Resentment

Last weekend hit me like a sledgehammer. It had been two, almost three weeks since I had been given an ultimatum at work...start incorporating yourself into being in the office or.... yeah, you get the idea. I was on week two of having given my non-contested notice of resignment with one week left. Needless to say, after doing the same thing for 14 yrs, the anxiety was beginning to build. I never thought that I was one who couldn't handle change; however, the last four years have proven to me that certain change is a little too much at times....this was one of them. Therefore, last weekend, I woke up Friday thinking, "great, sore-throat, sinuses draining...ugh", but went on my merry way doing my own little merry things that needed to be accomplished. Friday night I started to cough - this thing hit me WHAM! I was coughing, stuffy to where I couldn't catch my breath/swallow inbetween. Yeah, not a great feeling for an asthmatic, I think it even worried my husband who I was keeping awake. >.< I rested that day and Sunday I took an essential oil "Black Pepper" bath. Eyah, the smell was pretty epic but I took a shower right after so no one else suffered with me. =] The black pepper helps with muscle tighteness and your lungs. I felt TONS better afterward, did too much because of it and stayed in bed most of Monday - good grief! Monday I took a bath in my essential oil "Forgiveness", it didn't help my lungs but did help me to feel much calmer. I love aromatherapy can you tell? I made it through my last three days of work - barely. I soooooo wanted to call in sick and all my co-workers who are getting the same raw deal wanted me to, even without knowing that I truely was. Anthony and I had dr appts on Thursday so I actually did take wahoo a whole 1.75 hrs on my final day. The next day, Friday, I went to see Sarah, my reflexologist. My appt with her will be the majority remainder of this post.
My previous visit with Sarah zoning my feet took over and hour and that was just one foot. >.<>.< bah. That was the owwy part - than she spent a lot of time on the bottom of my foot where she commented on my being "very pissed off"...didn't tell me specific body parts though...interesting. Than she got to the top of my foot, around my ankle and spent a lot of time there...ah, that makes sense - my lymphnodes. So...what was it that made me sick? (which I still am btw - I can think myself into it but not so quickly think myself out.) Resentment. Yep, that big ugly word up at the beginning...the one I just kind of sat and stared at. We all hate to be told we are doing this to ourselves, we hate to be told we have to change or continue getting sick and causing worse illnesses and the worst? it cycles. You feel bad that you're doing this to yourself, therefore, you get upset with yourself which is what is causing it to begin with...get the picture? I'm not going to write up all my resentment issues here, maybe somewhere a little more private. Maybe I'll make a copy of them to set on fire and release but definately keep a copy so that I can remind myself of the things I need to work on, watch for, and change.