Popular vs Influential vs Selfish

For once the thought process came and STAYED so that I could blog...wahoo! So, I started thinking about who is influential in your life, if you are more influential than you know, and than popularity zinged in. Therefore, I have taken the task to look up each word and see if you can have one without the other.

Popular: widely liked, or appreciated, sought after for company by others; of or representing or carried on by the people at large.

Influence: a power indirectly influencing people or an event, to have power over, to cause a change in the character, action or thought of.

Selfish: concerned only or primarily with onself without regard for others, a person who cares for no one.

(just for fun) Self-Esteem: satisfaction with oneself.

Alright, so we can see that the words do not relate to each other, each having a vastly different meaning. Therefore, I can only assume that it is lack of understanding, the slang of our current culture that ropes these words together. It could be memories of youth, current associations or many different items that affect this.

In High School, there were always the "popular" kids. To those of us who were not popular, they appeared to have great influence on those around them. I was one of those that was lucky enough to be "passing" friends with the majority of the populars. Did they influence my choices? My views? My behavior? No actually they didn't. However, I do declare that I am a stubborn cuss and would at that age, go against a current trend just to do it. With this in mind I am apt to believe that you could also pull into this conversation by myself, the words "Leader's and Follower's". At one time of life or another I have been taught that you will either lead or follow; it simply depends on the situation and your comfort level with it.

I suppose that my "un"comfort level with the word "influential" is what has brought this thought to task. I have been told that I am influential.....hmmm....that turns my mind to wonder of why and what must those that follow be thinking? =] (sorry - just a joke) There are times in my life that yes, I can look back and see that I took upon myself the role of leader....but it also comes to my mind of: when I led was I a good leader? were people upset by me? did I come on too strong? Yes, I realize that many leaders have the same thought patterns running their minds, atleast I hope they do - otherwise I would have to add the word "selfish" back into my mix.

My therapist several years ago thought my ideals and idea's of things backwards. I have had a few friends mention that as well. It is possible I suppose that along the road of life, our definitions of ourselves are plodded out by those around us. Not only in the "labels" that others give to us but in how we understand and interpret what has been said. I shy away from the word "influential" as much as I do "popular" or "selfish"....they seem selfish words to me. If I admit that I could be any of those words do I become haughty or selfish?

My goal in this life at this time isn't simple; for my goal is to examine they why's and what not's or these words and learn to apply them "correctly" towards myself or anyone else. Therefore leaving off any connection with words that do not help but simply hinder one's self esteem.

First Date...and other stuff

First off, this is my beautiful niece Alisha and her new husband Cory. Last weekend we drove up into Maplewood Canyon, just off of Fountain Green. There were some really beautiful tree's there and the rock formations were incredible! The actually looked like they were created or made out of that moon sand or something...just beautiful. We went back to Nephi for a wedding "after party" where they had a country band come play, good dutch oven grub and of course wonderful company since it was all friends and family. I did not get to stay as long as I would have wanted but that's okay. It was actually good that I came home when I did. We missed out on fun dancing and goofing off but the time there was very enjoyable none-the-less.

Ben went on a campout this weekend...his last as a Deacon. Surprised us since he usually doesn't like to go but demanded that he get to on this one. The quorum is a little different than the normal and he enjoys being with the boys that are there now. Olivia is up at the Adams cabin having fun with William - Dean and I took Anthony on his first date. Lol, I think I'm rather honored. How many kids do you know that would take their parents on their "first date" as a double date? Well he doesn't have his license yet so I or Dean will be driving him on any date that he goes on for the next 6 months unless he can convince Dan or Max to double with him. We headed up to Fernwood Park next to the Layton Castle. It had a fire a couple of years ago and as you can see from my picture, there is still burnt, dead wood sticking up out of the ground but also some beautiful vegetation beginning to come forth. The trail is about 1/4 of a mile and than you can continue crossing the small stream but we ended there - turned around and headed back. About 4 different pairs of cyclists passed us coming and going - a long distance runner - and other families trying to get Christmas photo's. We drove to the lower parking lot where they have fire pits and picnic tables and had our picnic. I only packed enough bread for one sandwich and I will agree with Dean that the sandwich was really good and could have eaten another. We took fruit and cookies and drinks and than just sat and chatted.

