Under the weather....

Which is really annoying in more than one way.  For the first part, Fall is my absolutely favorite season of the entire year.  Most years I feel cheated because it lasts maybe just 2 weeks in Utah - >.< seriously?    This is why I love Fall.....

1.  The crispness in the air.  I am a 70 degree person all the way.  I love the comfort and security of a hoodie and a slight bite in the air allows me my favorite clothing.  It also feels fantabulous!
2.  I can BAKE!  With Fall here it means holidays and holidays mean BAKING to me!!! Happy, happy, happy me....baking is an escape and a way to show my love for others.
3.  Beauty all around.  Fall means color change .... the mountains, the tree's, the flowers....in Utah if your lucky you can even catch green grass, sprinkling of white snow, and beautiful red and yellow leaves. =] Gorgeous.
4.  Windows are OPEN....A/C is OFF....what more can I say =].

Anyways....I hate my body.  Well besides what I see in the mirror =P...I am falling apart.  I have actually been falling apart since I was born BUT....everyone's old addage of being over 40 makes it worse has come to pass.  Bah.  I have worked on computers for ...forever!  Before Anthony was born I got checked for Rhuematoid Arthritis - the diagnosis was that it was either Carpal Tunnel or RA but they couldn't say which at that point because they have the same symptoms and I have RA titters.  They did say that since than - so from age of 23, I've had Osteo Arthritis.  Usually it doesn't bug me unless there is a major jet stream coming through  - but now - instead of my wrists, its my freaking SHOULDER!  From working the mouse - really?  I can barely move my shoulder some days to do my hair >.< and it is working through my neck and down the front of my trapizoids?  Anyways - that comes and goes.  However, I have these lovely lungs.  Ugh.  I was diagnosed with reactive asthma about 6 yrs ago - they say it comes from my allergies.  So, whenever I start wheezing I resist going to the Dr - I know he will just say it's allergies are you using your inhaler?  Than Dean always heads to the Dr and comes back with bronchitis - yep got it from me >.< - and than another week or two - heading into about 6 wks now my chest hurts and I've started an antibiotic because I wheeze constantly, my chest hurts, my sinuses are killing me.  I've woken up twice with Asthma attacks in the middle of the night - really?  Never happened before and really scary.  Uh - the pleasures of getting old.

 

Fun things:  Anthony and Arianna went to Layton Homecoming this past weekend. =]

I go my hair recut - and highlighted - you can't see much of it here but that's okay =P.  It's supposed to have sides but I haven't been in the mood to put up with them so they are pushed behind my ears >].

A Full Week

It was payroll week - we actually balanced - which was awesome and helped each of us to get to places that we needed to be on Wednesday.  Olivia turned 11 today.  Time has really flown by - I wouldn't mind that so much if I had good recollection and memories of the past 11 yrs or 20 for that matter but I confess I don't.  Maybe that's a good thing, maybe I've acted in ways that I shouldn't remember or don't want to remember; however, maybe that's bad in I feel I miss some of the little things I should remember for my kids.

Olivia participated in Little Lancelle's this week.  She wants to be famous - she's a lot like her mom.  Hopefully though she will have the confidence I lacked.  She and her best friend Mary went to  3 2 hr practices and than danced at half time at the LHS football game on Friday.  Friday was also her party with her friends - so 3 went to the first half of the game with Dean and I.  Poor things, they knew nothing about football or who was playing and were bored out of their skulls.  Thankfully, they were very good sports about it and had each other.  Left to Right on the bottom picture....Olivia, Kara, Emily, Ivey, and Mary.  The got little purses that looked like jean skirts to decorate and put their party favors in :) - they watched the movie Prom - such a tween thing to do and loved it.  Ate McD's chicken nuggets, fries, 7up, Mickey Mouse cupcakes and strawberry ice cream.  I hope they had a good time - it sure was loud enough. >.<

I got Anthony's butt out the door and over to the Physical Fitness Merit badge counselor's house today.  He's had that badge done for over 6 months - took him 4 times to do it - seriously?  That is pure laziness - he's a Sr this year and has taken gym all but 2 yrs since 7th grade. >/ grrrr.  His Eagle Project is finished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Hence get yer but over and get your last badge signed off!  He's been filling out his paperwork and is almost complete with it.  Tomorrow is the court of honor so he will turn the paperwork in to his leaders for approval and his badge for getting - NEXT court of honor - >.< doofas.

Anthony and Max at Olivia's party when they poked their heads in the door.  If Max doesn't get his bum moving he won't get his Eagle - it's finished - just that ONE merit badge and he turns 18 in January. >.< *sigh

*Sigh

Good news first....its hot.  It's freaking hot which I hope means that my gazillion tomatoes have turned red.  Dean brought home about 10 last week and I've consistently eaten at least one whole one a day. :) I love garden fresh tomatoes, in fact I crave them during the season.  You all may think this gross but don't knock it until you try it but my favorite tomato thing is sliced tomato on peanut butter toast - little bit of salt and pepper.  Om nom nom....it mixes the salty with the sweet, add the pb protein and it's perfect!  I should have enough tomatoes to make salsa and freeze diced tomatoes but I also intend to make tomato jelly.  They make jalapeno jelly so why not?  A tomato is atleast a fruit!

I'm blogging today cuz I feel I owe atleast one person an explanation.  I need to see Sarah or something but it feels like I don't even take my medication these days. >.<  I'm tired, I'm angry, I feel ugly and yeah, not the most pleasant person to be around.  For this reason I have missed set dates with friends and feel that I will be missing other things for the next little while.  I try so hard to keep my mask in place, to go along with what others what because I know that would be what my "normal" self would do and its what people expect.  Hell I don't want to.  I have been for most of the summer and I'm finding that I can't right now.  I can function but I don't want to, but I do it anyways and than I suffer and if I can't control it long enough my family suffers :(.

So there is the explanation.  The reason I haven't been blogging, the reason I haven't been cooking, the reason I haven't been on fb but to check on friends maybe once a day and than gone again.  I don't want sympathy - just wanted it out there.