Time is repeating itself...

Psh and almost to the exact month... how really weird is that? Last year at this time, I was on FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) and dwindling my vac/sick hours to nothing. All while trying to not show the world around me that I was sick and keeping my mask firmly intact. =/ Well, as you've read over the past several months, I can no longer do that as my mask is crumbling and decaying before me.

My body has adjusted itself to my "cocktail" of medications I was taking so once again - "crappy time of year" I am putting my poor family through "heck" while my body adjusts and decides if it will "listen" to the new dosage of medication. Along with this I have an inner ear infection which is making my world spin, stomach quease and HEY, it's 90+ and I'm wearing a hoodie~!!! =D

So just a word of warning my friends... if my posts start sounding strange or bizarre or "dark" ... just remember this post and pass it off for me. =]

Vindication

As Ms. adorable Emma would say, "If your asking me, your asking the wrong person!". I thought that quote quite wonderful Emma, thanks for sharing Isha. The great thing about it, it fits so perfectly with what I am writing about today.

Brandon has labeled he and I, the "dr's" to everyone else and nicely enough - to each other the most. He absolutely hates that I can get him to tell me ANYTHING and he knows that if he refuses I will say fine, that I will get it out of him later - ha, he can't argue. Therefore, he labels us that way because many pirates and online friends ask us for advice or share their lives with us. =] Now you understand my word of the week. Brandon even named his new crew that - Vicarious.

While chatting last night, for an amazing 3 hrs to one individual - regarding treatment of another individual, I found out some very interesting things. First, people judge a lot, which is so unfair. While trying to get you to not, what they assume to be judging another; they in turn are judging - me/you.
Wow, how many times do we do that to other people, seriously? Without thought or even conscious effort; it puts a whole new twist on the commandment to judge not and to repent when you do.
Anyhow, through these 3 hrs, the conversation took a definate turn as she realized that she had misjudged me, that she did not know all the facts of the relationship I held with this person she was defending. She even came to realize that I might know this person better than she. So it was agreed upon that my "non-kid glove" treatment of this individual was in fact to their benefit. I cannot be a different friend than I am; a friend which this person opens up to and communicates with. Those of you who know me well; lol, will admit that if I truely care about you, I don't mince words. Why should I? Yes, I try to do it diplomatically but honestly, I think it's nice to get a wake up call every now and than. Without a wake up call, would you want to change? Let's think about that.

Remember how great it feels to be vindicated? Shouldn't we vindicate others every day by deplinishing the beam in our own eye before we strike at theirs?

What do we miss?

I was chatting with a friend earlier today, and while doing so this thought came to me, "Because we are who we are, what do we miss"? or do we in fact miss anything?

Let me explain.. . ... what brought this about was her telling me of a strange "female cycle" she was having and she was concerned. When I asked, could she be pregnant?, the response I got took me back. I'll paraphrase "Even though the thought of carrying "his" child is amazing...". Hmm, people ask how Dean and I met and I always tell them to ask for his version because his is more romantic =]. As a teenager, I read smut books, watched WAY too many soap opera's and I believe had a very distorted idea of what "love" really was. Thankfully, a caring Heavenly Father took notice of that and sent me a remarkable man that "I LOVE" but not in the giddy - worldly way. That kind of love is too easily destroyed, disregarded, and dismantled. That's not the kind I needed in my life, and gratefully, it is not the type I received.

I am one that TOTALLY has to have a "safety zone" lol. During periods of my life, I'm sure that many that I've encountered would be shocked to hear that. However, it is very, very true. I admit that while being a "recovering perfectionist", part of that perfectionist is not going into something I don't know about or how to do. I once wanted 12 kids - HA! Than I had the lovely experience of going on New Years Eve when I was 12 yrs old to be with my mom, while she was with my sister having a baby. 0.0 I can't even get the eyes I want in here -lol- needless to say, I didn't want ANY kids after that. I already hated doctors so I wanted NOTHING to do with an OB/GYN, having babies - nothing! My comment always used to be... I will need to REALLY love the man that gets me to do these things. =] and I do - 3 kids later.

Long story short,(sorry about that), my point is - being that I am the way I am - being forced, sounds harsh but I will use it anyways, out of my comfort zone and into a new territory - did I miss some wonder moments? Being pregnant and having children is just a natural part of marriage to me - did I miss out on the "wow, I'm carrying this amazing man's child"? I think too often we are caught up in the "why's" and "how's" of life that we don't often stop to realize the "FULL" measure of the miracles that we experience each day. When we are told to stop and smell the roses- do we take 2 seconds to bend down and than think - wahoo I did it? or do we notice how beautifully formed, soft and velvety the rose really is.