I was my typical self and before picking up Arianna I ran Anthony through his manners, pick her up at the door, handshake, nice small talk, open the car doors for her, etc etc. I have tried since they were 2 to pound manners into their heads. Even though I rarely see it at home, my boys have learned well and I am proud of them. (Others tell me of their manners when they are away from us.) Anthony has liked this little girl for almost a year; however, it wasn't until recently that she finally admitted that she has liked him back. The nice thing about the holidays being here is that there are plenty of activities around to make free dates =]. Arianna is very shy, it will take her a bit to get used to the rest of us, it took her over 6 months to get used to Anthony ;). It was a fun time today and I do believe that the first date was a success!

Not sure....hmmm

I'm not sure that all my thoughts make sense ;) but when have they ever right? Different things going on therefore different thoughts constantly at battle for the spotlight but all it is, is a mass of jumbled words. Let's see if I can assemble them into any such order. =]

I started and have now completed the first three books in the Inheritance Series by Christopher Paolini. As a writer he impresses me, such as he wrote Eragon when he was 17. I keep trying to write, I long to write. However, my imagination is impatient and I see what I want to write in sum. It is very hard to pick details out of a whole picture...I still needs learn to pick the picture apart and study it, than write it. I have completed a book, yet as I look at it, with anything a perfectionist does, it is not good enough for me. Therefore, I will look at it as though it is the premise of thought, awaiting additional idea's and instruction before it is truely complete. Alas, the book I started long ago and wonder if I should ever finish, is still only a few pages long. Somehow I wish to incorporate these two books together. I have had much thought on this but I believe it requires much more. The books I mention are first "Perchance to Love" and second, "Learning to Love Myself". In title alone you can see that they are not so much alike, yet I believe that you must love yourself before you can love another. That is my hope that will bring them together. Goodness, major digression.....I was going to conclude about the Inheritance Series that I found a passage in there that has stuck in my mind. The dragon, Saphira, says, "partner-of-my-mind-and-my-heart". I really like that and yes, it does have the hyphens in it - I don't know why.

That brings up what else has been roaming around in the dark recesses of my brain...friendship or love. I am a very firm believer in and can often be heard saying, "You cannot help who you love". I also believe there are different types of love, that all are not related to "physical affection". I love my children as their mother....fiercely, adamantly, whole heartedly and without reservation. I love my husband as my eternal companion, my helpmeet, and my steady rock in a shaking world. I love my family mostly because we are siblings. Many of my siblings are very good friends, not just siblings - anyone with brothers and sisters should understand that statement. I love my parents with my full being and realize the moments I should have cherished and will never have again. And, I love my best friend. That has been my crux if you will these past few months. Many who know me would say, "Well, Dean is your best friend, that makes sense" and it would and does; however, I have two best friends. Sometimes it is weird as I try to keep myself mentally awake and morally straight (as the scouts say =]) concerning any and all of the love in my life. If asked, I would tell you that the people in my life who love me, do so because they have to. Don't get me wrong, I know that they love me; yet as my book title states, I must learn to love myself in order to fully embrace the love I receive from others.

I was not able to listen to all of General Conference last weekend. Thankfully they have it OnDemand on Comcast, as well as the General Relief Society meeting. My wonderful neighbor made sure to tell me that this meeting was definately different than those in the past. =] She also has difficulty with Relief Society at times, coming out feeling more cross with yourself for not doing ALL that you could be instead of feeling better about what you are doing. I am told it was wonderful and uplifting, and she cried -simply because she felt loved. ♥ Good, I look forward to watching it than. =]