Have you ever?

Ok, I know it sounds weird but bear with me. It interesting to explain but I don't think I'm the only one that experiences it - its not a unique just me thing =P. The picture above is as close to what I am thinking as I could get...maybe - maybe not, you can decide if you keep reading.

So there are certain people I have connections with. Do you not have someone in your life that you sometimes just know that something is wrong or that your feeling that they are coming and than they arrive? Yes, my LDS family and friends are saying - its the spirit - your intune. Well, what about those that don't have the Holy Ghost as a constant companion but still have those feelings - and no I don't necessarily believe in psychics...this isn't foretelling the future.

How to explain..hmm...k I will try it this way. ... I am dreaming - typical dream, friends are in it, family in it, doing ordinary boring stuff, blah blah - get the picture? Good. But...as dreams go there are those dreams that seem SO REAL that you are still flustered why you wake up. I'm not talking that - I'm talking a connection with a single person or persons. So back to the dream...everyone doing own things - tickling, hugging, touching, laughing - normal stuff and its a dream. Than at the end, for some reason, it becomes real. Like saying goodbye to everyone, than suddenly just one person you "feel" the hug to your body, the feel of the kiss goodbye on your lips or the touch of the hand as it shakes yours. WEIRD I KNOW! But this happens to me occasionally - not often and not with any reason. However, interstingly enough the people that I feel in my dreams I either talk to right away, I see, or find out news about. EVEN WEIRDER. But you know..in a way - comforting.

How often in life do we really reach out and touch people? Ok I do- I'm a touchy feely person - big on hugs and kisses on cheeks, big on touching for no reason other than to let the other person know I am there or thinking about them. HA HA - big on hitting, pinching, pulling or tugging on my oldest cuz he's to the age where "that's embarrassing mom" so I still in my way have to show I love him, I'm proud of him, and I care. LOL - yes by beating him up ;].

Back to the subject - for those that don't or aren't in the cycle of touching anyone regularly or certain someone's regularly - I think this would be wonderful. I believe that when we are asleep, there are times that our subconscience can be "in tune" with the world around us, the people past and present that have lived here. It just came to me that its like my brother John's book - Through the Eyes of a Traveler. Think about it...if we are like the universe and everything in it - made up of atoms and molecules - than it makes sense that we are all connected somehow and that at certain times those connections link together - and we feel.

The only problem with mine? and I guess it isn't a problem, maybe a blessing in disguise - but the people that I feel? Either aren't here anymore or live far away. I will either never touch them again or I have never touched them at all. So to be able to "feel" them at times with me...yeah I think its a good thing, something I wish happened more often.

It makes sense...that's amazing

I don't know if I can get everything that's jumbled up in my head out and making sense in this but I am going to try; for I feel the need to communicate my findings - if for no other reason than to see them written down and clarified.

Being LDS I have always believed that you are a spirit housed in a body of flesh and blood. Through the years I've had scientific friends tell me that everything is made up of atoms and molecules. I believe in ghosts and have heard them; I have friends that have seen them - no not an orb. Putting this together it fits together, it makes sense. We know that our bodies were created and formed from the earth - scientific, we've watched babies from the womb. So lets think about this, if our bodies are made up of cells and molecules and atoms - what do those create? Energy. So is it that far fetched to think that surrounding us every day is energy? Negative or Positive - some people call it moods but when your in a "mood" your energy reflects it and it goes out to others around you. Thus the saying, "if mom's unhappy, nobody's happy". Us - who we are - our spirit also contains this energy. Our bodies are merely housing for those spirits so that we might touch, see, smell, hear, and learn - gain knowledge that is instrumental for all living things. But we are who we are - dead or alive - just because the physical body dies doesn't mean that we stop being. I feel that we don't stop caring, worrying, wanting that cigerette or that drink. Our physical bodies have imprinted onto our spirit all the things it learns and it remembers. Just as I've learned the last couple of weeks that our spirits in return leave imprints on our bodies - making us unwell, not feeling whole - trying to tell us that the balance is gone, there is disharmony of some kind.

This is my second week at Life Changing Services with Sarah. I've known since my mom died that it was affecting me in ways that weren't good. I had lost my faith and trust in the Lord and have been drawing away from what I know is true. Not because I don't believe it, but because I'm questioning me...no faith in myself to be able to discern correct principles leaves no room for faith in anything else - one cannot believe in if one does not have a belief.

I always felt like I never grieved for my mom - that I turned it over to the Lord, felt better and tried to move on. After I had a miscarriage 2 yrs ago I crumbled. I hadn't completely turned it over to the Lord, my mind wanted me to think that - but my heart did not trust. I need to say this...I am having trust issues with the Lord - that he really will take it away and make it better and help me to feel whole again. He blesses me everyday and I acknowledge to him and to those around me- I see that; but I am not one of complete faith.

I found out today that no only was my mother's death traumatic for me, but also for my mother- which I knew. However, I wasn't comprehending that it was still traumatic for her, even though I KNOW things are the same here as they are there - I was letting myself believe that she was fine and happy and things were great. That's what we all want to believe right? That's how we placate ourselves? Sometimes it isn't true - and I think its okay to admit that. To acknowledge that not everyone is happy when they die - for whatever reason. It doesn't discount our faith, it just makes sense.

My train of thought is gone so I will leave it here and come back to it another time.

=]

Yeah Yeah ...don't faint =P

I'm to get back to a type of semblance of normality...so that might include writing here more often. I need to get used to typing since I've signed up with Jojo to do the Nanowriting in November. I think I have an idea what my book is about but ... I'm still a little undecided, hmm.

So what's going on? My massage therapist recommended her foot zoning lady to see if she could help me with sleeping and getting off my depresion/anxiety meds. My first session with her was amazing and I have high hopes that she will definately be able to help me. A friend said to me that he didn't believe in the "energy, aura type stuff" that it was just people getting paid to tell you what you already know. He's a smart kid. However, I do believe that there are times in our lives that we can't do it alone, for whatever reason. I have always been able to do it myself -until 2 yrs ago - than suddenly I had nothing left to help myself with. The "cocktail"of medications they have me on have still not completely helped - which makes sense to me since I never felt that those were really my problem. "Sarah" from "Life Changing Services" is who I am starting to see - at $50 an hour - the only draw back is that my therapist was paid for by the University - but it didn't help fully; there was an amazing difference after just a half an hour last week. I have an appt this week for another sacrial cranium and foot zoning - and to pick up an all natural balancer that will hopefully get me off my meds =].

More later....

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