Wow....I'm SO WHINEY!

You know what they say "the thing that bugs you the most about someone is the thing that is most like you". 0_0 EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. My biggest, BIGGEST pet peeve is WHINING! And over the past couple of weeks I've realized just how whiney I am when I don't understand something, how desperate and the control freak in me is HORRIFIED! Ha ha, oh my gosh how dare I be human and worse yet, a whiney one! Lol. Maybe that's one of the reasons I love writing, the emotion can come out but it is in the ear of the reader as to the voice tone that it is given. >] Granted, you could ask certain people of the male gender and they would tell you I am the biggest whiner on the planet - now, how do I stop and how do I not have my daughter do the same. Now wait a minute, is it whining or is it a tantrum? Hmmm, that is my second biggest pet peeve and I KNOW that one hangs true. According to my mother I was the best tantrum thrower on the planet - hunh, high praise of a horrid activity >.>. Anthony has to be the next best trantrum thrower - poor kid got it from me. My mom would ignore my tantrum for exactly about 1 minute- lol. Than I received the choice of spanking or shutting up - eyah, I usually got spanked - erm, I have a temper? <.< Yes, I do have an ENORMOUS temper, I rarely spanked my kids when they threw their tantrums, usually me coming into their room and angrily stating that I could throw a better trantrum but it would be all over them and would they like to see - yeah that usually stopped them. I didn't say I was a good or even great mom, but atleast I didn't hit them and hopefully their "ice" scars (my tone of voice) have healed over cuz I always did come back and say sorry and explain why.

So that makes me think.....my psychologist asked me why I was such a control freak and what would happen if I just let myself go (like when I'm with Dean - you understand >.> ), I just stared at her and said IDK, I'm a little afraid to find out. She didn't know the whiney, angry child that I "could" be - on the other hand, on normal days I actually would get in trouble from my sisters cuz I was always singing >.>. Wow, have I needed anti-depressants my whole life? ha ha ha interesting thought. *sigh. I think there might be more blog postings for awhile, you see I'm on the computer - ALOT, since my work is on here and since I work at home, a normal 6 hr shift might take me 9 hrs (start,stop,start,stop). I usually break up the boredom and repetitiveness by chatting to friends online, watching Hulu.com or now Netflix. Well, my shows have started again so there isn't much to watch on Hulu, I'm still trying to figure out Netflix, and my best friend isn't chatting with me anymore soooooooo- here is my source of release - you poor, poor pepole reading this ;).

Hmm, the thoughts expressed above are interesting...I've never thought about the learning to stop my tantrums kinda turned me into a control freak - but it makes perfect sense. Being a control freak means really being afraid to fail - therefore, not allowing myself the space I need to examine my feelings but rather hiding them and holding them in. Than unfortunately they turn into anger, especially if I don't understand fully what's happening- which would be why it makes me sound whiney. Wow. Not sure I can fix this one right away but now that I've discovered this I can acknowledge when it happens and don't they say that's the first step? =]

So I acknowledge also that as the youngest of eight kids, I love my family, but don't feel like I fit. I've always gotten along better with my nieces and nephews, probably because they are closer to my age. Cherisa is 14 yrs younger than me, which funny enough is close to the age difference between her dad and I- he's 15 yrs older than me. =] I've been dubbed the "Cool Aunt" lol (only cuz I'm a gamer =P) and the one that's old but not a dinosaur so it's okay to discuss certain things with me...lol =P. I mention this only because I'm headed out the door to a "siblings" dinner tonight with my family. Yes, some of my family are old enough that they are "empty nestors" so the "older adult" segment of my life has begun - ick. I remember when I used to "WANT" to sit at the adult table at Thanksgiving - not be stuck at the "kids" table with my nieces and nephews - ha ha what goes around comes around I guess. More old people tomorrow - atleast I'm hoping so since Mimi has gone to alot of work for the Joshua Parshall Terry Family Reunion again this year. I really hope that more than just her siblings come to support her and her efforts. Oh well, time to make my salad for the dinner.