My Oldest Son

I believe myself safe to post this here since I really think that my son, actually all of my family have forgotten that this blog exists.  Lol, what happens when you don't post for years.

I started blogging, honestly I don't remember how many years ago, it was supposed to be therapy; however, I didn't have a thick enough skin to say what I wanted to and not care how others responded, I still don't.  I am getting there though and that is a good thing.  Due to not having a thick skin, my oldest son going on a mission, I do believe I have 4 blogs.... none where getting updated except my son's mission blog until he came home this past January.

Many things have happened since January in his life.  His best friend came home from her mission also, their planes landed - not exaggerating or joking - within 10 minutes of each other.  Both families were able to greet them both, it was great.  4 months later the two married.  He is the age I was when he married; however, even though I was the partner with the job, the apartment, etc - I think he feels more the burden and responsibility of being the "man of the house".  The adult world has settled on their shoulders within a short time with all the fun things it brings:  car breakdowns, car mishaps with poles, learning about leases and that people are human and sometimes make mistakes that affect you.  However, they are very much in love and best friends so even while they are adjusting to each other, they have kept firm in their minds that this is their best friend, their eternal companion - we couldn't be prouder of them.  My daughter in law asked for all of us to vlog something for my son for Christmas.  I wrote mine out first and thought I'd write more, thoughts clearer if I write it again here.  My son is too much like his mother with a mix of his dad so while he feels everything and it affects him like his mom, he has a hard time expressing his feelings like his dad.  I am thankful for his wife that see's this and is taking steps to help him see that he isn't what his brain is telling him. ♥  She wanted me to email her my vlog, I will send her this link, pretty sure its obvious that I will be crying while I type.  Here's my "letter" to my son.

This is my baby boy.  He often thinks he is not good enough but I know the truth.  My son is and always has been, MORE.  In therapy I've learned that words others use to hurt us have two sides, good and bad - any words I use are in no way meant in the bad form, never to any of my kids.
He is:
MORE excitable
MORE leaderish
MORE stubborn
MORE emotional
MORE aware
and
MORE talented.

This talented man can cook, sew, bake, play the piano, the drums, percussion instruments, make movies out of nothing but legos, is an Eagle Scout, and can make friends wherever he goes.  I am and have always been so proud of him and often wondered why he tries to hide these things but I will just continue to name them as achievements he has.
He is MORE excitable.  He gets this from my side of the family, when we got married my husband was astounded at how happy my mom was at something he'd done or accomplished.  The more his creative juices flow, as his ideas form, the louder and more animated he becomes.  =]  In 6th grade I had to explain this to his teacher, he was getting in trouble for it.  Others were following his lead and the teacher was at a loss.  When I explained my son to her it was like a light bulb went off, she took his excitement and started using it to her advantage.  Here is the "leaderish" part my son denies... she used it to get the class excited because whether my son believes it of himself or not, when others copy you or imitate you, you have become a natural leader and an example.  The class started doing better and by the end of the year Anthony was her favorite student.  Wow, what understanding does right?
He is MORE stubborn.  The "not good" comment on this was always the Terry family saying that "Terry's aren't stubborn" followed by eye rolls and laughs.  He received this gift and it is one, from both of his parents and their families.  How is this a gift?  Being stubborn is seen as a fault by those that don't possess the quality or by those that cannot convince you to their way.  It is a gift to be able to withstand the temptations of man and peers.  This quality became obvious around 18 months old.  I believe my kids were saved for the last days and these so called "bad" qualities will actually bless them and assist them in what they have been sent to accomplish.  Once Anthony has something in his head, you cannot remove it.  It is part of what made him a wonderful missionary for the church, he believes and has an unshakable faith.  My only problem with his stubbornness was figuring out how to get the right and good things into his head.
He is MORE emotional and aware.  Again, such a blessing while on his mission and in reality, when dealing with the public.  He understands, he's empathetic, and he tries to do something about it.  Anyone that tells him it isn't manly is struggling being a man themselves.  A true man admits to his feelings and isn't afraid to show them as he watches his feelings assist those around them to better themselves and their situations.  Through out school and his mission I received comments from neighbors, teachers -both in school and church, and people from his mission field.  They all want to tell me about how wonderful he is, the little things he does that make a difference to them that others don't think to notice or walk past.  Whether he wanted to do it or not in the first place doesn't stop him doing a service with a smile and by the end, a laugh and good feelings all around.
My baby boy is human, he has faults, so does everyone; however, I would rather he focus on his numerous good points and talents.  It is too easy to be dragged down by the world we live in, the day to day little things can pick at you until you want to throw your hands in the air in defeat.  When you have, Satan has won.  Why is this world the way it is?  So much fear, hate, families falling apart... because it is the only way he can drag the righteous down, if they let him.  Our true purpose here is, as a wise return missionary once told me, "men are that they might have joy, not stress".  He only wins if we let all the little things in life drags us down, the Lord has not sent us here to fail but to overcome the world and Satan.  My scares Satan more than when my son wakes up each morning feeling good, ready to face the day with determination and his natural abilities.
I love you baby.
Mom ♥

