Just so RUDE =]

It's just not fair that when they finally give me pills that help me be tired at this time of night, I now can't shut my mind off! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (insert picture of pulling hair out) Psh, Olivia couldn't sleep last night either due to the fact that she was up at 5am saying she couldn't go back to sleep, than finally fell back asleep and slept til NOON! Ha ha - that was a first ever for her! But she's had pink eye in both eyes so I caved and let her be.
I used to could fall asleep by daydreaming (ha ha) at night, thinking of things I "wanted" to dream about, of course never turned out that way but its always fun to day dream right? These days its hard to day dream - people have no faces or they simply disappear and can't be placed. So, I've been trying to daydream about the ending of my book, but alas, I only know the final 3 sentences - LOL! >]
I've started a new book "Bear Trapped" yet only the beginning has come to me, so that's where it stays atm. Last night another came to mind yet I'm not sure if I want to write it, it would be full of personal stuff which I don't necessarily mind - however, if certain people in my past were to find out - I don't want to do that to them. Therefore, I will have to think on that one and let you know. It is the story of Cody and Sam - teenage years =] kind of like a teenage diary - HA HA scary I know right?!?
So over the past week, I've discovered really what depression is - not what causes it but rather what it does to you or me for that matter and I've been under the constant scrutiny of myself the hypocrite. I've judged a friend wrongly when they have done nothing to me except for be honest and I have hurt another friend by trying to protect them from me. *sigh* Does anything ever turn out the way its supposed to? or is that being conceited to think that we have any control over anything in our lives. Yes, as many of you know I am a recovering perfectionist - we are all about the control. Mayhaps we must learn the control over ourselves (the knowing and accepting that we have no control) before we can develop the patience to help other's control themselves - thereby putting God's plan into motion. Interesting....