Isn't it interesting how little "unthinkable to others" things help boost our self worth and help us to forget our troubles? We've all seen the email or head the story on the email about how a kid stopping to help pick up someone's books and carry them home, saved a person's life.
Not that my life needed saving :) but my medicine definately was not working. When a knock came at the door at dinnertime and a little voice asked for Sis Zenger. When I showed up, one of my previous scouts stood at the door trying to hold back tears - he'd locked himself out of his house. As we went back and left a note for his mom on the door and he is now upstairs playing happily with my children, I felt grateful. Grateful that he would come to me when he was in trouble and seek my help and shelter. That seems kind of silly, but it is one of those things that just hits you every now and than - wow. I assume because I try to be the best I can be (somedays thats pushing it -lol) and you never know how others see you. You never know the impression, the feeling or the affection sometimes, that touches their lives. I was only his scout leader for 3 months, he is inactive - just got baptised actually - and he feels comfortable enough to come to me. That makes me smile, makes me feel good, and maybe puts me up a notch (towards myself) for this day. As I remind my kids, you never know who is watching, so be on your best behavior - it's worth it. :)
2008/03/16
2008/03/12
Interesting - but wonderful
So, over the past few months I have had the opportunity to meet another's "soul" on my little internet game. Found out more about her and what a truely amazing and I will use the word "woman" that she is. She is only 14 and is dying. I know not from what but I do know that she has had an extremely difficult hard, short life which has caused her death. Her spirit is SO strong and she has had the company of angels for so long that the people around her do not understand how she does the things she does. :) I just smile as they renumerate countless experiences to me of the "miracles" in her life that they don't know how "she" does. I think this is why I've been blessed with getting to know this sweet circle of friends. Two of her closest, dearest to her have turned away from God and their religion for some misunderstanding or offense in their life- thinking that God has forsaken them, I will admit that they are both Catholic and really admit that they were never strong in their faith.
My little friend has been unconscious since Sunday evening - last time we all spoke with her ingame. This is a good thing as there is really not anything but her spirit left as I've been told - I won't draw you the graphic picture - and she was in horrible pain. Last night ingame - one of her closest, who is now a close hearty of mine, was describing things that she was hearing "whispered" in her ear and pictures she was seeing of the girl's pirate in game. None of these were on screen but were real past events that had happened in game with the people that were on the boat with us.
I share these thoughts because this has been such a spiritual feeding for me each time I get on and have discussions with these people - especially my little friend. No one else could explain to her or comfort her or pray with her. (broke my heart) But has been such a rich blessing for me. It is always so wonderful when you can explain things to people, when you can be the one that understands why she is seeing angels so that she can talk about it, and be a comfort as they try to move on.
Just one last special moment. One Sunday evening as she was so tired and in so much pain but refused to "leave" us, I was typing to just her that no one else could read. "Griselda strokes Whoop's head and softly sings" "Griselda holds Whoop in her arms and sings" and than "Griselda sings ♫ Silent Night, Holy Night, all is Calm, all is bright♫. I had wanted to sing something to her, she loves music and had said before that she could hear me softly humming to her on another occasion. As I typed in the song, she replied " Oh keep singing, that is my favorite song". Afterwards talking with her Dr (who also plays in game to be with her :) ) I mentioned to him what I had done and asked if there was anyway to get that music piped in to her so that it would help her. He stopped for a little bit, than came back and said "she did it again". "What?" "She had requested that song for her funeral". I than explained it wasn't Whoop but the Holy Ghost who had told me to sing it to her. :) His "holy spirit" understanding and I have a little more bridges to cross but that's okay, I know he'll come back to talk more. Bless you Whoop - rest in peace baby.
My little friend has been unconscious since Sunday evening - last time we all spoke with her ingame. This is a good thing as there is really not anything but her spirit left as I've been told - I won't draw you the graphic picture - and she was in horrible pain. Last night ingame - one of her closest, who is now a close hearty of mine, was describing things that she was hearing "whispered" in her ear and pictures she was seeing of the girl's pirate in game. None of these were on screen but were real past events that had happened in game with the people that were on the boat with us.
I share these thoughts because this has been such a spiritual feeding for me each time I get on and have discussions with these people - especially my little friend. No one else could explain to her or comfort her or pray with her. (broke my heart) But has been such a rich blessing for me. It is always so wonderful when you can explain things to people, when you can be the one that understands why she is seeing angels so that she can talk about it, and be a comfort as they try to move on.
