Demons

It's not easy to face your demons, to do that you have to admit that your human, that your possibly wrong, that someone else has a say in the matter. Is it called pride when we don't do something simply because we are afraid of another's reaction? I'll have to think about that one. Boo told me that I was using the word "conceited" wrong. We were discussing something I had done and was regretting and I coined a phrase of something someone had "labeled" me with when angry. The phrase of "how conceited of me to think that anyone would be talking about me". I thought about that and I tell myself that often. The only reason I have to keep telling myself that is when I find out somewhere along the line someone was- but those are few and far between. I look at the word conceited to be thinking highly enough of myself to think that a fight I had, harsh words spoken, would be continued against me when I had removed myself from the area. I try to justify and tell myself it really isn't conceit, it's not a vain outlook - I am rather looking down upon myself yet hoping that maybe it's true. Hmm....guess I need to do a major rethinking spurt, lol.

Friendship is an interesting thing. Like anything else in life it changes and grows, moves around and sometimes vanishes. If you are lucky enough to have one rebound, than catch it and savor it. I will admit that I really don't know what a friend is. I have idea's in my head from personal experiences, watching other people, the media, and my religion. However, many of them conflict and I find myself expecting things out of friends that I don't expect myself to do in return. 0_0 well no WONDER I'm on the short list! Hello!!! When did that start? When did I decide that I was more important than my friends, or their lives? Well, I don't know when it started but I know what made it grow. Having these thoughts are really encouraging to me, it means I'm finally -hopefully pulling out of my funk of depression. If I can honestly ask myself these questions - remembering the answer that might still be hard =P...but atleast I'm wondering and searching and trying to learn. Isn't that what we are here for?