Preparing for being busy busy

I find myself trying to do a little Christmas craft therapy, along with my usual Christmas baking therapy that my holiday is incomplete without. Problem? Well, my kids want to join me - that is NOT a problem =] but they don't want to do the crafts I do so my pocketbook thinks this is a problem...*sigh. Why do all the good things have to have that tweak of regret when they really shouldn't? Seriously, I've been waiting for my kids to be old enough to do the crafts on their own and enjoy them as much as I do for like ....forever! I know, I need to not look at it that way (I just feel bad at the balance in the checkbook) - thankfully whilst in the midst of crafting, I simply enjoy myself and the time with my kids who are discovering the world of creativity. =]

As I have previously mentioned, this is my favorite season of the year. Christmas music - depending on the group and singer I'll grant you - brings peace, wonderful memories, and joy to my crazed life. Add this to the beautiful decorations, the feeling of giving and seeing someone truely enjoy it, the spirit of love that seems to permiate a tinge bit more in my home, and the christmas lights on the homes that turn a dreary, early winters night into bright beautiful color. There are times I admit, it is alot easier to see the beauty around you when it is so prevelant. On an anal note, if it has just snowed and the world is blanketed in beautiful, non-yellow, non-black snow - DO NOT step ON MY SNOW! Yes, lol, I admit, this is one of the weird things we all have and most don't know about. Used to make me so grumpy when the kids up the street would come to play and cut right through the yard >.<. Yes, my sidewalks are shoveled - there are those times you picture in your mind of the perfect setting or evening? One of mine has always been: either raining or gentle snow covering the ground, a fireplace, a comfy couch, afghan, and a good book or music playing while watching the weather. Yes, I am a romantic; however, it's a memory for me of peace and oneness with the world around you....doesn't everyone wish for that sometime?

I often feel that I offend people by how much I love Christmas or the Lord. However, one past friend said to me....It's just who you are and I love you so I deal with it. For those that do so...thank you. Past and present, here and there I forget but than am reeled back with the knowledge that it is part of what has shaped who I am and is an integral part of me. Therefore, my info on facebook...."I am me....love me or leave me". I am a firm believer that if you love a person, you love ALL of them- faults, differences and all.

For all my love of all things "holiday" lol, I hate when I am so rushed that I can't enjoy it and fully feel the holiday. Some may argue with me, welcome to growing up - things go faster, life gets fuller and harder. You know what, I say Nay. Granted there are times in life when you have no control over how busy you are and I can never seem to get EVERYTHING that I want to get done accomplished...BUT...I have also noticed that we always make time for what we WANT. Are we wanting to sit on the couch? spend time with our kids? spend time with friends? play are video games? Yes, I also know all too well that we all need something that helps us have a bit of "coming down" time and I'm not saying that any of things are bad...maybe just reminding myself that down time in excess never becomes anything more than that and the time keeps ticking off whether I wish it would stop or not.

I believe, I believe, it's silly but I believe...

There's nothing like a good show that reminds you of things that this crazy, past paced world makes us forget. I think I need to post the saying above a door frame or every door frame of my house. However, for me it should read: "I believe, I believe, I'm just being silly, so I believe". Believe in myself that is. It's been an interesting week and it's only 1pm on Tuesday! Kinda hate weeks like this...lol. Anyhow, my week started on Sunday, like everyone's does =P: however, it was snowing and the there was ice under the snow on the roads. I have lived in Utah all my life, I freaking know how to get around in the snow! Unless of course I'm driving a Tahoe that doesn't have a working 4 wheel drive. >.> No, no accidents - I do still know how to drive, dumb rear-wheel drive or not. We fishtailed out onto the main road - I laughed, Olivia was like 0_0 - psh. Dropped Anthony off, Ben was already there and I was running a bit late and Anthony had to be seated at the Sacrament table before the meeting started. Thank you, thank you, I did a PERFECT parellel park in front of the building, ice or no - straight in, no adjustments needed. First time in the Tahoe too, but I've also been driving a mid-size or mini-van for the past 16 yrs so size was not a problem - I have to admit though, my mirrors that rotate when I back up are GREAT! he he. I was close enough Olivia could step right out onto the sidewalk, so I waited til she was out and as I got out, looking back to ask if she was alright - WHAM! Foot right out from under me and my butt and arm met the ice. She heard my little squeal and I laughed saying "good, cuz I'm not!". Thankfully only one vehicle was heading towards us and not the normal barrage that is normally on the road with a Catholic church across the street. My pride was slightly damaged (gotta love pride right?), my arm scraped up, and my beautiful new velvet black jacket with now obvious white scrapes up the sleeve....I think I'm more ticked about that than anything - the arm is simply an annoyance at this point considering the bruise from elbow to wrist and the itchy healing scrapes. =P ...Even though this was eventful, it was not what I meant by what a great week! lol.

