know what they say "the thing that bugs you the most about someone is the thing that is most like you". 0_0 EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. My biggest, BIGGEST pet peeve is WHINING! And over the past couple of weeks I've realized just how whiney I am when I don't understand something, how desperate and the control freak in me is HORRIFIED! Ha ha, oh my gosh how dare I be human and worse yet, a whiney one! Lol. Maybe that's one of the reasons I love writing, the emotion can come out but it is in the ear of the reader as to the voice tone that it is given. >] Granted, you could ask certain people of the male gender and they would tell you I am the biggest whiner on the planet - now, how do I stop and how do I not have my daughter do the same. Now wait a minute, is it whining or is it a tantrum? Hmmm, that is my second biggest pet peeve and I KNOW that one hangs true. According to my mother I was the best tantrum thrower on the planet - hunh, high praise of a horrid activity >.>. Anthony has to be the next best trantrum thrower - poor kid got it from me. My mom would ignore my tantrum for exactly about 1 minute- lol. Than I received the choice of spanking or shutting up - eyah, I usually got spanked - erm, I have a temper? <.< Yes, I do have an ENORMOUS temper, I rarely spanked my kids when they threw their tantrums, usually me coming into their room and angrily stating that I could throw a better trantrum but it would be all over them and would they like to see - yeah that usually stopped them. I didn't say I was a good or even great mom, but atleast I didn't hit them and hopefully their "ice" scars (my tone of voice) have healed over cuz I always did come back and say sorry and explain why.
So that makes me think.....my psychologist asked me why I was such a control freak and what would happen if I just let myself go (like when I'm with Dean - you understand >.> ), I just stared at her and said IDK, I'm a little afraid to find out. She didn't know the whiney, angry child that I "could" be - on the other hand, on normal days I actually would get in trouble from my sisters cuz I was always singing >.>. Wow, have I needed anti-depressants my whole life? ha ha ha interesting thought. *sigh. I think there might be more blog postings for awhile, you see I'm on the computer - ALOT, since my work is on here and since I work at home, a normal 6 hr shift might take me 9 hrs (start,stop,start,stop). I usually break up the boredom and repetitiveness by chatting to friends online, watching Hulu.com or now Netflix. Well, my shows have started again so there isn't much to watch on Hulu, I'm still trying to figure out Netflix, and my best friend isn't chatting with me anymore soooooooo- here is my source of release - you poor, poor pepole reading this ;).
Hmm, the thoughts expressed above are interesting...I've never thought about the learning to stop my tantrums kinda turned me into a control freak - but it makes perfect sense. Being a control freak means really being afraid to fail - therefore, not allowing myself the space I need to examine my feelings but rather hiding them and holding them in. Than unfortunately they turn into anger, especially if I don't understand fully what's happening- which would be why it makes me sound whiney. Wow. Not sure I can fix this one right away but now that I've discovered this I can acknowledge when it happens and don't they say that's the first step? =]
So I acknowledge also that as the youngest of eight kids, I love my family, but don't feel like I fit. I've always gotten along better with my nieces and nephews, probably because they are closer to my age. Cherisa is 14 yrs younger than me, which funny enough is close to the age difference between her dad and I- he's 15 yrs older than me. =] I've been dubbed the "Cool Aunt" lol (only cuz I'm a gamer =P) and the one that's old but not a dinosaur so it's okay to discuss certain things with me...lol =P. I mention this only because I'm headed out the door to a "siblings" dinner tonight with my family. Yes, some of my family are old enough that they are "empty nestors" so the "older adult" segment of my life has begun - ick. I remember when I used to "WANT" to sit at the adult table at Thanksgiving - not be stuck at the "kids" table with my nieces and nephews - ha ha what goes around comes around I guess. More old people tomorrow - atleast I'm hoping so since Mimi has gone to alot of work for the Joshua Parshall Terry Family Reunion again this year. I really hope that more than just her siblings come to support her and her efforts. Oh well, time to make my salad for the dinner.
2010/08/05
Pondering...........
Cherisa is here for the week while she attends a "dance conference" in Salt Lake. It's always fun to have her, the kids love her and we always end up in some interesting convo's- lol. It has been an interesting month from last month through now, so I hope she remembers that we aren't (especially me) always like this.
I hope that most of you know that I use this as a "pondering" page if you will. It's actually good therapy to get the crud stuck in your mind- OUT - and into the written word. For some reason, it's more "real" if it's written down, you than can't take those words back, even if you have an eraser or backspace, your mind will always remember what it saw. It's rather frightening to do that with intimate subjects, subjects that maybe you don't want anyone else to know have crossed your mind. I must say though, I have ventured into that, written something - let someone else who it involved read it and than WOW - I didn't really feel that way anymore, it was so liberating. When words are written down and you claim them as your own, you than must accept and face the thoughts that you have been experiencing. You can no longer justify or simply push away in the back until later.
I'm hoping that today's post will help me regarding friends. This is not a pity post, this is simply the way it is as seen through MY eyes - other people may see it differently, because we are not all the same. High School was not my favorite time of life. I had friends, that maybe I shouldn't have, did and said things I know I shouldn't have, and than finally came into myself, accepted myself and from there on, HS was great. Unfortunately that didn't happen until Sr year =] but it did last through my single years and until I got pregnant with Anthony (soon to be 16). I was confident, had fun, lived my religion and had friends - yeah I was a work-aholic too. My phsycologist says that I am a people person, I couldn't agree with her more. I thrive on physical contact, helping people, making people happy, you get the idea. I am not blaming anyone or anything just trying to accept and change my mindset by putting things down - just clarifying. When Anthony was born I was supposed to start being a stay at mom, well I was and I am - I've worked from home now for 16 years. It isn't all it's cracked up to be, far from it when you have little ones or even big ones needing and wanting your attention. I need to acknowledge that my current job which I have held for 13 1/2 yrs, was a Godsend and still blesses our lives. In the current world of unemployment, I am still grateful for my job and the help it gives us to pay our bills each payperiod. Back to people- sorry got sidetracked. For 16 yrs now it's been me, my computer, my telephone, and my children. It didn't bother me until about 4 yrs ago when my mother passed. I'm thinking right now that might be because I called my mom and my sister (they worked together) every day- they were my "office chatter" if you will. When that ended I started feeling more alone - phone doesn't ring, kids are all now fully in school. I thought I would like this time, but I don't. Therefore, I have reached out to "online" friends. People that are on their computers for whatever reason at the same times I am - people that I was playing MMORPG games with. A few of these people became really good friends.
