As it just so happened, Mother's day fell on the exact day that my mom died 5 yrs ago. Five years ago we buried her the day before mother's day. I always loved Mother's Day when I was a kid, loved doing things for my mom and making her things. When I became a mom, I looked forward to it also. However, I had a few children that proceeded to inform me that they were other people's children, not mine...totally throw tantrums on that day just so that it wasn't a pleasant one. Yeah well...it's life, my hubby bless his heart has always tried to make it a special day for me. A friend said something to me yesterday that made me stop and think. She didn't know I had PTSD from being with my mom the day she died - I don't normally go around broadcasting it. She simply knew I wasn't a fan of Mother's Day because my mom died and asked me to remember my mom and all the good things - not that she is dead.
May has slammed me more than any other time except when I was heavy PTSD and seriously could barely drive down the road. Memories of that day are always there, haunting me, nagging at me, trying to make me anxious or stressed. But wow, what clarity of memories has swamped me just in the past 8 days. I don't want to go into them, it is all recorded in my journal and I thought that helped me years ago.
I was woken up this morning by a text from my son on fb, "Happy Mothers day mom! Your one of the coolest moms out there! Thanks for everything! :) Love you!". If that isn't something wonderful to wake up to...glad he finally wants to be my kid after all :). Than my husband posted, so another text. My head was screaming at me (does that when I have a sinus infection)so I just laid there. Someone took my Relief Society lesson for me, Dean and the kids headed off to church. I took a nice warm bath with my new bath salts from Olivia and tried to let my IBU kick in. After a quick shower after I received another text from a girlfriend saying she'd see me in 10 min. CHOCOLATES! Not just any chocolates, but her own handmade, dipped chocolates - ooooh nummy! I collected my hugs, chocolates and gave her the goodies I had planned to drop off at her house. I considered going to the cemetary - it was raining and I honestly don't feel like my mom is there. So I took the orchid corsage I bought her, set it next to my computer and wrote her a poem. (On my facebook notes) Dean had said I could do whatever I wanted today, so I did the dishes. ROFL...it was bugging me and it felt good. I also made a strawberry truffle for dessert (Dean made dinner :) )and just finally felt at peace.
I hope any Mother's, Mother's to be, Sisters or Aunts had a wonderful Mother's day. You all have had a great influence on my children and I love you.
Paix
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