Book

I think I shall start the rewrites on my book and start adding in the self help stuff. Hmm - wish me luck!

Oh yeah - I would LOVE to hear from you ladies about overcoming your individual adversities and how if you are willing to share :) I think it would add alot and I am a firm believer in learning by example and building on it.

Resentment

Last weekend hit me like a sledgehammer. It had been two, almost three weeks since I had been given an ultimatum at work...start incorporating yourself into being in the office or.... yeah, you get the idea. I was on week two of having given my non-contested notice of resignment with one week left. Needless to say, after doing the same thing for 14 yrs, the anxiety was beginning to build. I never thought that I was one who couldn't handle change; however, the last four years have proven to me that certain change is a little too much at times....this was one of them. Therefore, last weekend, I woke up Friday thinking, "great, sore-throat, sinuses draining...ugh", but went on my merry way doing my own little merry things that needed to be accomplished. Friday night I started to cough - this thing hit me WHAM! I was coughing, stuffy to where I couldn't catch my breath/swallow inbetween. Yeah, not a great feeling for an asthmatic, I think it even worried my husband who I was keeping awake. >.< I rested that day and Sunday I took an essential oil "Black Pepper" bath. Eyah, the smell was pretty epic but I took a shower right after so no one else suffered with me. =] The black pepper helps with muscle tighteness and your lungs. I felt TONS better afterward, did too much because of it and stayed in bed most of Monday - good grief! Monday I took a bath in my essential oil "Forgiveness", it didn't help my lungs but did help me to feel much calmer. I love aromatherapy can you tell? I made it through my last three days of work - barely. I soooooo wanted to call in sick and all my co-workers who are getting the same raw deal wanted me to, even without knowing that I truely was. Anthony and I had dr appts on Thursday so I actually did take wahoo a whole 1.75 hrs on my final day. The next day, Friday, I went to see Sarah, my reflexologist. My appt with her will be the majority remainder of this post.
My previous visit with Sarah zoning my feet took over and hour and that was just one foot. >.<>.< bah. That was the owwy part - than she spent a lot of time on the bottom of my foot where she commented on my being "very pissed off"...didn't tell me specific body parts though...interesting. Than she got to the top of my foot, around my ankle and spent a lot of time there...ah, that makes sense - my lymphnodes. So...what was it that made me sick? (which I still am btw - I can think myself into it but not so quickly think myself out.) Resentment. Yep, that big ugly word up at the beginning...the one I just kind of sat and stared at. We all hate to be told we are doing this to ourselves, we hate to be told we have to change or continue getting sick and causing worse illnesses and the worst? it cycles. You feel bad that you're doing this to yourself, therefore, you get upset with yourself which is what is causing it to begin with...get the picture? I'm not going to write up all my resentment issues here, maybe somewhere a little more private. Maybe I'll make a copy of them to set on fire and release but definately keep a copy so that I can remind myself of the things I need to work on, watch for, and change.

Bleh

That about sums up today. I still wish I were in bed, covers pulled over my head and reality not feeling exsistant. *sigh

Saturday I woke up with a sore throat, draining sinuses and thinking "great". Sunday early am during coughing fits I was awake trying to swallow/breathe and thinking "crap". Stayed in bed most of Sunday - took a Black Pepper Essential Oil bath (followed by shower thank you) and weirdly enough felt better. Thankfully Monday was a holiday since I didn't really sleep much of Sunday night again - this time bathed in my Forgiveness Essential Oil and just lazed about. Feeling much better on Tuesday, I actually got out of bed before Olivia was to leave for school, showered, dressed (hey, that's a TON right there)- did a load of laundry, balanced the checkbook and paid bills all by noon. I was feeling pretty proud :) - Cherisa came home with possible dinner guest so we took off to Dinners by Diana before carpool. Worked after carpool, than just kinda lazed around last night. Yep, if you know me at all lately you guessed it - it was too much. Really? I mean REALLY?!?!?!? That is a typical day - hello nothing stressful, I felt good about getting things done but it sapped all my energy and at bedtime I was groggily wandering around my house, bumping into things, trying with anything left to tell my stupid body to RELAX so that I could sleep. *sigh Therefore, today I did NOT want to get up nor did I. A major allergy attack last night boasted 2 antihistamines before bed, 2 muscle relaxants, and 3 anti anxiety - just to freakin relax enough to sleep. I don't even know what time I fell asleep. My body decided it WASN'T better from being sick - ugh just pulling my leg I guess - plus no sleep equalled a really bad morning - I think I roused myself from the dead at 1pm. I still have no major motivation - this has been going on for 2 yrs - can't it be done now?

Let's top off my day....last night my oldest, who has been mr happy, etc etc lately - came home completely defeated and depressed. So...we chatted. Besides the fact that the pills the dr prescribed didn't help and he is still having pains, he felt stupid, overbearing, and ill at ease. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black as I reminded him that he cannot control how other people feel or react. ha ha ha - poor kid, he is WAY too much like me. And before you worry Rebecca, no Shannyn did not hurt him. :) Part of his angst is the fact that he has two F's and two D's. Yeah, mom got on his case yesterday - especially when I came home from doing carpool to find him asleep instead of doing homework....*eyes roll...sigh. Teenagers and their hormones and their drama and their schoolwork - need I go on? Today he came home grumpy from school still - only this time he failed his chemistry test - oi vey...I knew he shouldn't have taken chem but you can't tell a teenager anything...they have to learn and still - mom's don't like these lessons. So, Anthony is grumpy, I made Ben cry......eyah. Well, I didn't just pull Anthony's grades yesterday I pulled Ben's. Five F's - FIVE?!?!?! What is he just a zombie walking the halls? Seriously.....so, now I'm at a undecisive point in my life again. I quit my job, I wanted to not have a job after not supposed to be having one once kids came (yeah right) but our finances tell me otherwise. I got offered a job - I start next Tues - first day of the month so that I would be not missing a paycheck anywhere and even get extra for when they paid out my vacation days. However, looking at my boys grades I am now wondering again if I should really be taking another job. Can my health and my children survive the differences a new job is going to make? Yes I get to still do some at home, but I still have to go in - yes, it's now only 10 min away, but when I don't sleep I'm not up by 10 am which is when I'm going to have to be at work. *sigh my poor little brain hurts.