Cultures are different because of religion or lack thereof. Needless to say, I am very different from anyone any of these people have ever encountered. For awhile I believe its nice and they like me because I am different. Than after a year or two I seem to be more of a meddler than I do a friend. Most of these people are not used to anyone truely caring about them - I believe because of that, my caring becomes "stifling". Now, if I knew these people in real life, things may have still turned out the same way or we would still be friends, idk. My problem lies with "real friend" lines and "online friend" lines. I'm dumb enough I didn't know there was a difference - to me, a friend is a friend- a best friend a unique treasure that I try to hold onto - maybe trying too hard. I've been thinking this past month of how naive, how stupid I can be. Part of me tells me this is true and I believe it, another part tells me no I am different and the people knew that, their loss. That's easy to say to my kids, it's not so easy to say to yourself when it feels like part of your soul has been ripped away from you. Losing a best friend is like losing my mom all over again. The thought of never talking to that person again, never sharing a laugh, stupid joke, whatever - seems unbelievable. I suppose what makes it unbelievable is the misunderstanding that created it (the preventable illness) and how much it hurts to finally understand that a person doesn't value you as much as you did them. =] You can't change them, you can't make them, and it only makes you seem more of baby, more desperate when you try. There is no answer for this, everyone has their free agency. At times, I would rather that their free agency didn't squash mine to pieces.
I hope that most of you know that I use this as a "pondering" page if you will. It's actually good therapy to get the crud stuck in your mind- OUT - and into the written word. For some reason, it's more "real" if it's written down, you than can't take those words back, even if you have an eraser or backspace, your mind will always remember what it saw. It's rather frightening to do that with intimate subjects, subjects that maybe you don't want anyone else to know have crossed your mind. I must say though, I have ventured into that, written something - let someone else who it involved read it and than WOW - I didn't really feel that way anymore, it was so liberating. When words are written down and you claim them as your own, you than must accept and face the thoughts that you have been experiencing. You can no longer justify or simply push away in the back until later.
I'm hoping that today's post will help me regarding friends. This is not a pity post, this is simply the way it is as seen through MY eyes - other people may see it differently, because we are not all the same. High School was not my favorite time of life. I had friends, that maybe I shouldn't have, did and said things I know I shouldn't have, and than finally came into myself, accepted myself and from there on, HS was great. Unfortunately that didn't happen until Sr year =] but it did last through my single years and until I got pregnant with Anthony (soon to be 16). I was confident, had fun, lived my religion and had friends - yeah I was a work-aholic too. My phsycologist says that I am a people person, I couldn't agree with her more. I thrive on physical contact, helping people, making people happy, you get the idea. I am not blaming anyone or anything just trying to accept and change my mindset by putting things down - just clarifying. When Anthony was born I was supposed to start being a stay at mom, well I was and I am - I've worked from home now for 16 years. It isn't all it's cracked up to be, far from it when you have little ones or even big ones needing and wanting your attention. I need to acknowledge that my current job which I have held for 13 1/2 yrs, was a Godsend and still blesses our lives. In the current world of unemployment, I am still grateful for my job and the help it gives us to pay our bills each payperiod. Back to people- sorry got sidetracked. For 16 yrs now it's been me, my computer, my telephone, and my children. It didn't bother me until about 4 yrs ago when my mother passed. I'm thinking right now that might be because I called my mom and my sister (they worked together) every day- they were my "office chatter" if you will. When that ended I started feeling more alone - phone doesn't ring, kids are all now fully in school. I thought I would like this time, but I don't. Therefore, I have reached out to "online" friends. People that are on their computers for whatever reason at the same times I am - people that I was playing MMORPG games with. A few of these people became really good friends.
Cultures are different because of religion or lack thereof. Needless to say, I am very different from anyone any of these people have ever encountered. For awhile I believe its nice and they like me because I am different. Than after a year or two I seem to be more of a meddler than I do a friend. Most of these people are not used to anyone truely caring about them - I believe because of that, my caring becomes "stifling". Now, if I knew these people in real life, things may have still turned out the same way or we would still be friends, idk. My problem lies with "real friend" lines and "online friend" lines. I'm dumb enough I didn't know there was a difference - to me, a friend is a friend- a best friend a unique treasure that I try to hold onto - maybe trying too hard. I've been thinking this past month of how naive, how stupid I can be. Part of me tells me this is true and I believe it, another part tells me no I am different and the people knew that, their loss. That's easy to say to my kids, it's not so easy to say to yourself when it feels like part of your soul has been ripped away from you. Losing a best friend is like losing my mom all over again. The thought of never talking to that person again, never sharing a laugh, stupid joke, whatever - seems unbelievable. I suppose what makes it unbelievable is the misunderstanding that created it (the preventable illness) and how much it hurts to finally understand that a person doesn't value you as much as you did them. =] You can't change them, you can't make them, and it only makes you seem more of baby, more desperate when you try. There is no answer for this, everyone has their free agency. At times, I would rather that their free agency didn't squash mine to pieces.
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