So I heard a really good quote the other day, "Depression is Anger immoblizied". And it made me stop to think.... after therapy and medication, I'm still not 100% back to me but I do understand a lot more - atleast I hope. I would say that I agree with this quote about 70% I think depression is 70% anger immobilized, 30% chemically related, and 100% self inflicted.
Through research for my book I have come across many people that believe if you are "depressed" you should just ask for forgiveness of your sins and be healed. Hmm. At first thought with this comment, my girlfriend (also having depression) and I both said - I haven't created any GREAT sin. Now that I am looking closer, and I am not admitting to guilty sin :D; however, I've found that it is all related.
At first you become disgruntled, upset or unhappy about something. You may not even realize that it is bothering you or that you have "anger" with it. (In one class Anger was described as Engery without direction) Many times you feel "depressed" but pull yourself up by the bootstraps (my dad's favorite saying) and get over it. Or so you think. After 11 yrs of battling depression - which I didn't know I was FULL time, this is how I believe it came about.
Childbirth- (chemical/hormone imbalance called baby blues) - not treated
No job/ than finding Job - self esteem issues and money problems (anger issues? yes)
Toddlers/babys/ ill parents - STRESS (hmm have something here)
As the stress builds in your life, your body adapts to help you deal with it - sometimes in the wrong way which leads you to suppress your anger issues, therefore, building bodily stress (unhealthy) and creating more hormonal/chemical imbalance. Sooner or later you can no longer "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" and you need help. It took me 11 yrs to realize that a therapist would not call me "crazy" or put me in the "looney bin" - however, there was a time I really wanted to be! However, they and the medicine work together to help you, help yourself - to find your way back to what you were angry about, repent for being ANGRY (small sin) , hold the Lord's hand and move on. It's amazing how good it feels to hold the Lord's hand or to feel his arms around you in comfort. I'm not 100% but I have started trying to rescue myself to get the other 20% here as soon as possible. :D
Life isn't easy, but it sure helps to go through it with a best friend and a family who loves you.
2 comments:
you're writing a book about depression? I'd love to read it! You know, I've been telling people lately that I really can understand why a lot of mom's start taking Meth- not that I would EVER do it, but I understand what they're feeling- like they just need SOMETHING to help them feel better! Not fun, huh?
i love how life teaches us little by little- and I absolutely love you for the strength you have- you are a great example of a lot of the strengths I am hoping to gain someday! :)
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