Some Peace finally... and Facebook- lol what the freak

So for months I made you poor people suffer with me - lol I'm sooooooooo sorry. Sometimes I write here and just hope that my mood is right and no one reads this =] but I do know there are a few that check it regularly ♥.

I typed the other day about enlightenment and finding peace after reading my patriarchal blessing. Well, a few other things have occured now that have helped me regain more peace to my poor little shriveling soul - lol. My best friend Steph called (yeah the one that lost her husband a month ago)- which I still feel horrible that SHE called me not vice versa - but we talked for about 20 min and than I called back after her kids were in bed and we talked for 2 1/2 hrs. I still don't forgive myself for missing Wade's funeral or not getting up to just sit and hold her, but as with any true friend - she accepted me and my sympathy now and didn't begrudge my fraility. I've never felt like I've deserved her as a friend - she is so sweet and considerate - love you Stephy. And I now know her schedule so I WILL get up there. Also, what I knew would come- finally did =], Tyler and I have decided that we will start over and be friends again. I still don't know what I did but I know what traps to not fall into this time and will be more cautious with our friendship. Weird, mutual friends were so upset when we stopped talking and it did hurt for about 3 months (we haven't really talked in 6) but than I regained my Hope (my assurance of things that are to be) in our friendship and just waited. Isn't that always the hardest part of anything? Waiting for the Lord's time or waiting for someone's free agency? Lol like Cherisa, sometimes you just want to punch someone or shake them you know?

Also, a funny little thing called facebook has actually started me using it more and more. Yeah that sentence made no sense. 0.o I started using Facebook - same reason I started playing YPP - Anthony wanted to. So, I got on as the "overprotective mom" so that I could see what he was doing, who chatting too, what info giving, etc. Well once on there - found like 30+ FAMILY members - nieces and nephews I never get to talk to - sister in laws that live states away! How cool is that?! Than, Anthony comes home from YM stating the Bishop is on facebook 0.0 - so now I have a whole new section of friends from my ward- WOW people MY age - LOL. I've also got some of my YPP friends on there, how fun to SEE someone that you play online with =D, and to top it off, I started finding people from High School and they started finding me. How fun to see people's families and what's going on that you haven't seen in 20+ yrs or that you only see on sunday in a formal setting. I think I'm starting to like facebook a little more =] I have like 73 friends now - AMAZING! ROFL

Reclaiming me.... 20+yrs later

Okay so today has been an astonishingly good day - not because of anything I've done - pfft I sooo need to start refocusing >.< , rather a good day for peace. This 17 yr old girl on the right, as many mom's think - has been lost. Or so I was letting myself believe. I now really don't believe that I was ever lost - though some days my brain feels gone 0.o-but that I was tucked away and saved. =] All mom's go through a period of what happened to me? Do I even remember that I have hobbies? Free time? HA HA HA your joking right? A moment of peace? Not even in the bathroom >.<. [This is gonna sound a little sparodic so bear with, it will make sense in the end.]

I've mentioned before that I'd lost contact with a precious friend of mine, that - I've never met. Things happen in lives, the world moves on and we just have to have HOPE and FAITH and continue to pray for those we hold close and those we've lost. A day or night hasn't gone by that I don't pray for Ty - that he'll be happy and successful on the road he's chosen. I can't explain - I'm sure you've all had those times, where you just KNOW that everything will be alright - yes, I can hear Dean, that's the spirit. =] (I'm tired =P) Today crumbles started to show up in the wall built between us, some small but others - really milestones. Faith and prayers are starting to show on my side as my hope in his free will continues. What does this have to do with finding me? HA ha- it does make sense I promise.
I was looking through my dad's book he gave each of us children, that has a section of his favorite poems, the ones we heard every monday night. I found some great ones and forwarded them on appropriately and than I found my patriarchal blessing. I honestly have not read that in perhaps years. As I read it tonight - certain points still apply to my life today - as they did 20+ yrs ago when I received it. Certain people now stand out to me in certain parts but I realize, the part of me that's lost or buried? It's my spirit - what makes me ... me. The girl above, the one Dean married had a strong testimony of the gospel and shared it often, was strong in the church and unyeilding.... I have let time, energy, and the world close in and bury... ME. But not forever, just until attention could refocus to where I needed to be.

My children are the greatest work I will ever do and my greatest responsibility. I need to refocus more on what they are learning from ME than what others are teaching them. They need to hear my testimony, they know my firm stance but some things I've let slide. I didn't lose ME while raising my kids, I got too busy with the daily things that I simply pushed myself aside. Now that my kids are older and don't require the great length of attention younger ones do - I now need to refocus and teach my teenagers how to stand tall, how to be proud but not pretencious, and how to be a witness for Christ. All the things I knew and showered forth 20 yrs ago before my attention was drawn away. Ladies and husbands.... for every time there is a season and a reason under heaven. It's true.

It's Monday.... Drag myself to work.....=]

It's Monday, it's 9:19 am and I've been up - let's just say forever =]. Finally just got up, decided it wasn't happenin. That's okay I have work to still catch up on and phone calls to make all day - ohh Yippee! I think I've confused poochie though, lol for months I've been still asleep at this time and today, up and dressed he thinks we're heading somewhere - poor poochie.

So I really hate it when you have an embedded youtube video and suddenly that link isn't found anymore >.<, what a pain. So sorry, my really cool Linkin Park song is gone. If you aren't fond of rock and roll, don't even attempt the Nightwish video. =D I think that's one of the things that link me and Dean together so well, ha ha we're both rockers. If you don't know us very well, you'd prolly think goody goodies or something like that. We do what we were taught, go above what's required and than when we get home or in the car - WE JAM! LOL, we've laughed so many times and said "What would so and so think if they saw us now?" I'm not talking any soft rock sissy stuff - nope this Nightwish is right up my alley, along with Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Lita Ford, need I go on? Dean goes a little farther than I do - I won't mention his, lol he's prolly already thinking - why did you have to mention that? he he sorry honey.

It was great seeing who I was able to at Sarah's shower! Sorry we had to leave before presents were totally opened =[ but I had appts at home. We missed all of you that were unable to come and tell miss Sarah and mr John - CONGRATS and GOOD LUCK! She is due Feb 2nd. Okay, I've put off work long enough - XD.