South Korean KPOP Culture

I have always loved different types of music.  I consider it a gift from my parents and a voice teacher that tried to train me in Opera.  I would only ever say that I would listen to anything except Rap.
Then my daughter, , developed a talent for being able to memorize raps. More recently she has fallen in love with KPOP and now I listen to Rap.  Why?  Pretty much most KPOP songs have melody and rap.  Each group has vocalists and rappers, some rappers sing as well.  She would love to be able to do the KPOP raps but is still trying to learn Korean.  Needless to say, everyone on her Bias list is a rapper, her ultimate bias is more a vocalist but has rapped a few times.

Bias what?!?!  I am still learning about the kpop culture that has taken over my daughters life and I will admit that it has taken over my music genre.  What has changed in our home? 1. We have Korean food in the cupboard, we have a Korean SnakBox that comes once a month to introduce us to different things.  2. We have purchased KPOP songs on Itunes, made our own CD's so we can hear it in the car, have discovered that Spotify and SoundCloud have the KPOP genre.  3.  If it is my daughter and I or she and her cousin, any and all YouTube will be KPOP related - M/V's, dance practices, weekly idol chats, Korean entertainment variety shows, you get the idea.  4.  Her wardrobe is now 70% KPOP merchandise.

Now people would think this is overboard but let me explain why of all the obsessions she has, that I am perfectly fine with this one and am slightly obsessed also.  For explanation purpose I will tell you that a Bias is a celebrity (idol) from each group that you love the most.  An Ultimate Bias is an idol that has pretty much decided he is who you should fan girl over lol.

Culture is sooooo different and I have a lot of respect for who these idols are.  No, they aren't perfect, yes I'm sure they have faults, they are human but they are also not her hero's.  Korea is very, VERY big on respect - that is a major plus in my book since here in the US it is becoming a rare commodity. Some idols work for YEARS before they can debut.  Years without their family as when you are accepted as a recruit you move into the entertainment companies dorms.  You sleep, eat, and study with strangers until you get to know them.  They will place you with your group that you will debut with and that is who you live with. The competition between groups is extreme which means they want themselves out there as much as possible, there isn't much you cannot find out about a group or specific idol.  Talk about glass houses, these people get ridiculed and called out if they don't smile or Aegyo (cute expressions) when in public.  Anyone that is a current idol you know two things; they work very hard and are smart.  A few entertainment companies will send recruits home if they don't have or keep good grades.  I look at these as admirable traits, who doesn't want their child to have a good work ethic, to get good grades, and be successful?

I found out the other day that unlike in America, in South Korea you pick one group and stick with them until they have made a name for themselves.  Again, because there are so many and they can use all the fans they can get.  They actually love their fans over there and have been known to give gifts to fans that come out to filmings, meet and greets, etc.  The fans make or break them.  Therefore, each group has a "pet name" I call it for their fans, for example:  BTOB's are Melody's, BTS's are Army, Got7's are IGOT7, and 2pm's are Hottest.  We are happy that we are in America where we can like multiple groups and support them.  I don't know that I could choose just one.

