Not being scheduled

Weird sounding I know, but for a recovering perfectionist like me, this is very different. I do know where my poor oldest gets it from but I honestly was not that way until I was 17. I like having things planned, it eases my stress level - yet for a long time my body did not exsist without stress - it was literally what held me together. The more to do, the less time gave me a rush of accomplishment and I somehow felt like superwoman - however; at the same time, I was pushing myself and telling myself that superwoman was unappreciated - so I would do more. Not healthy - not wise.

These days, superwoman is so excited if I get a chore done, my 6 hrs of work in, dinner made, a couple of little errand things and play time. When Dean and I got married I was a workaholic - (see paragraph above) - in alot of ways I was appreciated. At 19 yrs old I was an assistant CFO at my brother's company - not just because I was related and could be trusted with all the accts but they knew I would get it done, no matter the hours. If I pulled a 99 hr pay period I was SHOCKED - wow I must have done a church activity. LOL. Dean has tried to teach me to relax over the years, to slow down, to try living and enjoying life. After 18 yrs, I'm better at it but still not to the point of not feeling guilty about it. He would take me away for a weekend to relax and we soon figured out that relaxation to my body meant that it didn't know how - which meant major Migraine time. Nice that at the time he was a PT aide and knew how to help those.

We are trying to plan a getaway - he is so stressed from this project his office is doing the past 2 months and will continue I think until June - he needs some downtime. We were headed to Orlando - I've always wanted to go - but it still seemed "scheduled" to me - I don't want scheduled anymore. My life has currently done a total 180. It has crashed and told me - no more! Well, interesting I still have a job, family, house - eh - not possible? I find that I am in a great mood on days that I actually get some sleep (what an idea!), excercise, putter around a bit, get dinner put together - so things that I know need to get done - but get done on MY time, MY schedule. I have to figure out how to work through this - cuz my stress all comes once the kids get home because than my time is no longer my own. I than feel guilty if I haven't started work yet, I am stressed with that and running kids to places needed, errands for objects required, homework, etc etc - you get the idea.

So we are taking out getaway and it ISN"T scheduled. Dean keeps asking what we are doing and I say - IDK. NOTHING - EVERYTHING - what ever we want - period. This is our time together, our time to reconnect with ourselves and each other. I want the freedom of it to be able to be, hey lets go the movie or hmm I'm hungry - lets eat. To me, those are the best of times - to be together, to just be.