Having a Missionary in the field....

Those that know me, being relatives or online acquaintances, know that my son left in January to enter the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT and than flew into New York Utica, on Feb 12th.  He is currently serving in Syracuse South, New York. 

Blessings are interesting things.  They aren't always what you would recognize as a blessing.  I'm still trying to figure out a couple of them and how they could be.  I know it just a "mormon" thing to think that when you are in the service of the Lord Jesus Christ that you are blessed.  Scripture is full of examples and I think people like to focus on only the good that they read and don't notice the other parts about how you will be tried MORE for following and doing what you should.  I would gladly settle for a happy medium in this instance. 

I'm not a sugar coater, if you are reading my blog for the first time you find that I am very direct about what goes on.  Life is not sugar coated for the majority of us; for those that it is - hmm, can I have some of what you're on?!? 'Cuz they really haven't found the pill to give me that makes it a "happy pill".  I don't think they ever really can; I believe that recovery and happiness relies on medication, action, and therapy.   They are in process of re-adjusting my NEW medication and I haven't been able to afford my reflexology therapy in months.  Anyway, I digress and am swerving off subject.

I've noticed that blessings from service are sort of like backwards compliments.  You're still allowed to be tried; however, something happens in the middle that makes it less of a trial and therefore it has become a blessing.  For example:  did taxes in the middle of last month.  Our income ran short last year and we did not make our typical 10% donations as we would.  That amount has saved us every year when it came to taxes and increased our amount that we received back - State and Federal.  Unfortunately, because we did not have the money to make our charitable donations, we did not get any money back or nowhere near the money back that we normally would from taxes - like less than 1/4 compared to usual.  For the last 2 yrs now we have owed the State money - this year at the beginning we thought we would owe 4x the amount that we were getting back from Federal.  Yep, I lost it - how do you find a blessing in that?!?!  Well, I found a mistake, fixed it, had my CPA girlfriend come and check it and she found another one.  We ended up getting 2/3 more back in Federal than we owed to the State - now THERE is the blessing.  I would rather my blessing be something like,  I'm getting fabulous returns from both State and Federal and I could pay off a bill with it or at least go somewhere for my anniversary - yeah this blessing we haven't seen in about 3 yrs. hence, I will take getting back more in Federal and being able to PAY the State with it.

I also heard - where are those buzzing little bee's with all this information, so I can SQUISH them!- that when your child leaves on a mission for the church, that they than start to appreciate you.  Hmm, yep, still waiting for that to show itself.  He seemed to appreciate me more while he was home - before he left.  Now all I get are letters discussing how much he misses his girlfriend, how he can't think about the things I've done or mentioned in my letters because that is not where his focus needs to be and he doesn't want the spirit to leave.  Seriously?!?!  *head bang*  I'm trying to do what the Bishop told me and support my son, support him as only his mother can - yeah well, doesn't seem like he wants it.  Honestly, this part is worse to me than having trials where blessings are supposed to be. =[  ... It's about rating up there for when he was 10 yrs old and used to tell me on Mother's Day that he was someone else's child. *face palm*

Pretty much, my blogged is aptly named, my world isn't perfect but it's blessed.  We still have a roof over our heads, food on the table to eat, jobs, and loving people to help pay the support for my son's mission each month.  Paix

BOOK GIVEAWAY - WAHOO!!!!!!

Indies Giveaway

Well, to kick off the Indie-Licious Awesomeness, we've put together a giveaway that will make three lucky people very happy!

We have a gallery of signed paperbacks, ebooks, and swag arranged, and there will be one winner for each category. Check out the prizes, and make sure to check out the authors who were kind enough to donate them!

Prize Package 1 - PAPERBACK LOVE:

Natural Selection (YA Urban Fantasy) – Elizabeth Sharp
Becoming (YA Fantasy) – Raine Thomas
Enlightened - Devyn Dawson
Alaina Downs (NA) – Rebecca Rynecki
Don't Fear the Reaper – Michelle Muto
Beyond the Western Sun & Walk the Red Road (YA Fantasy) - Kristina Circelli
Twisted (YA Romance) – Amity Hope
Wilde's Fire (YA Fantasy) – Krystal Wade
Slow Dance in Purgatory - Amy Sutorius Harmon
The Gathering Darkness (YA Paranormal) - Lisa Collicutt
Sweet Oblivion (YA Fantasy/Romance) - Bailey Ardisone
The Keeper (YA PNR) - Natalie Star-Kroll
Wolf Spell – MR POLISH
Troll Or Derby – Red Tash
Rematch (YA fantasy/romance) - Janine M. Caldwell
Flight - Alyssa Rose
Here – Ella James

Prize Package 2 - EBOOK LOVE:

