Tell me why..

I never thought of it as a curse unless it hurts =], but I know I shouldn't than either. I have been blessed with a wonderful gift that I sometimes second guess, think I misread, or whatever but it is beautiful nonetheless. Lately, I have really come to second guess its use or my ability I suppose and I've found myself hurt and confused and wanting to know why. Why does it hurt so much to care? Why do I wrap my heart around people that I know, those I don't, or those that I need to know and than allow myself to get hurt or trapped by that relationship?

I really hate to say it, it sounds very crass and mean of me and I don't mean it to, I just don't know how else to put it. I have always been what some would call "a geek magnet" - not in today's worlds term of geek I think today they are moron's or whatever. Those that might be less desirable to some, that close themselves off to others, or even those in dire straits - I guess I have lost puppy syndrome for and I gather them to me. After awhile I start to question myself, what did I do? Why did I do? How do I undo? Which isn't really Christlike at all and than I'm confused and I hurt. Just because the puppy got better doesn't mean that I shouldn't still care, that I shouldn't still befriend it and nurture it along the way. How did Jesus have unconditional love for ALL? How does he not get fed up with me sometimes and want me to just go away for a day or two? As a parent and a friend, I'm sure he does and I'm sure my friends & parents have felt that about me more than once.

We can't make it back without each other, none of us are perfect. Most times though, I really wish I could be perfect in just one thing... love.