I'm an Idiot

This song is how I'm feeling.  A couple of friends will understand the words and that they may pertain to certain parts of their life currently.   "What have you done now?...I've been waiting for someone like you but now you are slipping away...why does fate make us suffer? Would you mind if I killed you?  Would you mind if I tried to cuz you have turned into my worst enemy, you carry hate that I don't feel."

Yeah I get in these moods.  I always like to think that I would never give up on anyone that we all are human, we all make mistakes but if you care enough about each other than at sometime it's possible to come back together - forgive the wrongs and start again.  I've been fortunate to be able to do that several friends - not so much with family.  However, even though there is ALWAYS that angst with that certain family member, we can reside in the same room for up to about 2 hrs we've discovered.  After that something always happens and it goes downhill fast.  My FB status yesterday was talking about giving up and the pain it causes.  Ugh - sometime I don't like being tender hearted, I don't like being empathetic and I REALLY don't like breaking away from someone I love.  It feels like I've lost my parents all over again.  Sorry Beck if this status upsets you some, even though it isn't my husband and I can't feel near the pain you do - ....enough said.

Who needs sleep?!?! 0_o

I am in an incredibly good mood for actually getting to bed/sleep at 6:00 this morning! Gah.....I haven't done that since before MARCH...at the moment no big, I'll let you know in 5 hrs as I'm wandering around my house too tired to sleep, too tired to walk, too tired to read...WHAT?!? *sigh, yes, sad but true. I guess I should really re-write that sentence and say "as I stumble around my house" :]. Today was definately a "NO contacts" day for my poor little burning red eyeballs...glasses it is. Don't ask me why but it only takes my 5 min to put my contacts in - I've been doing for what ? 25 years....but when I don't put them in, I'm ready like 15 min faster! Hmm..go figure. :S

This week is payroll....that is what I was hired to do. Payroll for a fitness club that was giving my sister a migraine every other week :]. Well, it has new management and they are actually letting their "directors" be directors and check payroll, etc, etc. I know...isn't that a really novel exciting idea?!?! :] I thought so! ;] sarcastic toot that I am. Anyways, I spoke with one today who has the biggest headache of the facility - the group fitness instructors. I noticed an instant bond and sisterhood with her comment, "I sent out a note that said "If you don't sign in for the class you're teaching you WON'T be paid for it!"" I think she and I will get along fabulously! <3

My Sci-Fi shows all start this week - wootcha! Tonight started Eureka, Warehouse 13, and a new one called Alpha. Friday is the start Haven :]....this is probably a very positive reason that I am in such an excellent mood. Olivia wanted to get between her eyebrows waxed today >] ... I really am a mean mom on occasion.... O:o me? Does this halo look tilted? >] shhh. Anywho, I got eyebrows waxed and with naturally curly eyelashes and eyebrows, let me tell you waxing is awesome! My brows have never looked so good - but again, I digress :] ...... needless to say, when she saw the lady get the wax out on the little stick she almost LEAPT out of the chair, "NO that's okay, I've changed my mind". LOL I'll remind her of this in 5 yrs when she's 16. Can you say 10 going on 30? and now residing once more at 10 again ..he he he.

I love authors who can create such a believable character that you fall in love with them and with some creative talent of your own can almost picture them. :] *sigh, that's all I'm gonna say on that matter :X.

Drama vs Comedy

Drama can be entertaining right? *eye roll* This blog is supposed to be entertainment for some of my buds, the truth of my life for me and well maybe it's just too depressing for others at times. Welcome to my life, as the blog states, It's NOT Perfect by any means, way or form. I haven't been wanting to post downers lately but that seems to be what has come about. I believe it's due to Grandma Eledice's funeral. My PTSD seems to have taken 5 steps back since we first heard she was going catatonic. I MADE myself get through the drive to and from Oregon, all the family functions, the viewing, the funeral, my singing - even though my body kind of didn't let me get through it how I wanted :(. I would feel my body taking over, the feelings of angst, wanting to curl up into a ball, cry constantly and for no reason, get away from people, etc etc. However, I couldn't DO any of that. There were 2 cars and 3 drivers. Anthony went and hung with one of his favorite cousins that he never see's and a cousins hubby - so that made only 2 drivers. I had to go places, I couldn't hide, so I doped myself up, steeled myself, and put my mask on. I guess I thought I could crash when I got home and that would be the end of it but it's week 2 of being home and it hasn't - oh bother.

Anthony went with the Adam's up to their cabin this weekend, he hasn't been for awhile and decided he wanted to go off jumps on the ATV he hasn't ridden in oh 4 months. Yep, he crashed. Thankfully though he fell arm first, skidded, flipped onto his back and whipped his head around. He says he didn't feel anything but the motion regarding his head - THANK YOU THANK YOU Susie for making them WEAR their HELMETS! He is only scratched up and bruised and I am very happy to say that. I used to have nightmares when I was pregnant with him that even though he was in my womb I still couldn't protect him. I would dream that I would fall down the stairs or someone would stab me in my belly. Lol - yes, you all know how psycho I am now - deal with it. :D

Went to the garden on the 6th to learn how to do the water gates & turns for the irrigation water. Got my feet nice and wet, which actually HELPED stopped the dripping of sweat from my forehead - ewwww. SWEAT - EW~! I'm sorry but I can't STAND to sweat, nor glisten its just ick. There, now you have one of my quirks too - shudder. Anywho - Tyson walked me around, moved the gates, explained things and than we had to wait. Do do do - ha ha it really wasn't that bad considering that Tyson is really a nice guy and a good listener. Yes, scary combo for him since I have the GIFT of gab. However, I did learn some pretty fun facts about Tyson and what makes him tick. Anybody know of a good lady out there we can set him up with? He is currently dating but still looking as of yet - lol. It's been storming the last couple of days so I haven't had a chance to get back to the garden and see how big my plants are now. I had around 6 zucchini's already sprouting and 2 pumpkins that I could see - YEEHAW! I'm so excited that the garden has actually WORKED - who'd have thunk it? I know I'm really good at growing weeds but real plants? :D

I found a book about being an author by the current author I am reading and loving. Her name is Janet Evanovich. Emily I recommend her to you, I think you would LOVE these books but I started on HIGH FIVE not book one - yep they are all numbered and go up to 17 - the latest. I don't recommend these for all people, simply because she throws the F bomb in there helter skelter and there is one sex scene - multiple sexual innuendos however, hers are nice, they aren't crude and they leave LOTS to your imagination - which could be good or bad. *Back on track....* I picked it up at the library today and once I'm finished with book 16 - I totally intend to read it and hopefully find it useful! I'm been thinking alot lately about starting my edits on the book I completed...honestly I don't even remember if I named it! Ha ha ha ha ha, wow, great author I am ;).