Peace

What I see when I look at this pic but not a word I would have started out using today, should have been as it's the sabbath but contention arouse in the home driving the spirit out. Left me upset, screaming, and in NO mind frame to partake of the sacrament today. Than after receiving an email from my son, my soul was gripped with anguish, self-doubt and blame. I'm sure some of you have felt that; I'm not doing good enough, what if I'm doing things wrong and my kids are scarred for life? It must be a mother's bane- lol.

So, I didn't go to church. I am catching up on hours that I have not completed for work so that I am not being dishonest in that area of my life also. I have Sounds of Sunday on the radio so that I can calm down and try to receive the spirit back in my home, and it's working. =] As my soul sits here trying to be heard and the natural man pushes him down, I can feel the spirit winning and am grateful.

I know that I am loved by my Heavenly Father, he watches over me in every minute detail that I feel so unworthy of all the attention and protection he grants me. I have wonderful friends, neighbors, and family who I am close to and that share their lives with me, all their ups and downs- I don't know what I'd do without you. I live in such a beautiful country with unnamed freedoms and rights that inspired men of God laid the foundation for and that we must remember, cherish, and keep those rights alive and not be divided. And I stand amazed at a Savior who wants to take my pain from me - why do I refuse him? Who died for me that I may live again and share eternity with those whom I love and have loved here on this earth. I have blessings outnumbered amongst are beautiful, healthy, good children trying to learn to do what right and an honorable priesthood holder for a husband who adores me and only wishes to make me happy. I have friends that see the real me, yet don't understand what it is that they see and feel - why am I so afraid to share with them? I know that I want my family and extended family - all 100+ of us and friends to be gathered around me and with me in happiness and joy at the last day. And I'm grateful it's not here yet so that I may get my act together, relocate the path and continue on my way.

Happy Father's Day

We are celebrating Father's Day today since we were on the road yesterday. So here is my tribute to the two wonderful Dad's in my life - my dad and my hubby.

My dad's been gone 10 yrs now- wow, doesn't seem that long I can still remember vividly that Thanksgiving morning when Reba called to tell me. Anyway, I was thinking this morning about good memories I have of him. He was stern and strict but I loved him and knew he loved me. His favorite says? "Terry's Rouse!" (german for get moving) and "Press on" his way of saying he loved you. The two memories I want to share here are my Senior Prom and our trip to California when I was 16. California? yes my hair hates humidity - quiet. We met dad's boss, learned more about him that he'd never told us, visited my mom's place of growing up and it was a good vacation with my Dad, Mom, Reba and me - just us. Senior Prom? Lol notice the black sheep in the red on the front row? I don't think my sisters will ever forgive me for my dad letting me wear that dress AND he was there too! He and my mom took me to my Senior prom, danced the traditional dance with my father - the comment "relax, on your toes and hold on!" I won't forget - he loved to dance and it was so fun to dance with him. He even took mom out on the dance floor in a dark corner and tried to dance the "new stuff" - I didn't find out about that till later. Love you dad - my little family really misses you.

Well, my hubby is a great dad. He helps me so much with the kids that I truely don't know what I'd do if I had to do it alone - I don't ever want to find out either! He gets up in the middle of the night with them, he is more the family doctor (Ha- the kids question when I give them medicne =P), we are partners in discipline so I don't know that our kids could say who is meaner =D. He supports the kids in ALL their endeavors, school plays, sports, fieldtrips, scouts, you name it. We love you Deano - hope you can get some rest and enjoy your day.

Life is so simple... why do we make it hard?

=] I was reflecting on a conversation I had last night and for no reason felt depressed when the conversation was over, so I wanted to understand why. I really hope the friend I was chatting with didn't pick up on it. I realized today that it wasn't the conversation so much as it was the feeling of inadequecy that I had during and after. I was comparing myself, my lifestyle, and my "world" if you will to this friends. It wasn't that mine was coming up lacking but I noticed how totally different they are, and was thinking to myself, "Why would this person pick me, to be friends with?" Yes, I know that could be taken as a self-esteem issue but I really think that many of us have that thought run through our minds time from time. Well, tonight, chatting with another friend, it came to me. I'm not really doubting myself but doubting my friend and that's not fair. I'm doubting that they are smart enough to choose their own friends, to understand their feelings or relate to two souls meeting again after seperation. By judging myself unworthy, I've actually judged them. Than watching Ghost Whisperer tonight they were talking about what I was thinking =] They made the comment "that we never know the affect we have on people- even the simplest things we do, may be a turning point for others". So I leave this thought process with you with my synopsis : "True friendship is taking a complete stranger; with all their differences, accepting them and loving them wholeheartedly anyways." Thanks T.