In order to do my part in getting recognition for these talented people, I have been wanting to do several blog posts with each one dedicated to one of our favorite groups.  Therefore, there will be a blog about BTOB: Born to Beat, GOT7, BTS: Bangtan Boys, 2pm, and possibly Block B and Big Bang.

The craziest thing about becoming immersed in this culture?  Half the time you don't realize that you have no idea what they are saying and the half you are waiting for the Eng sub titles to be done.

Respect

Different thoughts keep running through my mind yet they all have to do with the same word ... respect. 

I am not so staunch anymore to where I took up the fight anytime I saw someone disrespecting anything - my PTSD has done that to me.  I sit back more as to not purposefully trigger my fight or flight because I will stand and fight and it will hurt me.  My instinct now though is flight, get away from the confrontation but I am too stubborn for that; therefore, not only am I wrestling with myself and trying to tamp down that response, I am carving myself up inside by staying in the confrontation.  Why must things be a confrontation?  Because we are all human, no one likes to be told they are doing something wrong and why does that person feel they can tell you anything?

This is one of my points, respect.  Can you see how it is missing these days?  You are no longer allowed to give instruction on the way something should be done for that infringes upon their "rights" and individual freedoms.  So how does anyone learn what is right and what is wrong?  People are born with a conscience yet some have gauges that are slightly off in that department.  If you cannot teach by word, I ask we start teaching by example. 

Again, respect.  Are little things you do everyday teaching it or teaching it's okay to not have it?  Thought process examples:  This is my neighborhood, I can run around and play in the neighbors yard whether they are home or not, without permission, maybe I trampled a couple of flowers or threw their rocks but hey this is MY playground.  This is a sore subject with many who have little kids, I heard it when my kids were little.  Neighbors don't mind, etc etc.  Possibly neighbors don't want a confrontation because they are neighbors.  When on walks do we stick to the sidewalk staying off lawns and flowers, cleaning up after the dog that is with you?  Do we simply let our pets outdoors with no regard as to whose yard they take care of their business in?  Have you ever said, That's not your yard?  Don't get me wrong, my house was the neighborhood house, plus the cub scout house for over 14 yrs.  During that time I had MANY  occasions to help little boys from the neighborhood and girls realize they weren't in THEIR own homes, they were in MINE.  They weren't in their own yard, they were in MINE - thank you for breaking that board in my fence deliberately with your hammer, it doesn't matter that it looked worn, it was holding out until I could replace it.  Kids played night games and often used my back yard until I caught them, from than on, they asked permission - wow, an amazing idea.  That is my point, don't get all mad because I said your kids are in the neighbors yard, simply ask.

Thought example:  This concert is soooooooo boring, I think I'll text my best friend, if I hunch over no one will see the light and you really don't mind if I share this thought with you right this minute right?  I took my daughter to an Orchestra Concert for her mid-term project.  I was appalled at her behavior.  Her feet went up on the auditorium seat in front her, she texted, she whispered (thankfully whispered not talked).... AHHHH!  Okay, I already have a problem with her sitting like a young lady wherever we are and I will continue to work on that process - ugh.  People put in HOURS of practice to entertain people who DO want to be there, both the performers and their parents, audience deserve to listen in peace and quiet.  Cell phones should be banned from such venue's, although I know many people use them for directions and pictures of the performances.  Again, not only has someone's time been spent preparing for this event, but most likely (if at the movies) you have paid good money to be there, and TIME to be there and enjoy.

It simply feels that no one has respect for anyone anymore.  It has turned into a world of total ME, ME, ME all the time.  I can't respect anyone else's rights because it doesn't agree with MY opinion.  I need to be first, I need to be included, I need to be entertained - it is all about the ME's and I's and no longer inclusive of family or community.   Maybe more of us, myself included, should be more careful of how and what we do, for more than little eyes are watching - big ones are too.  When mistakes are made, simply correct and move on, no one is perfect.

Paix