3 loaves of bread, 2 8X8 pan's of brownies, homemade stew and a good book. I fear I am almost done with all that I can read in the books that Iris Johansen has written. This makes me sad, I really enjoy her books...so I guess in a little bit I will be off to find another new author. I have a couple on hold at the library to try, I've just really enjoyed the mix of people, situations, intrigue and that in most of her books I'm finding that she tells the next character's story in the next book. =] I love that! So far, I've seen the life of one character in 4 books and she's expanding through other books the other characters and people that surround them...how fun and intriguing.
If you read anything on my facebook wall within the past week, you'll see that I've deleted two of my newest and closest pirate friends. One I miss but am okay with deleting. I've always had a knack for attracting people who's lives are completely different than mine. My mom used to call it lost puppy syndrome, I call them friends. I call it learning about life, being grateful for the life I have and was given and learning an appreciation for those that I get to know in real life and online. Neither of these guys were over 30 - in fact, one was 23. He is the one I think I'm okay with losing - and I don't say that losing a friend in fact I'm sad that I've hurt him. His comment to me was that anytime anyone gets close they leave...and I didn't intend to and he's a nice guy. However, I will admit that he wanted more than I was willing to give, which understandably upset him but he respected me for that also. Unfortunately, when I chose to leave, he threw my life back in my face and apparently didn't understand me all that well at all. I'm saddened by that and by his hurt feelings but the way things were going had to stop and the only way I knew to stop them was by pulling away - completely. On the other side if you know me well at all, you know that I won't stay away if I have any say in it - I don't like hurting people and I don't like losing friends.
The other guy our relationship went fast...almost too fast and I think it freaked him. Usually guys like Harv are cool, aloof and impersonal. It has to do with being in the military and since my dad was that way, I totally get it. My last friend I lost, Mel wasn't military but was a bouncer - same type of protective instincts and closed off personality. I had to worm my way into Mel and his life - ok worm is not the right word, more like bulldoze. I didn't need to do that with Harv and I think it took us both back a little and he ran....sort of. Unfortunately he did what I can't emotionally handle - he withdrew...giving just enough of himself each day to keep me around but nothing else - no playing (pillying) or stuff that I was used to - total absence, just a name on a screen. For a reason unknown and still unknown to me - his excuses where just that, excuses. He knew it and I knew it and I could feel it wasn't about to change...so I left. I totally left. I deleted him on facebook, msn, and from all my shoppes on game and him as a hearty on game. After a day of wretching pain I could think and focus better and I tried to reach out - twice. A fault of mine...I can't leave things be, I hate for people to be hurt by me or think badly of me, I want to leave things on an even keel. I have enough problems without adding friends that are now enemies to my list. Well, unfortunately it didn't work, I don't even know that he read what I wrote him- I just know that I'm now a "stalker" and I'm muted on the game. Sigh...but weird ...because I don't really feel like I've lost him or maybe I have and that was the gut wretching pain I felt and than disappated. I don't know...I never know...ugh how annoying. =P
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