Well I made a comment on facebook but I decided I needed to vent to that it was "OUT" of my system. I guess there are times in your life that you know something may not be the best for you but it's something you want and/or it makes you happier for a short time. In ways, it's good...you get to feel the joy so that you know there is a counter to the pain, you learn that everyone has their own problems that can't be solved or shared no matter how much you may want to help. I've mentioned before that I make online friends because I have a problem making real life ones . I am a very social person, I thrive on being around people and hate being alone....therefore, having anxiety while being around people has been very difficult for me over the past 5 yrs. I have reached out than to people online, so that I am surrounded (in a sense) yet alone. Most of these people are willing to share a bit of their lives with you, its nice to know that someone cares about your problems somewhere.
So here is the stupidity lately. When I went back to my game 5 months ago I found some adults that played, that played like my old friends and was excited. We became a nice little group and it was fun! Well a couple of us got close but I guess too close because even though I was on facebook, msn, and on game I was not allowed to be interested in their real life. Heaven forbid I should be worried about someone's brother who is late getting home or whether or not their job interview went well. Okay, I guess my idea of a friend is WAY wrong....pfft. Anyway, when I heard that, I deleted them. I'm me, I cannot stop caring just because you don't want to share with me, I cannot just "play" with you once I've gotten to know you and not be curious when you are having a bad day or want to cheer you up. This person was offended I guess that I deleted them on game because they said we could only exsist "in game". Well - they obviously don't know me very well. About 3 weeks later, after they "cooled off" we agreed to try to be friends again. Back on facebook, msn, and acknowledging again on game. Chatting on msn was fun, there is a new girlfriend, new job prospect, things were doing good for them. Than I sent a message on facebook about a request from the Queen of the flag on game and made the mistake of saying "if you are otherwise occupied, when you are done she would like you to get online". This offended the new girlfriend who saw the text message. I was than told "you are SO annoying, I told you we can only be friends on game, stop the fb, stop the msn". 0.0 wow...really? He set up MSN to talk to me, so don't log on than? And it's my fault that your fb msgs go to your cell phone and that you allowed your girlfriend to read it and she has no sense of humor? Get real! Once again, I have deleted them. Blocked on facebook, deleted on msn, muted on game and dismissed from any working crews. Within 2 days he acknowledged what I had done in game and started his in game campaign against me. I am now "immature", I cannot seperate real life from game life and I am hurting the flag because I withdrew my alts from his labor stall and my crew should be dismissed from the flag. 0.o I know I'm a little prejudice but honestly? Who is acting more immature here? I figure, he can't handle being my friend off game, he can't handle me on game since I am the same person in both places. I believe it is MY decision who my friends are in either place, where my pirate alts work and don't work since I pay for their badges and the Queen could not dispute that since I joined the flag, NO ONE who is not royalty has done MORE for the flag than me and now my crew. I'm sorry but I'm confused. When he didn't want me around, why is he throwing a fit that I'm not?!?! I am not a big believer in having your cake and eat it too - been stuck in that situation most of my life...I'm the too (the excuse) never the cake.
On another note, I broke up a fight between my nephews sitting in my driveway. The one nephew has pretty much left the church even though he will tell you he hasn't. He doesn't believe in the prophet, President Monson, he believes that weed is listed in the D&C as an approved herb from the Lord, he believes that his parents have sheltered him his whole life and therefore ruined it for him. He therefore wants his little brothers to know the "real world" and to bring it into my sisters home. He wants them to hear him use every cuss word known to man, he wants them to know the smell of weed and its benefits and I could go on and on. I will just say that he is to the state of mind that no matter what you say to him, it will be bent to his will, his interpretation and his benefit. Dean and I have discussed the fact that I am not always at church. I am home more than I am at church. I know this disgusts some of my family. Dean and I have talked, I have a current recommend, my Bishop and I have talked. There are things that I can't handle emotionally, I try and when I force myself I end up crashing physically - it takes everything out of me. I still hold my calling, I still teach my lessons, listen to conference, etc etc. At this time in my life, just because you don't see me at church doesn't mean I still don't have a testimony, doesn't mean I have left the church don't have my values anymore. Unfortunately, I tried to simmer down a comment about the difference between being "spiritual" and being "religious". I was commenting on how difficult it is to remain religious while not going to church as it is something I myself was struggling with - that you can be spiritual but it is different. ERG...I was than the "excuse" for his behavior in a discussion with his mother later that week, "well Kathee said she is having my problems also". I don't believe I said that, man I really hate how people twist words to suit themselves and their situations.