Just one last special moment. One Sunday evening as she was so tired and in so much pain but refused to "leave" us, I was typing to just her that no one else could read. "Griselda strokes Whoop's head and softly sings" "Griselda holds Whoop in her arms and sings" and than "Griselda sings ♫ Silent Night, Holy Night, all is Calm, all is bright♫. I had wanted to sing something to her, she loves music and had said before that she could hear me softly humming to her on another occasion. As I typed in the song, she replied " Oh keep singing, that is my favorite song". Afterwards talking with her Dr (who also plays in game to be with her :) ) I mentioned to him what I had done and asked if there was anyway to get that music piped in to her so that it would help her. He stopped for a little bit, than came back and said "she did it again". "What?" "She had requested that song for her funeral". I than explained it wasn't Whoop but the Holy Ghost who had told me to sing it to her. :) His "holy spirit" understanding and I have a little more bridges to cross but that's okay, I know he'll come back to talk more. Bless you Whoop - rest in peace baby.
2008/03/06
Depression
So I heard a really good quote the other day, "Depression is Anger immoblizied". And it made me stop to think.... after therapy and medication, I'm still not 100% back to me but I do understand a lot more - atleast I hope. I would say that I agree with this quote about 70% I think depression is 70% anger immobilized, 30% chemically related, and 100% self inflicted.
Through research for my book I have come across many people that believe if you are "depressed" you should just ask for forgiveness of your sins and be healed. Hmm. At first thought with this comment, my girlfriend (also having depression) and I both said - I haven't created any GREAT sin. Now that I am looking closer, and I am not admitting to guilty sin :D; however, I've found that it is all related.
At first you become disgruntled, upset or unhappy about something. You may not even realize that it is bothering you or that you have "anger" with it. (In one class Anger was described as Engery without direction) Many times you feel "depressed" but pull yourself up by the bootstraps (my dad's favorite saying) and get over it. Or so you think. After 11 yrs of battling depression - which I didn't know I was FULL time, this is how I believe it came about.
Childbirth- (chemical/hormone imbalance called baby blues) - not treated
No job/ than finding Job - self esteem issues and money problems (anger issues? yes)
Toddlers/babys/ ill parents - STRESS (hmm have something here)
As the stress builds in your life, your body adapts to help you deal with it - sometimes in the wrong way which leads you to suppress your anger issues, therefore, building bodily stress (unhealthy) and creating more hormonal/chemical imbalance. Sooner or later you can no longer "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" and you need help. It took me 11 yrs to realize that a therapist would not call me "crazy" or put me in the "looney bin" - however, there was a time I really wanted to be! However, they and the medicine work together to help you, help yourself - to find your way back to what you were angry about, repent for being ANGRY (small sin) , hold the Lord's hand and move on. It's amazing how good it feels to hold the Lord's hand or to feel his arms around you in comfort. I'm not 100% but I have started trying to rescue myself to get the other 20% here as soon as possible. :D
Life isn't easy, but it sure helps to go through it with a best friend and a family who loves you.
Through research for my book I have come across many people that believe if you are "depressed" you should just ask for forgiveness of your sins and be healed. Hmm. At first thought with this comment, my girlfriend (also having depression) and I both said - I haven't created any GREAT sin. Now that I am looking closer, and I am not admitting to guilty sin :D; however, I've found that it is all related.
At first you become disgruntled, upset or unhappy about something. You may not even realize that it is bothering you or that you have "anger" with it. (In one class Anger was described as Engery without direction) Many times you feel "depressed" but pull yourself up by the bootstraps (my dad's favorite saying) and get over it. Or so you think. After 11 yrs of battling depression - which I didn't know I was FULL time, this is how I believe it came about.
Childbirth- (chemical/hormone imbalance called baby blues) - not treated
No job/ than finding Job - self esteem issues and money problems (anger issues? yes)
Toddlers/babys/ ill parents - STRESS (hmm have something here)
As the stress builds in your life, your body adapts to help you deal with it - sometimes in the wrong way which leads you to suppress your anger issues, therefore, building bodily stress (unhealthy) and creating more hormonal/chemical imbalance. Sooner or later you can no longer "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" and you need help. It took me 11 yrs to realize that a therapist would not call me "crazy" or put me in the "looney bin" - however, there was a time I really wanted to be! However, they and the medicine work together to help you, help yourself - to find your way back to what you were angry about, repent for being ANGRY (small sin) , hold the Lord's hand and move on. It's amazing how good it feels to hold the Lord's hand or to feel his arms around you in comfort. I'm not 100% but I have started trying to rescue myself to get the other 20% here as soon as possible. :D
Life isn't easy, but it sure helps to go through it with a best friend and a family who loves you.
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