Well the first stupid thing is my internet. I'm supposed to be screaming and I'm moving slower than dial up >.> - gah. Good thing I'm procrastinating and not working or I'd be more than a little peeved and fed up.
So my goal of being fabulous at 40 didn't work..LOL...I keep dreaming -now I've decided I'm 40 for a WHOLE YEAR right? =]. Things are in process so hopefully all of it will come together and not only will I be looking fabulous weight wise but also sleep wise with no dark circles under my eyes ;]. Cross your fingers and toes too.
So I sit here and have to wonder about my life. Certain instances that keep occuring, pain felt, and I just have to say ...ugh. I mean I wouldn't change who I am for anything, I could do without a few trials but hey, couldn't we all? I'm talking about things that make me who I am that can benefit a person or really hurt me. Okay lets get this straight, I'm not being egotistical, I'm being honest. There is something about each of us that attracts and helps others. We do not attract all, usually only those that we can benefit. Me? I'm too trusting...too gullible...too nice (at times - depends on the day and who you are) and I usually don't know how to say no.
Over the past 15 yrs my life has changed from busy executive stressed with migraines every weekend to work at home mom running carpool, etc - still stressed - still with occasional migraines. Life has been interesting since moving to work at home - there's me, my computer, and up until 3 yrs ago - a child under foot 24/7. No office chatter, no hey lets take break, no break chatter - well you get the idea. I used to call my mom and my sister (work at same office) most every day (they worked in home also) and would chat away for hours - for both of us it was our "office" chatter. =] Tv's in the background, chit chat, silence - it was nice. Than about 4 yrs ago I changed I guess. Now its just me, my computer, upside sleep patterns - if there is sleep, and almost no outside contact at all. Most of the time I'm just too tired to care, I notice its just me -I've never been a fan of my own company =] - but I just have to shuffle through cuz things have to get done. I've made online friends in the past four years - some have come, some have gone - some have come, gone, come, gone and come again lol. I will say it now...I the recovering perfectionist is...A PEOPLE PLEASER. I absolutely hate confrontation. Don't get me wrong - DO NOT cross my path because an icy tone accompanies the major horomonal rush that gets me beyond mad - I get angry. >.< I have learned over the years that anger is not a good thing. Combined with stress it is actually hurting me. So, I turn my attention to others, I try to help them, I'm sure they don't want to be but for a short time, they put up with me. =]
So the stupidity? Really isn't. I need to keep believing in people - its who I am, I need to keep trying to be nice - its what I need, but I think I can do without the gullible part. People are different, not everyone is the same - I believe we are here to learn to co-habitate. I don't want ppl just like me, wow I would ANNOY myself non-stop =D.....I feel we should learn to love people for who they are - not who we want them to be. We should expect to be loved for ourselves - not what people expect of us and we should enjoy the differences that we have to offer.
I love the people in my life for who they are to ME...not to someone else. ♥
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