Interesting Week....I'm getting too old =P

No, by that comment I don't mean that I'm mentally or spiritually too old but that my stupid BODY is. Here is the stupid thing....my body is the way my body is due to no one's neglect but my own. I started having kids at the age of 24 was done at the age of 30. Arthritis kicked in at 23. I always knew I'd get arthritis, my mother and maternal grandmother had arthritis and no matter what anyone in my family previously had or has, since I am the last, I received all the leftover cells with all the hereditary "junk". Lol, it's a running joke in my family. I am 19 yrs younger than my oldest sibling.... do the math... James was 59 last month and I turned 40 in May. I could rattle off all the hereditary "junk" that I've accumulated (wrong word...maybe noticed?) in my past 40 yrs, but all I can see it doing is making you feel great that you don't =P, so I'll just say it all started when I was but 2 wks old with very low white blood count.

I thought I did really well when I got pregnant, let me rephrase that; being pregnant makes me sicker than a dog dying to where I'm almost hospitalized but in turn I hardly gain anything! I hear about these women that gain 50 to 60 pds when pregnant 0_0 really? why? I gained 23 pds with Anthony, 21 lbs with Ben, and 16 lbs with Olivia. Yep, I see where your headed and I concur...if I didn't gain it during pregnancy where did it all come from? I agree, I do not have that excuse. I gained 10 pds that would not budge while nursing and than just being a working mom - with every kid. So that explains 30 lbs, where did the other 40 come from? Stress, laziness, depression, need I go on? When we moved into our little house 12 yrs ago, I went from having a mirror in the bathroom where I could SEE down to my knee's, to a mirrored medicne cabinet that all I had to see was down just below my breasts. NICE!.....BAD!! Yes, I noticed my pants got tighter, I noticed I was starting to get a double chin and I tried my hardest - still do- to try to get rid of that double chin. It will take me a long while to rid myself of what's below my breast line but I hate the double chin. If someone takes a pic of me I delete it. In a picture I cannot not see my double chin - in the mirror, I can stand a certain way, etc. The person I see on film, that the rest of the world looks at? Is someone I don't recognize and someone I don't want to recognize.

My children are sweet and tell me I look fine, on some days I look great and it's taken me a long time to realize that I look great for the me NOW, not the me I still am inside, the me I expect to see when I look in the mirror or at a picture. My struggle these days isn't learning to love the person I've become but making the outside match my insides.

My control freak came out this week and is getting really, REALLY tired of the clutter around my house. Clutter do to unfinished projects that I no longer have the stamina or strength to complete by myself and my teenager has yet to get to. So, this past week I pushed myself. Ok, for most of you, pushing yourself means ran 5 miles, walked 3 miles, cleaned the whole house....I wish. My body has very firmly over the past 2 yrs informed me that I no longer contain the energy to do even small smidgens of those things and if I try, I will than not have enough energy to sleep. *rolls eyes...ugh. For me, pushing myself meant, I walked on the treadmill 30 min, danced 10 min (I miss dancing SO MUCH!), cleaned my kitchen, did 1 load of laundry, fixed dinner and painted maybe 3 ft of bathroom. My bathroom is still not finished but it should be by end of week =] and I have spent the weekend in pain. My body decided that since I was not listening to it, it would make sure I heard it. Friday I started feeling twinges in my back - psh that's normal so what? By Saturday evening - still pushing myself stuff has to get done body don't you understand that?!?!- my back was starting to seize. Yay me!! >/ grrr. So, to anyone who has read my status's on fb lately...I cannot take the time to listen to my body. I have children who need to be places, a household to run, a job that requires 6 hrs a day and than a family to try to be with somewhere in there. Therefore, off I am to take a really, really careful shower, dope myself up with pain med's again, apply an icy/hot patch, and hope that between all that and my wand I'm still moving when Dean gets home tonight....it's PUMPKIN CARVING night! (I already can't scoop a full pumpkin out, I'll be DANGED if I can't carve one now too!)

Happy Halloween Everybody- be safe!

The House that built Me....

My blog is being weird, I hope I have it straightened out now. I went looking for one picture and of course, found many others that I wanted to scan into the computer as well. =] Oh well. The photo didn't have the line down the center, my scanner must not like polariods. (funny enough, neither does my blog dictionary - ha)

I've the video and heard the song a few times: Miranda Lambert, The House that Built Me. My family being a military family I believe that I might be the only one out of eight that can make that claim on any of the homes we ever lived in. We moved to Nephi when I had just turned 8; that means that Denise was 13, Reba 15, and Mimi 16 (not quite 17). The only other one who lived in this house for awhile would be Reba. I moved out when I was 18, a month later my parents bought me a car - in my name =P (yep handed me the paymnt book and everything) and said USE IT. So I lived away from home but went home every Friday night and back to SL Sat nights - until I got married almost 3 yrs later.

There are certain things in your life that you just assume will always be a constant....your parents, their home, your spouse, and your family. Three weeks ago I found out from my brother that they were losing the house. When my dad retired due to cancer, my parents remained in Nephi for another three to five years and did volunteer work at the Manti Temple. My dad, without realizing it, asked my mom where she would finally like to live...she picked Davis County where 4 of her 8 children lived. (actually 6 of us live here now) They started building without having sold the home in Nephi. Upon my dad's death they had still not been able to sell the home in Nephi, my brother with the largest family, purchased the home from my mother. Now, after my mom has been gone for 4 yrs, the house is leaving the family also. Yes, I realize it is just a house, a tangible item that wears away with time, while my memories last forever.

I suppose, this is written in the context of the song mentioned above. Age 8 to 18 - that's the major part of being built as a person, there are many, many memories tied to that old home. Some good, some bad, some funny, and some that made me swear I would NEVER live in another small town. (and I don't.) When we first moved to Nephi, I remember seeing RED everywhere - that was the color of the carpet and parts of the wallpaper that adorned the house. Cherished memories that can be triggered or easily brought to the surface; power outages for 3 days, the natural gas truck the pulled up to the basement window, the old basement that we SWORE someone was buried behind a wall, the bats in the attic and porch top, the wonderful front porch, the REAL, sweet, cool grass during summer, the majestic tree's that surrounded and dwarfed the house, the HUGE piles of autumn leaves, the roses that lined the long driveway, the irises that lined the front fence, the painful cactus garden >.<, every Memorial Day and Labor Day as work in the yard days, family parties, frisbee's landing on the roof, the good friends, wonderful neighbors, pets, and hauntings. As with any other person, I am made up from all this and more. As the house reverts back to being empty, as it was when we moved in, I hope that someone else who has a love of all things old, will come to cherish it and build more memories for a family. ♥

The Winds of Change

Everything changes. Minute by minute, hour by hour, subtle or great, everything changes. How we adapt to that change determines our happiness.

When great changes occur we acknowledge them and find our own way to adapt...for some it may be minutes, for others years, some may never accept the change. It is the subtle changes that undermine our happiness. Tiny little things that change anything or everything in our lives. Little by little when thrown together enmass at times can create larger changes than we for saw.

Are we the type that will embrace the change and let it continue on its path? Or are we those that will acknowledge, than defy, and eventually win back what we feel we lost? There is no right or wrong answer.....no right or wrong person or feeling as each must choose for themselves what is right in their world. When all does not seem right, maybe it is time to analyse and take a closer look at ourselves.