cuz I'm just here pondering and trying to reconcile with myself after a lovely bout of depression. I will sure be happy when this dosage starts working again, I'm sure my family will be too.
For those that talk to me "indepth" you'll know that I talk alot about "masks" that we wear. Well, unfortunately, the mask I have been SO good at keeping up for 20 yrs has crumbled and keeps falling off in chunks. No matter how much glue or cement I apply, lol it keeps breaking off. Now some would say this is a good thing - heck isn't that what my BOOK is supposed to be about?!?! Yeah. Hard lesson to learn and apply is doing "myself" what I say and have others do. Part of the mask is being free with advice for anyone willing to listen - hopefully some of it every now and than is good :S -but inside shriveling and crying but not really listening to myself.
Was it really so bad having a military father who taught you to suck it up and move on? I don't think so, he helped make me who I am today and even with a crumbling mask, I would like to think that he'd be somewhat proud. I guess that's half the problem, why do we feel guilty for having emotions? Why do we hurt when our mask falls off and we realize that like everyone else we are human? God I miss my mom.
How hard is it to just let go? Give your grief and pain to the Lord and feel his peace and not feel GUILTY for doing so? Wow this world is messed up and right now, so am I.
Heh, the ramblings of a "recovering perfectionist".
2 comments:
I've suffered depression, too. I still take medication for it. And that is even though I'm a Christian and nothing happens to me that the Lord does not allow. But depression can, as you know, be a stimulus to creativity. I see the list of books you recommend or plan to read. May I suggest one to add to it? "Outcasts Of Skagaray" is a fantasy adventure, Christian inspired, which you can preview by reading the sample chapters on www.threeswans.com.au My blog is http://threeswans.blogspot.com if you feel like visiting. I would be thrilled if you read the book and enjoyed it. Whatever happens, best wishes. I hope you feel better soon. The only good part of depression is getting out of it.
Thanks for your reply. Good to hear from you. Keep in touch! I think I was led to your site because I found it helpful to read, and hopefully I've got something helpful to share as well.
Blessings.
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