Get tired of the Question WHY? me too

Unfortunately, it seems to be ever present when diliberating over a problem and since life is full of problems, the question is always there. My why? Why do we allow other people's freedom of choice hurt us? Yeah, I already know the answer. It isn't our choice, its a consequence of theirs - everything you decide with your free will has a direct impact on someone or something, good or bad. So there is no truth to the statement, "I'm not hurting anyone", you just don't realize it.

The interesting thing about depression/anxiety is that there seems to be a bubble. Try as hard as possible to see outside that bubble and your effect on others, it isn't always possible. They hide it from you, thinking that it is doing you good. They don't want to add to your burden by showing you that they have one. I tried to explain the other day that by sharing their burdens, it makes mine light because I forget about me - which is unfortunately what depression is all about... me me me me me. Ugh, getting pretty sick of myself lately- lol.

I really believe that depression and stress are two different things. Stress adds to my ANXIETY disorder; however, if I don't have stress - I don't know what to do. So I need SOME, just not an overload. Back when my boys were little I went to a female health workshop and took a stress class. My anxiety wasn't NEAR what it is now- I think it compounded it though. We did a test to see how stressed you are and what stress level is unhealthy - can I laughingly tell you that my stress level was over 100 and you shouldn't have been over 70, I think. The teacher just looked at me and asked why I wasn't laying on the floor and how I was functioning. Didn't have an answer than, don't really have an answer now except......... I really love this chorus and I think it fits anyone that can still function through the stress of life. Incredible song... Stand, Rascal Flats......."When push comes to shove, you taste what your made of, you might bend til you break cuz its all you can take, on your knees you look up decide you've had enough, you get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands shake it off, than you STAND.

Amazingly Serene

You find those days, rare they may be, that you actually feel at peace. No, I'm not saying that everything is going right, but there is a peace about you. Being the overthinker, worrier that I am, it unsettles me when these moments come. I always worry that the Lord's preparing me for something - psh, why can't I be like everyone else and actually just enjoy having PEACE in my life? Lol, cuz I'm not made that way I guess. Anyhow, right now is one of those "peace" moments. I've kinda been doing my own this thing morning, taking my time to face the day- my med's seem to be working- so I'm good. It's nice to be able to have reminders of what peace actually feels like, happiness and joy. Don't get me wrong, I have had loads of all in my life; however, at this time, I'm finding my way back to them.

Hard to understand how someone can look to you for guidance when you feel that you are floundering in the water. =] Maybe it's like they say, better at giving advice than taking it- he he.

I was challenged..... here it is......

Twelve Months of the Year

As the Earth revolves from day to day,

The climate changes and the waves sway,

I see God’s beauty all around me

Distinct and precious, as life should be.

In January, the winter snow;

Brings a frozen chill at zero below

In February, still cold it be;

But the frost makes beauty on all you see.

Come March, the season starts to turn,

Bringing sunshine and hope for all to learn.

Lo April, the beauty does abound,

As rebirth is sung from heaven and ground.

Sweet May with its flowers and green everywhere,

The sweet smell of spring still in the air.

For June tender voices now turn loud,

As schools release the masses in crowd.

July, oh so fancy with grand holidays,

Brings sparkle and rememberance of yesterdays.

August too soon, the summer does disappear,

With thoughts of school and fall, lingering near.

September, last chance, for a holiday,

Last chance to rest and sing and play.

October, tis FALL! My favorite of year

Crisp leaves and colors, winter’s soon here.

November, be grateful for all you possess,

The family, the friends, the loving closeness.

December arrives with Christmas in tow,

See the beautiful lights, feel the spirits soft glow.

As the Earth revolves from night to day,

Many wonderous blessings are thrown my way.

As I reach to count them one by one,

I know in my heart, I can never be done.

Kzenger 9/1/08

One of my friends came up with the idea to write a poem about each month of the year, 1 line for each month. Than she found out I write poetry also- always have since I was 12. Must run in the Terry/Roche genes =]. Anyhow, I accepted her challenge and this is my effort. This is one of those 30 min or less poems so I hope it isn't that bad =].