Twisted (YA Romance) – Amity Hope
Mother-Earth Series & Knot in Time (YA Adventure Fantasy & SciFi) – Alan Tucker
Devour (YA/NA Paranormal Romance) – Andrea Heltsley
Trust in Me (NA) – Bethany Lopez
Travelers Series (YA Sci-Fi) – Claudia Lefeve
Awaken, Avenge, & Atone – Sarah Ross
Doc, Vampire-Hunting Dog Novella (YA) – Julie Campbell
Barely Alive series (Upper YA Zombie Romance) – Bonnie Paulson
Sweet Oblivion (YA Fantasy/Romance) - Bailey Ardisone
Into the Spiral (YA SciFi/Romance) – Erin Danzer
EVER (YA Paranormal/Romance) – Jessa Russo
Quest & Wildflower (YA Fantasy & YA Historical Romance) – Amy Jones
The Only Exception (NA – eARC!) – Magan Vernon
Morgan Wylie's Debut (YA urban fantasy) – Morgan Wylie
Light of the Moon (YA PNR) - David James Knapp
Dark Seeker and Dark Return (Books 1 & 2 in the Seeker series YA UF) – Taryn Browning
Marked & Changed (YA PNR) - Jennifer Snyder
Zellie Wells Trilogy & Day of Sacrifice (YA PNR & NA UF) - Stacey Wallace Benefiel
Cloud Prophet Trilogy & The Swarm Trilogy (YA High Fantasy) - Megg Jensen
Elemental Emnity II, III, & IV - Christie Rich


Prize Package 3 - SWAG LOVE:

You may receive pens, posters, cards, stickers, bookmarks, etc. A lot of this will be signed!
Raine Thomas
Devyn Dawson
Rebecca Rynecki
Andrea Heltsley
Krystal Wade
Stacey Wallace Benefiel
Megg Jensen
(NA) Bethany Lopez
Lisa Collicutt
Bonnie Paulson
Bailey Ardisone
Jessa Russo
Amy Jones
Natalie Star-Kroll
Taryn Browning

Are we E.T.?

I'm on overload.  It is definitely a Maroon 5 day - a day of rewinding through memories to find some peace or comfort.  A friend we've been expecting to pass away finally has, my son I thought I had for another year before his mission is leaving tomorrow.  

I think the Lord knows that when something important in my life is going to happen it has to just HIT.  I met Dean on New Years Day 1991.  Engaged 2 weeks later, married on Mar 30, 1991.  Olivia's head was misshaped and worrying me.  Pediatrician got her scheduled 4 days later for an xray at PCMC, an appt with the neuro surgeon a week later and surgery the week after that. 0.0  Anthony put in his papers Nov 18th, got his call Nov 28th - entering the MTC Jan 23rd.  I believe the Lord knows that if I have time to breathe, I'll than react.  If I don't have the time, than I fall apart and all the nerves display afterwards.   Hence, yep still dealing with the PTSD.

As I was taking a break at work, these thoughts came to me and for once I decided I needed to get them out while they were forward in my mind and not just let them accumulate until I couldn't remember exactly what they were.  I was thinking about "why" ... why is it different when your son leaves on a mission than when he simply leaves home?  Absence of contact.  Pure and simple, absence of motherly contact.  No phone calls to hear your childs voice and confirm that they are fine like they say or hear that something in their voice.  Hearing that they are hurt or ill and not being able to go to them for comfort or care.  Not being able to "touch" (important to me) when they are down or in need of support or inspiration.  It's not cutting the apron ties, you know he is leaving for a strong, good purpose.  You believe and you trust that he will be in the Lord's hands.  It's more like severing the umbilical cord again.  For 9 months you nourished, talked to, sang to, loved, felt every movement and your child depended on you, lived under your heart and heard it beat.  Giving birth is difficult, painful and not a fun experience.  Yet when the doctor places that baby in your arms to hold and take care of ...nothing can compare.  Therefore, I'm using the analogy that raising your child is like being pregnant, a mission like giving birth, and the homecoming of an honorable young boy, now a man - like having him placed in your arms at birth, all over again.

While thinking about this it also occured to me, one of the most painful things for the mom is not hearing from her son.  He could be fine, he could be healthy, strong, and serving and doing what he needs to get done - but doesn't have time to write home.  How precious are those calls on Mother's Day and Christmas.  A big holiday when you are remembered, when you get to hear your son/daughters voice and know that you are still apart of their lives, still thought of.  The thought was given to me that I have a Heavenly Father that feels exactly the same.  When I don't say my prayers does he wish I would talk to him?  Does he long to hear from me just because I'm his child?  Sure he knows what is going on in my life but isn't it always better when you hear it directly from the source?  How often do I think of him and rely on him - only on Holidays?  Only in times of sorrow or trial?  Wouldn't I feel better and have more peace if I shared all my joys, my excitement, my hopes and dreams instead of just my sorrow and disgust?  It's something to think about.