I actually stayed for all 3 hrs of church, even with a screaming arm. I tried to help with a screaming 10 mo old during Sunday School - she wanted Dean but than really wanted Dad not us.....than sat next to one of my friends during Relief Society to help her with her 10 mo old. The lesson was one of the General Conference talks by President Uchtdorf. It was a lesson I needed to hear...sigh. I knew I needed to hear it so I resisted my impulse to get up and leave towards the end of the lesson when nature called. (I knew I would not return) Tell me this doesn't sound like me "If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most". *sigh.. I read the quote: "When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up the same frantic pace, or even accelerate, thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be". Yeah, let's sum up the past 4 yrs of my life in one quote - thanks Sister Blount for handing me that particular one. Only problem is, as explained in the lesson and known as fact to me, the more frantic and the longer your frantic, the harder you fall and the worse things fall apart - which they will, for that pace cannot be maintained. Mine is the metabolism I guess that I store things up. I want to share but find it difficult; therefore, I push it down and build a wall around it. Than the foundation of the wall begins to crumble out from underneath me and I am left pounding my fists against hardened stone while having barefeet being pierced by broken pieces that have begun to fall. Thought - I just read a book that mention old time Labryinth's - I think I shall do a little research to make a full picture of this. It mentioned that the Labryinths were used in England by the church's ....if you did not focus on where you were going and doing - you would end up lost and alone (sounds familiar) but if you focused you would end up at the center..you would be at peace, having centered your thoughts and reflecting - you would also be able to than turn around and find your way out- so in a sense, re-enter the world. Everything I have pushed down and built walls around have created my own Labryinth if you will. The goal of my life right now must be not to tear the walls down, but find the opening between them - allowing myself to travel forward and not forever spin in circles.

Thanksgiving Weekend

It is the end of the long weekend. I feel I accomplished quite a bit this week: took full day training and passed, double carpool shift plus work, move niece in and fit her stuff into one location that we won't trip over (that in itself is HUGE for my house), cook Thanksgiving dinner, clean out about 1/3 of my clothes closet (DI piles already in vehicle), cook and enjoy UofU vs BYU game, and now it's almost 11pm and Sunday brings its own mix of things to accomplish. My body decided I wasn't nice and crashed early both Thursday and Friday nights....still not sure it thinks its over but oh well.

Johnny, Sarah, and Tristan joined us for Thanksgiving dinner, the watching of Ice Age 3, and a riotous game of Scattergories. Since Cherisa moved in the day before, we joyfully had her with us also. I had most of the dinner done, since my stuffing comes out of a box I always leave it for last, well this year it was forgotten - interestingly enough, not really missed.

I'm trying to stay on the positive side of things, I know I should be typing all about everything that I am thankful for this weekend. Unfortunately right at this moment I am not feeling very grateful, I'm actually feeling very peturbed and grumpy. I hate that. I know that I am blessed in so many ways, ways that most people don't notice and I'm sure in ways that I overlook also. I am very thankful for all my many blessings worldly as well as not.

Tomorrow it will have been 12 yrs since my father died....wow. I miss him. I had mentioned once going to the graveyard this weekend but alas, it was not remembered so I didn't repeat it.