Bleh

That about sums up today. I still wish I were in bed, covers pulled over my head and reality not feeling exsistant. *sigh

Saturday I woke up with a sore throat, draining sinuses and thinking "great". Sunday early am during coughing fits I was awake trying to swallow/breathe and thinking "crap". Stayed in bed most of Sunday - took a Black Pepper Essential Oil bath (followed by shower thank you) and weirdly enough felt better. Thankfully Monday was a holiday since I didn't really sleep much of Sunday night again - this time bathed in my Forgiveness Essential Oil and just lazed about. Feeling much better on Tuesday, I actually got out of bed before Olivia was to leave for school, showered, dressed (hey, that's a TON right there)- did a load of laundry, balanced the checkbook and paid bills all by noon. I was feeling pretty proud :) - Cherisa came home with possible dinner guest so we took off to Dinners by Diana before carpool. Worked after carpool, than just kinda lazed around last night. Yep, if you know me at all lately you guessed it - it was too much. Really? I mean REALLY?!?!?!? That is a typical day - hello nothing stressful, I felt good about getting things done but it sapped all my energy and at bedtime I was groggily wandering around my house, bumping into things, trying with anything left to tell my stupid body to RELAX so that I could sleep. *sigh Therefore, today I did NOT want to get up nor did I. A major allergy attack last night boasted 2 antihistamines before bed, 2 muscle relaxants, and 3 anti anxiety - just to freakin relax enough to sleep. I don't even know what time I fell asleep. My body decided it WASN'T better from being sick - ugh just pulling my leg I guess - plus no sleep equalled a really bad morning - I think I roused myself from the dead at 1pm. I still have no major motivation - this has been going on for 2 yrs - can't it be done now?

Let's top off my day....last night my oldest, who has been mr happy, etc etc lately - came home completely defeated and depressed. So...we chatted. Besides the fact that the pills the dr prescribed didn't help and he is still having pains, he felt stupid, overbearing, and ill at ease. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black as I reminded him that he cannot control how other people feel or react. ha ha ha - poor kid, he is WAY too much like me. And before you worry Rebecca, no Shannyn did not hurt him. :) Part of his angst is the fact that he has two F's and two D's. Yeah, mom got on his case yesterday - especially when I came home from doing carpool to find him asleep instead of doing homework....*eyes roll...sigh. Teenagers and their hormones and their drama and their schoolwork - need I go on? Today he came home grumpy from school still - only this time he failed his chemistry test - oi vey...I knew he shouldn't have taken chem but you can't tell a teenager anything...they have to learn and still - mom's don't like these lessons. So, Anthony is grumpy, I made Ben cry......eyah. Well, I didn't just pull Anthony's grades yesterday I pulled Ben's. Five F's - FIVE?!?!?! What is he just a zombie walking the halls? Seriously.....so, now I'm at a undecisive point in my life again. I quit my job, I wanted to not have a job after not supposed to be having one once kids came (yeah right) but our finances tell me otherwise. I got offered a job - I start next Tues - first day of the month so that I would be not missing a paycheck anywhere and even get extra for when they paid out my vacation days. However, looking at my boys grades I am now wondering again if I should really be taking another job. Can my health and my children survive the differences a new job is going to make? Yes I get to still do some at home, but I still have to go in - yes, it's now only 10 min away, but when I don't sleep I'm not up by 10 am which is when I'm going to have to be at work. *sigh my poor little brain hurts.

Valentines Day

I was a little leary this year about Valentines Day...I suppose that happens when you aren't so sure of what's going on. No, there is no earth quake shaky trouble here just a little bit of wonder, someone needing some reminding, and unfortunately a fight. *sigh It's not normal for Dean and I to fight, I don't handle confrontation very well, especially if it's about me. Don't get me wrong, I'm as stubborn and bull headed as the rest of the Terry's and I will fight you tooth and nail on any subject but myself and how I feel. It's too personal, it's too scary, and most of the time I wrongly feel that if I have to say something - than after I've said it I don't want it - cuz I had to say it. Does that make sense? Yes, I know my husband and certain friends aren't mind readers; however, living with someone for 20 yrs should give you just a little bit of insight right? Yeah well, insight doesn't come if one isn't paying attention. Sufficient to say, Valentines Day was very nice. I received my dozen long stem roses and Mrs Cavanaugh's mindy mints =] those are my staples. I told my husband long ago when he complained about doing the same thing every year and wasn't I tired of it? that NO, I'm a romantic at heart and if I don't get roses and chocolate on Valentines I will be very hurt. I get them every year :). We stayed in this year and rented movies. One called "Just Wright" with Queen Latiffa was actually pretty good. It wasn't spectacular but it was just a nice feel good movie. We'll have to watch "Knight and Day" tomorrow as there is school and work in the morning. I got a Dean a new atomic clock to replace his that broke last year. It's nice to have a clock in the main room again. I also got him chocolate - Dark Chocolate which is his favorite....and....decided to let us try the new KY Yours and Mine. You know that commercial "I consider us very conservative....you're the man....and she's a screamer"? Well, I'll let you know once we play around with it just a little bit more ;).

I have been reading a book series by Diane Mott Davidson. Quoted as the master of the culinary whodunit and the Julia Child of mystery writers, it's been pretty fun. I believe there were 12 or so books in this series - the series has no name - but they are about a caterer in Aspen Meadow, CO who has a knack for ending up in the wrong place all the time. She gets remarried in the series and I love how the author describes their relationship. I think I read them more for the cooking and the relationship than I do the mystery but it's always fun to see if I'm right at the end. :) Last book I start tonight *sigh :(.

You Annoy Me

One of my girlfriends is doing her 30 days about her on her blog which I think is pretty cool. You have way more space to actually define or describe what you mean and you don't always have to have a picture. However, she is going backwards to my forwards >] and today was about Pet Peeves. Number 5 on her pet peeves list is emotional phishing, like with facebook, etc. So I looked up the definition.... I'm still not positive as to what she meant but I'll give it go. Phishing is a new slang word used for those that attempting identity theft via email, internet...get the idea? They make it look real so that you will spend your hard earned cash or give them information that will allow them to steal not just your cash but pretty much ruin your life. How this relates to facebook? Hmm...the only thing I can think of is that fb is a social website; therefore, I see people all the time trying to sound like someone they are not. Some people also use fb to air all their dirty laundry for the world to smell and see...ewwwwwww...perhaps this is her phishing emotionally.

I prefer to emotionally air my dirty laundry this year on here - lol. I am trying very hard to put positive things on my facebook. Some may take a factual comment made there as negative, yet I cannot control that. Who annoys me? What did YOU do you may ask? You personally? Nothing. The person that currently is annoying me does not have access to my blog and therefore does not know this, nor do I assume that they care - which is partially why they annoy me. Got it? Yeah, sure. In this case I am talking about people who criticize others for thing they do themselves. A very good friend of mine used to get so upset when I'd mention things another friend was saying, or the way they were acting towards me. Almost a year later, the situation is now between the first friend and I (I don't speak to the later anymore), and the behaviour is almost identicial to the previous friend they griped about and wanted to beat up. *sigh...whatever. I believe I am more frustrated with myself than I am this other person. I don't understand why I allow people to touch me (emotionally or spiritually) over and over again, just to be given the chance to step away from me or on me later. Why? Because I think I hope each time that one of these times I myself will wake up and not let it bother me so much. That I will understand and not be so possessive but be more willing to let people wander and just be content to hang out with myself. 0.o Erm...sure, sounds like a great goal =P.